Porn for Beginners?

Cafe Society
1

The Monkeygirl has expressed interest in watching her first-ever porno movie with me. That’s fine with me. I would like this to be a positive experience for her, since it is my hope that she’ll be inspired to rut like a Bonobo after watching said movie.

Since the Monkeygirl isn’t very experienced with porn, I’d like to select something for her first time that won’t turn her off from sex forever, or look at me as though I’m some sort of freak or monster for selecting said movie. Therefore, we should probably stay away from Bondage and S/M movies. I’m also thinking we should stay away from films that have nasty anal sex, a la Max Hardcore or Buttman. We probably need something that has a bit of a plot, sexy looking men (and women, too! Mojo needs his eye-candy!), and some sort of a relationship between the characters.

Does anybody have any suggestions?

2

Why not take her down to the video store and let her pick something out?

Just be flexible and expect to be surprised – the last time I tried this, my “porno virgin” ended up choosing a tape full of pregnant women with lactating breasts (she wanted to see all the squirting milk, which to me is besides the point…).

3

I reccomend the Dirty Debutante series. It’s all amateur, which means that a good number of the women are moaning and gasping with real sexual pleasure, as opposed to the reading from cue cards that goes on in most commercial porn.

Many of the women in this series are knock-you-over porn-star loooking, but many others look like the woman next door.

Alas, you’re not likely to find attractive men in this series. Everybody knows that well-built, muscular and attractive men only appear in gay porn, and somehow I don’t think that’s what your girlfriend’s into.

4

I recommend Dreamquest, starring Jenna Jameson. You can read my review of it in this thread. It is a fantasy (fairies, trolls, etc.) movie with a high budget–for a porn movie, anyway. It actually has a decent plot, scenery, costumes, etc. along with the sex. Definitely a “couples” movie. The DVD had an interesting documentary, in case you are interested in how porn movies are made ;).

I’ve also seen Conquest by the same director (Brad Armstrong). It’s a pirate movie. I didn’t like it as much as Dreamquest, but you might. There is apparently also a Backdraft-type firefighter movie called Flashpoint that Ben Stein recommends, although I have not seen it yet.

5

Anything by director Michael Ninn. He keeps an element of class in his movies, no nasty super close ups, the people are attractive, and there’s at least a sexual plot. Fade To Blue and Latex are pretty good.

Interview with a Milkman is good too… something of a porn comedy. At least we were laughing a lot during it.

6

That’s the obvious answer isn’t it? Unfortunately, she refuses to go down to the video store with me. Afraid that somebody’ll see her coming out of “the back room” or something. Huh. I don’t understand it either.

Thanks for all the suggestions, everybody! Keep it up, please!

7

Right. If I could keep it up, I’d be IN the movies, Chester! :smiley:

Why not try for one of the classics – Deep Throat, Behind the Green Door, or The Devil In Miss Jones? I’ve never seen any of them, but chances are they will get the job done.

8

My suggestion is to make your own. It’s much more fun and you get to decide the plot.

9

Not Deep Throat!!! We borrowed that from a friend’s collection. I laughed myself silly over the theme music!

Frankly, I never saw any porn that didn’t strike me a ludicrous, but it might just be me… I don’t consider sex as a spectator sport.

10

Moderator’s note:

According to the forum descriptions, artistic stuff goes into Cafe Society. Hey, you guys are talking about some movie classics.

Besides, it’ll be so much fun to watch whether Euty and Uke blench in horror or start chiming in with their favorites.

TVeblen for IMHO

11

I’m rather partial to The Story of O.

12

Ex-porn star Candida Royale has a line of women freindly porn movies. I’d provide a link, but I might see Uke sometime in the future and I’d like to survive the encounter with all my limbs.

Do a google search on her name. The site isn’t bad at all, very tasteful.

13

There’s a porn star named Candida? :eek:

14

I second the Dirty Debutante series.

My wife watches it with me occasionally and she likes the amatuer feel of this series. He takes girls off the streets and for many it’s their first time on camera. Mrs. O likes the buildup where they talk to each other and the camera. Plus she thinks Jake Steed is hot, he is usually the poor bastard stuck doing this. It’s not your typical ‘up close shot of the crotch for 10 minute’ action.

15

Pussyman Goes to College.
The plot was absolutely preposterous: all this mention of a “talk” The Pussyman had to give on a college campus, but the viewer never gets to see Pussyman give the talk! The viewer is left wondering what all the meandering sexual flings amounted to when the screenwriter fails to resolve the central plot. I rate it a BOMB.

Blue Movie
This reviewer was very impressed by this particular film. The way it portrayed the female protaganist’s (Jenna Jameson) internal crisises as being encapsulated in a medium sized ball the actress bravely engages in coitus with. Strong choices all around in the acting and directing, the movie suffers slightly from its somewhat schizophrenic pacing. Nevertheless, it’s positive qualities more than compensate for any flaws. I look forward to seeing more from Jameson in the future, it’s obvious she has a very bright career ahead of her. 3.5 Stars (Out of Four)

16

I don’t even think that they have to be well-built and muscular. I just don’t think she wants to watch The Hedgehog in action.

17

As Biggirl wrote, Candida Royalle’s Femme films are noted for being “strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.”

Most Vivid films are also usually plot driven and the performers are among the best in the business. Stick with their feature films and avoid the collections (which eliminate the stories and just have the sex scenes).

Generally the type of movies you’re looking for are marketed as “couples” films. Ask your store if they have such a section.

And stay away from any film made by Al Borda or it’ll be no hot monkey love for you.

18

People, people, people. What’s the deal? I KNOW there’s more pornophiles on this board than that.

Never EVER EVER let a first-timer pick the movie. Why? They usually end up getting a lame-o one that’s a play on some famous movie title. Real life example: SO decides to pick up PULP FRICTION, a wretched excuse for porn.

Never ever make a first-timer watch that amateur stuff. Try showing her a Max Hardcore piece of misogyny and she’ll never speak to you again, let alone watch another porno. The Ed Powers “Dirty Debutante” series is equally creepy, in that all it is is a middle-aged putz with a pony tail inviting teenagers with a “when do I get my money?” look over to his house for pervy sex. Remember, you want the lady to ENJOY the movie. That said, most of the male performers in the amateur movies are pot-bellied, balding, and usually creepy. Amateur movies in general also have NO plot whatsoever. Your woman will be shocked that that’s all there is to pornography.

Steer clear of the “classics.” These things were made mostly in the 70s, so it looks like a grainy, grungy piece of color-faded filth. All the men are as hairy as bigfoots, and at least half of them aren’t circumcised. Not to mention that everyone in 70s porno is as pale as a ghost. DEEP THROAT, DEBBIE DOES DALLAS, and GREEN DOOR are wildly overrated to begin with. For the most part, the ensemble players in porn flicks didn’t get attractive until the 80s.

Don’t even THINK about getting a movie that seems like it’s all girl lezzie fest. Recipe for disaster, I think you know why. Same thing with movies that play up the anal sex aspect.

Your best bet is to find something relatively new. If there’s a hot chick on the box, go for it. But be sure there’s at least one piece of male eyecandy in there for the ladies. My girlfriends in the past have generally liked movies with Peter “The Decorator” North or Randy Spears. The aggressive “styles” of a TT Boy or a Tony Montana might be a turn-off for her.

It also might be wise to rent two movies, just in case one turns out to be a lame piece of crap, you can always pop in the other one. And believe me, there’s a lot of tepid crap out there.

19

The European Private series are the best I’ve ever seen. Extremely hot, natural looking girls for Mojo, good looking guys for your girl, a semblance of a plot (or as close as these things get to a plot) and excellent production values. My personal favourites are Cuntry Club and the whole Gigolo series. However, these are not for your girl; at least until she loses the training wheels. For the lady, may I suggest Pyramid I, II and last but not least III! I

20

My beef with the PRIVATE series is their notable lack of many girl/girl scenes. You’re five times more likely to see a five-guys-on-a-girl gang bang than a lezzie scene.

Me no like.