Okay…not sure how to start this thread or even why I’m starting it. And I’m still not sure about the title.
My fiance and I share a computer. We each have our own profile, so it’s like having separate computers.
Anyway, I logged on a few minutes ago and notice the modem was flashing like a mother-fuck. So, I made sure I had nothing running, then logged off, went to his profile to see if he was downloading something. (FYI, he doesn’t care that I do this, and I don’t care when he goes in to my profile. We have nothing to hide.)
I know he has porn in his profile. shrug What guy doesn’t, right?
So, he’s downloading a movie.
I don’t get it. I’m not really upset. I’m…I dunno what I am. Irked I guess is the best word.
Do guys (and girls alike) download porn when they’re in a happy relationship?
Am I missing something? Am I being over sensitive?
Like I said, I know he has a modest collection of porn. Usually he watches it once, then deletes it. But normally when he downloads it, it’s the middle of the night when he’s bored, not just before he leaves for his ball game.
Hell yeah. Without getting into details, I then take it - the feeling, the act, or whatever - to the bedroom. I’m the girl btw.
And I know he has tons on his computer, too. It’s not the reason why we have separate computers*, but it sure helps.
Fantasies fit into a whole different realm. Just because I watch whatever sure as hell doesn’t mean I necessarily want to do it! Same with him.
*We have two computers since we’ve found the best opponent & partner for co-op games is - each other!
You have to remember that porn in that context doesn’t have anything to do with you. It is just something that guys do and it is fascinating for us to watch. Biology generally dictates that we masturbate at regular intervals as well and porn helps with that as well. You could find out he is downloading a midget sex movie and that would mean… it wouldn’t mean anything except that he thought it was funny or novel. Remember that men are very visually stimulated when it comes to sex and porn just gives us something new to look at. We generally start on that hobby about the age of 12 or so. Don’t think that this is some new development.
There are times, you will discover, when you simply want to get off, with a minimum of fuss and bother. There are other times when one of you is in the mood and the other is not, or simply is unavailable.
Question: do you enjoy good food? Do get genuine pleasure out of preparing or eating a fine meal?
Do you also enjoy a handful of potato chips, now and then?
If so, try to understand that someone can be both totally desirous of fine cooking, and still enjoy the odd pre-packaged snack, without in any way diminishing his desire for or enjoyment of proper food.
previews
Oh, yes. That makes sense. Being required to do anything makes it inherently less fun.
I watch some online porn now and then, and I have no problem with my boyfriend watching it. Of course, we’re 600 miles apart right now, so that may have something to do with it.
Even when we’re together for good, though, I don’t have issues with porn as long as it’s not far-out kinky scary stuff. If he’s always looking at bondage videos, when I’m very not into that, then I’d start wondering if maybe I’m not really satisfying him. That, and if he starts spending more time in front at the screen than in the bedroom. I think I’d be insulted.
Some porn gets me very very turned on and then I want to find him and jump on him. I assume it works the same way for him, and in that sense it can’t possibly be a bad thing. Watching it with him is the next logical step, I guess, but I’m not sure I’d like that. I think I’d feel irrationally jealous, watching him being turned on by some other woman on the screen. But hey, can’t know till I try…
I only have a problem with my boyfriend looking at porn if he knows I want to have sex and watches it anyway, without me. Makes me feel like I’ve been robbed of my chance to get off.
Other than that, don’t really care. Those women may or may not enjoy their jobs, don’t care - I just know there’s not much of a chance he’ll ever meet, let alone fuck, most of them.
Porn is usually just another form of entertainment. Getting upset because your partner is watching porn is like getting upset because he’s laughing at David Chapelle instead of asking you to tell him a joke.
OK. I am going to type this quickly once through without preview, since my wife is on a different computer right behind me. Of course it will be archived forever in the SDMB, but she won’t notice, will she?
Your statement above contains a number of inaccuracies that I will attempt to clear up. And no, not a shred of this is from first-hand knowledge, it’s all based on what I know about various friends of mine. If my wife is reading this somehow, trust me, she knows who I’m talking about. (Right, honey?)
[ul][li]He has a modest collection of porn. This is almost certainly false. My guess is that this is an extremely cagey and shrewd individual you have here, and my hat is off to him. He is in a serious long-term relationship with you (affiancéd), and has assumed that at some point you will look for or discover his porn. Thus, he has casually allowed you to see a “modest collection” thereof in an open, shared environment. But I have said enough. By all means, dearie, continue to ignore the man behind the curtain.[/li][li]He watches it once, then deletes it. Much of the porn downloaded by men does indeed end up in the bit bucket. But rest assured, somewhere there is a cache of cherished and treasured porn. This is probably not a “modest” collection, unless he is a man of exceeding and discriminating taste, or one who is likely to, say, clean out his closet of all the clothes he doesn’t fit any more on a regular basis. In fact, unless he is young enough to have only experience Digital Porn, he probably has some VHS tapes or DVDs or magazines tucked away somewhere as well. (Possibly even in a safety deposit box, as someone mentioned their brother did.)[/li][li]Normally he downloads it in the middle of the night when he’s bored. Hoo boy, where to start. Let’s see: “bored” isn’t exactly the right word, unless he’s some kind of porn addict (and they do exist). And if he’s doing this in the middle of the night with your knowledge, he’s probably got crawler 'bots trawling the 'net, including USENET that you thought everybody forgot about but still sees a flood of traffic on alt.binaries.movies.erotica.your-kink-here types of newsgroups. Finally, I suggest you try putting a light film of grease on the keyboard and see where the “wear patterns” are. My guess: the ALT and TAB keys see a lot of action when you pop in and out of the room.[/li][/ul]
Now, none of this means he is deviant or doesn’t find you attractive, or want to have you on the kitchen counter right now while your mutual friends are in the living room waiting for the tray of “pigs in a blanket” that you’re supposedly getting ready. It’s more like spending time in the batting cage or taking free throw practice.
On the other hand, if you notice a pattern in the “exposed porn” he’s downloading with respect to certain actions or outfits, well, it might be a hint.
Lady Venom, don’t worry about it. I rather think you are getting stressed about the baby-making thing. I think normally this might not even be on your radar. You seem understanding.
As for the movie, maybe a friend suggested it. “You really gotta see this, it’s cool!” Maybe he was curious. Maybe he started the download and forgot about it.
Trying to have a baby can be one of the most stressful times, I hear. It’s going to come out in other ways, too…just be prepared.
Anyway, my GF asked to borrow some porn a while back, so I made my small but rather specialized collection available to her. If anything in there comes up in the bedroom at any point in the future, I will laugh my ass off. (Hmmm, maybe this comment is better suited to the “fantasy vs. real-life desires” thread…)
