News
Wascally bin Laden
claims its “Duck Season”
Apparently, storm hits FL
Pants Shat
Headlines
Clean Underwear Shortage Hits Mideast
Al Queda, Jawas form alliance
Glowy eyes, droid parts to aide terrorist cause
Bin Laden Relaxing, Not Doing It
Reports indicate that he may, however, want to go do it
Woo-Hoo! I’m post #300 on this thread and started page 7! To bad my stuff is horribly lame!
**AMERICA COUNTERS TERROR WITH MORE TERROR: SLIPKNOT TO TOUR AFGHANISTAN
“We surrender!” pleads Taliban
LONE AMERICAN SEEN HOLDING CANDLE OUTSIDE HOUSE AT 10:30 LAST NIGHT
Expresses relief that his Brooklyn Bridge was not damaged; proudly displays vast collection of Dave Del Dotto’s “No Money Down” real estate videos to reporters
BEN AFFLECK EXPRESSES SORROW OVER TERROR ATTACKS
“I sure picked the wrong time to quit drinking,” troubled actor says
DISNEYSTAN, TALIBAN THEME PARK, TO BE SPARED AIR STRIKES, PENTAGON SAYS
Mullah Mouse, Donald Ducat, Peter Pakistan safe for now**
"He was always a bit of a loner"
Ahmet al Sharif, next door neighbor of suspected mass murderer Osama bin Laden revealed to authorities. “But I never would have suspected him of something like this”
FEDS SAY EARLIER REPORT OF 10,000 LEADS FROM INTERNET TIP SITE TO BE ERRONEOUS
“Unfortunately,” says chief, "we had a typo at the top of the web page - what we thought were leads turned out to be posts from 10,000 assholes telling us that ‘terrerist’ is spelled with an 'o’
Charlton Heston condemns role of gun control in WTC attacks.
“If every sound-minded citizen in new york had the right to carry their own stinger missiles, the planes would never have made it that far,” says NRA president. “I’m just glad they didn’t get the Statue of Liberty, or BOTH Planet of the Apes movies would have endings that don’t make sense.”
Bin Laden says U.S. aggression towards him a total misunderstanding.
“Dude, I totally tried to IM Bush with “jk” moments after the attack, but his AIM was turned off. Total buzzkill,” claims muslim extremist.
Sorry, what did the old gal have to do with the remake? 
Esprix
Nothing; the remake already didn’t make sense.
Vinnie, I want to bear your children!
Ahem.
That said:
**Pentagon’s New Shape Revealed Today **
" It will be in the shape of a Pentagram, " Says Lucy Ferr-Mestophocles, chief architect. “If we are the Great Satan, why not say it for the whole world to see!”
**Ben & Jerry’s Cancel’s New Flavor **
Pulling *Ruby Ridge Rum Raisin * from the shelves.
“Would not be appropriate at this time.”
**Gays Allowed In Military **
“We feel at this time of national crisis, it is time to lay down our differences and admit able bodied men, be they transvestites or gender confused, into the ranks. Butchy lesbians are very highly encouraged to sign on with the Marines.” Said Colin Powell.
**Gays Respond **
" I am nooooot fighting in cammies. It makes me looook fat! And what is with that face paint? Ugh, haven’t you people ever heard of Bobby Brown?" replied James “Rachel” Hotchkiss.
Jackson Envious of WTC
“In better shape that my face”, mourns once-popular singer.
**bin Laden’s Father Speaks Out **
“A strange one, that Osama.” Said his father, Mahmet bin Laden, “His testicles never dropped.”
**Bill Clinton Meets Bin Laden **
“Say, Osama, is that sheet you’re wearin’ from the Gap?”
**QUANTAS Still The Only Airline Without A Crash **
“Neener, neener, neener.” replied company President Bruce Billabong.
Amtrak denies a crash happened just days after WTC
“It was for an upcoming movie starring Segal, Van Damme, Moranis, Nicholson, and Blanchett,” says spokesman.
MAKERS OF RESOLVE CARPET CLEANER SUEING PREZ FOR COPYRIGHT INFRINGMENT.
Bush Jr. Now Officially a Man
Landing Pad For SDF-1 To Be Built On WTC Site
Pez takes new Osama Bin Laden dispenser off shelves.
Bush vows vengeance on “that country next to the funny-shaped one”
Cheney takes decisive action. Bush wants wowwipop.
Terrorists just greeting Co-Pilot Jack; seized new opportunity.
Pez takes new Osama Bin Laden dispenser off shelves.
Bush vows vengeance on “that country next to the funny-shaped one”
Cheney takes decisive action. Bush wants wowwipop.
Terrorists just greeting Co-Pilot Jack; seized new opportunity.
**CIA Try New Ploy **
Sending bin Laden a gift, which when it is near the terrorist leaders face, will cause his beard to fall off.
“Maybe the second time’s the charm.”
**Martha Stewart Works with CIA, Massad, SAS **
" Put linens and towels on sale at Kmart and set up surveillence." says the meglomaniac uber hostess.
Parker, Stone, write Presedentian address:
“Blame Canada” cornerstone of anti-terrorist policy
New Terrorist Demand: Ex-Beatle Starr must return sacred ring
Next Target: Jennifer Lopez’s Butt
Terrorists need target they can see from air
New call for bipartisanship from Spider-Man, Batman
D.C., Marvel heroes put aside differences
Justice League gives hearty "Avengers Assemble!’’
American Psychiatric Assoc. recommends suicide counseling for all Afghan pilots
All least if WE’RE ever gonna board a plane again, dude.
Terrorists: You’ll get my boxcutter when you pry it from my cold, dead hand
Rest of us: Sounds good
WTC Collapses: NY Times says women, minorities hit hardest
Yeah, I know that joke’s been done …
Taliban demands complete ban on Britney Spears
Not such bad guys, some say.
Al Sharpton: Dead Firefighters Responsible
Rev. says firemen scrawled slurs on victims
Hillary Clinton, Al Gore seek his support
Tikkun Magazine: Could overreaction be keeping us from admiring artistry, poetry of burning buildings?
Bin Laden labels American military, citizenry cowards
Leader slinks back inside cave, hides behind Taliban
China: We (snicker) send our most heartfelt (snort) condolences (bwa-hah-hah-hah!)