Samuel L. Jackson to Lead Attack on Afganistan
[sup]Operation Infinite Justice changed to Operation Ezekiel 25:17[/sup]
“Jackson is a badmuthafucka,” says Rumsfeld.
Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan, Kyrgyzstan, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan, and Kreplakistan Also Targets
“I can’t keep track off all these -stan places, so we’re just gonna wipe 'em all out,” says Bush.
Editorial: Aw, I bet I could take that Bin Laden guy.
by BillyBobJoe
Everyone’s talking about that Bin Laden fella, the one what blows up the buildings and shit? Man, he ain’t so tough! I bet I could take him in a fight!
I hear tell on that there tv last night that he ain’t doin’ so good. He got bad kidneys or somethin, and he walks with a cane. Man, if he saw me comin’, he’d probably piss in his
Depends!
Man, you know, all I’d have to do is just start pounding him. I mean, what’s he gonna do-whip them there towels at me? Nosiree, not me. I’ll be danged if don’t start trippin over that robe what they make him wear. Then I’d just start kicking him in the face and stomach. Finally, I’d grab a chair and break it over his back. Man, that would be so freakin’ cool!
You know, I think I’m gonna go have muh brother write a letter to the President and tell him my plan. I’d do it myself, but I can’t write good since that truck fell on my head.
Missing Terror Victims Unhurt; Were Miraculously Saved by Invisible Flying Saucers
Found Sipping Tea with Elvis, Judge Crater
Will Return to Earth with Honor Guard of Airborne Pigs
FEMA Enforces Strict “No Looting” Policy for Emergency Workers
Ill-Paid EMT Forced to Return Bond Trader’s Bulging Wallet
Pentagon Staff Demands Equality of Mourning
“Hey, we were hit by a plane too,” Says one anonymous source, “Just because our building was strong enough not to fall down doesn’t mean we’re worthless.”
Rural Pennsylvania Had No Comment
Tajikistan Offers Self as Staging Ground for Attack
Told “Not to Hold Its Breath”
Eminem Claims Hate-Filled Song “Stan” Is Actually About Taliban; Shold be Spelled " 'stan"
Scrawny Cretin Is Roundly Mocked
Wall Street Announces 50% Reduction in "Big, Swinging Dicks"
No Layoffs Needed; Reduction in Force Accomplished by Attrition, Fire
[sub]I’m definitely going to hell with this batch[/sub]
Their Ed. in Chief gave a talk at my dorm last year. That is their express policy, for the reasons given before (legal issues). Ironically, the only legal trouble they have gotten into was about the Janet Jackson/make-a-wish boy.
Al Queda Announces New Recruitment Incentives:
In Addition to Virgins in Paradise, Suicide Bombers to Receive Unlimited Lap Dances and Shots of Jack Daniel’s the Night Preceding Mission
C. Everette Koop detained for questioning. " It’s my “Mr. Yoder look, really.” pleads the former Surgeon General.
**I.R.A. Reaction To WTC Attack **
" They killed thousands of innocent people - women, children, rescue workers - over religion."
murmured Sean McGuire, leader of the IRA. " It that fuckin’ insane."
Is Germany A Staging Ground For Terrorists?
Einstürzende Neubauten Held For Questioning Pounding Electronica Beats Antithetical to American Rock-n-roll, Way of Life, claim FBI
Sadly folks, that is the actual headline of the September 21 edition of The Birmingham (Alabama) Post-Herald, speaking about Khalid Ss Aldiribi, a man currently being held by federal authorities in connection with the attacks. It seems he took about four flight lessons at the Bessemer Airport (small city directly west of Birmingham). There was also an article in yesterday’s edition which notes that the flight instructors were afraid to fly with him due to his bad attitude. http://www.postherald.com/me092001.shtml
The headline from that article? “We didn’t think he was a terrorist”
The guy had a string of petty traffic offenses here in Alabama and elsewhere, and was detained at Dulles last week while trying to board an aircraft.
Al Quaeda shaken by ironic SMDB quips
“These infidels think they can make a joke out of anything. And fuck me if they can’t. We’re doomed” says source close to Bin Laden