Bin Laden Reveals True Motive For WTC Attacks
In a statement last week Bin Laden was quoted “No, no, no. You guys have got me all wrong. I don’t have anything against America per se. It’s just that, last time I was vacationing in the U.S. I think Avis overcharged me for the mileage on my rental car.” Avis representatives deny any error in pricing.
All your mudhuts are belong to us.
Erek
RACE ON TO CONSTRUCT WORLD’S SHORTEST BUILDING
Ireland claims Dublin’s 4-foot high O’Reilly Centre “couldn’t be hit by a cropduster”
U.S. Blames Rebel Alliance, Plans Invasion Of Hoth
Navy Pilots Training Against Womp Rats; General Veers Preparing His Men; France Surrenders To Tatooine
Uri Geller: I Was At The Controls, From My Apartment
“Let’s see you do it again - anyone have four spare airliners?” says Randi
Nashville Gearing Up For Massive WTC-Related Song Production
Studios Packed; “High Rise” Rhymed With “Child’s Eyes” 50 Times
Commemorative Plate People Just About Spooging In Their Pants
[/quote]
Point/Counterpoint
The Americans Will Never Find Me
by Osama bin Laden, Leader, Al Queda
vs
Actually, I Can See You Right Now, Sucker
by Lt. Josh Carroll, F-15 pilot
[/quote]
**Onion Infographic: Who Do We Think Will Kill Osama bin Laden?
22% USAF Bombers
16% US Rangers
11% Dirty Harry Callahan
5% Navy SEALS
16% Ahnold
9% The creepy guy in 14C who just stares out his window all day
4% French troops - nah, just joshing
17% One very, very pissed off New Yorker**
Authorities Announce: Bin Ladan Exonerated!!!
probe shifts to George Sinclair’s Widow and Children
U.S. Forces Bomb Afghanistan Into Ultra-Hyper Laser Beam Age
“Shit, we got it backwards,” says Rumsfeld
Department of Defense Goes 3-D
Construction begins on new Icosahedron
Clinton Condemns Timing of Attacks: Should Have Occurred Earlier
“No fair!” says ex-president. “Bush just gets a legacy served to him on a fiery silver platter of death.”
Bin Laden Turns Out To Be 12 Year Old Wisconsin Boy
“Terrorist” misled U.S. intelligence in internet chat room
Chandler Bing Among the Missing
Only “Friend” with a real job thought to work in tall office building.
Bin Laden Locked in Room with Barney the Dinosaur
“I’ve had enough of this I-Love-You shit” giant foam reptile heard to say.
Dan Quayle bemoans WTS Tragedy
Former VP also thinks Apu may have been behind it.
Y’all are sick and depraved.
::bookmarks thread::
I’m so fucking proud to be in your presence. 
Despite tremendous feelings of inadequacy in this demented thread, I will offer a few contributions.
Laid-off Airport Security Guards Finds Work as Replacement NFL Umpires
“Their blindess and willingness to look the other way should make for more exciting and controversial games,” says an NFL spokesman.
Box-Cutter Manufacturers Report 6500% Increase in Sales in the Middle East region.
“We project our fourth-quarter earnings to reach record levels,” an industry spokesman said at a news conference last night. “Our aggressive new ad campaign will now focus on the utility and versatily of our products aside from construction and aviation uses.”
Major Scandal in Iraqi Government as Saddam Hussein is Caught Masturbating to Footage of WTC Attack
Witness said to be in hiding.
FBI Releases Pyschological Profile of Bin Laden
Profile indicates that Bin Laden’s dislike of tall, erect structures may indicate profound sexual inadequacy.
Afghani Goat Farmers Join Call for Bin Laden’s Capture
“Have you noticed that there are very few women at al-Qaeda?” said one goat herder. “It makes me concerned when I see my goats disappear.”
Major Movie Studio Considers Movie Adaptation of Events
“We’re thinking “Titanic” meets World Trade Center,” said a source on condition of anonymity. “Boy from Tower One meets Girl from Tower Two, and a love triangle is set up with a jealous suitor from Tower Two.” Celine Dion has already penned the theme song, to be titled, “Love Amongst the Rubble.” No word yet on whether James Cameron will direct.
I was thinking about it, and I think it should be:
Al your Qaeda are belong to us.
Billboard announces first ever #1 Hit by a Middle Eastern group: "The Bin Laden Calypso"
Catchy lyrics, which include “Come on, Mr. Taliban, tally me Osama”, may expose group to charge of plagiarism.
OSAMA BIN LADEN CLAIMS WTC ATTACKS “ALL A BIG MISUNDERSTANDING” - INSISTS BAD TRANSLATION OF THE VERB ‘STRIKE’ IN INTRA-TERRORIST MEMO CAUSED MIX-UP “I never intended for this to happen,” says bin Laden. “I admit that I was a little cranky and I said fuck 'em, but things just got out of hand… You have no idea how friggin’ dense these zealots can be sometimes. They’re like Jerry Falwell on acid…well, maybe marijuana.”
MAN FAILS TO RECEIVE MEDAL FOR SHOOTING MUSLIM CLERK
“I don’t understand it,” laments Bob Lindgren, 45 year-old construction worker and patriot who shot convenience store clerk Mohammed Abdul-Rahmaan twice in the head Sunday evening in response to the September 11 terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. “I’ve done my duty for America and I think I deserve some kind of recognition for this.”
BIN LADEN ADMITS JEALOUSLY OF AMERICAN FREEDOM, OPPORTUNITY
According to inside sources, terrorist Osama bin Laden planned the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon because he was “extremely jealous” of the United States. An agitated Bin Laden spoke briefly to interviewers from his cave in the mountains of Afghanistan: “Okay, I admit it! America is the brightest beacon for freedom and opportunity in the world, and that makes me very, very angry!”
AIRLINERS TO INCLUDE SELF-DESTRUCT BUTTONS
In an effort to prevent future terrorist hijackings, Boeing will include self-destruct buttons on every new airliner built after September 2001. The large, red buttons will be located on the left armrest of every passenger seat in the aircraft. Should hijackers take over the plane, passengers will be able thwart terrorist plans with a simple press of a button.
PA PLANE TARGET WAS PENN STATE
Weak football team "an abomination before Allah."
NOT TERRORISM BUT FLIGHT SCHOOL?
Pilot of AF1 also alum, couldn’t find DC
“We kept telling him ‘Washington’” said an annonymous Secret Service source, “but he couldn’t navigate worth a damn.” Col. Charles “Chuck” Waggon first thought the nation’s capital was in Louisiana, then accidentally flew to Nebraska.
McDonald’s New WTC Happy Meal Dubbed "In Poor Taste"
Comes with toy plane, collapsing cardboard model of towers, and rescue worker action figures.
EXCLUSIVE: WTC Revealed to Have Been One Week from Retirement!
RickJay, you don’t just kick ass, you smite ass! 
**A New Terror Takes To The Sky **
Strapped with dynamite, Pidgeon Death Squads are training to blow up famous landmarks, such as the Millenneum Wheel that graces London’s skyline. " It will help save our radical zealots for more important labor issues like flag burning and rock throwing exhibitions for international news media and get rid of the the pesky germ ridden birds." said one member of the Taliban on condition of anonymity. Mr. Adbul el-Grazhi ( of 104 Stone Cave Parkway, Apartment 8C, Baddalamabadaad, Afghanistan) said the only problem he was encountering during the training was, " Once the birds land at their destination, they forget to light the wick."
Or…
Al your Qaeda are belong to U.S.
Giuliani Vows: New WTC Will Be Twice as Large, More Than Twice As Powerful
Will be protected by energy shield generated from New Jersey
This is friggin’ genius.
**US knocks on Afghans door **
“Nobody home, but us chickens.”
**Prez of Pakistan Gives Stirring Speech to His countrymen ** “We live in the UK, you retard.” came a collective shout from all the Fish n Chips owners of Great Britian.
**bin Laden’s Mother Speaks Out **
"He fucked alot of goats as a little boy. It kept him out from under my feet. "
**Frank Sinatra Rises From the Dead To See The Rubble **
“What son of a bitch did this to MY town?” The Chairman of the Board was heard to mutter between clenched teeth.
**Wicked Witch of the West Breaks Her Silence **
“That bin Laden fellow is even scarier looking than my winged monkeys.”