They are UK, I think is was said. I have no idea what it takes to live there.
Having a baby at this point is way more dangerous than the monetary issues.
It would be about the worst thing that could happen.
Dude has complications now, whew! Just think of all crap for just medical appointments thru a pregnancy and the first year after birth.
No. Having a baby would be a disaster. IMO
I think you are too hard on the OP here. For a lot of men (me included), doing thinks for your wife/partner are their way of expressing all of that. Actions do not lie, words do.
Could you write, “We enjoy our time with one another,” or, “we’ve made sacrifices out of our love for each other”?
When you ask her, what does she say?
I’m really getting a strong vibe of “I’m the one who makes decisions” here. She’s showing up in your sentences mostly as the object of verbs, or as “just as confused” or “has to suffer the indignity” or the like. It’s not that she doesn’t have agency, it’s that I’m not sure the degree to which you’re prioritizing her agency.
So, three questions:
Sure–but if you’re doing things without checking in with her that they’re the things she wants, you’re not doing them for your partner, you’re doing them for an abstract idea of a partner. That’s not love, that’s fantasizing. There sounds like a real disconnect between the things Ryan is doing, and the things his wife wants him to do.
Jesus Fucking Christ!
Lick her clitoris!
ETA: (Ideally as part of a frenetic duet where you explore each other’s bodies for hours before lounging the rest of the day in bed, naked and physically spent, while sharing your deepest thoughts and fears. That’s the sort of bonding that makes a marriage strong)
…and with that, @Moriarty slew the teeming millions.
Y’know, honestly, this.
The OP has apparently not had sexual relations with his wife for some time, and he claims that it’s entirely because of fear of pregnancy (and he’s now made posts saying that nothing short of 100% certainty of no pregnancy is acceptable to him).
Even if part of her desire for sex is that she wants kids, sexual intimacy helps to reinforce the emotional ties in a relationship, and there a whole lot of ways to be intimate, and enjoy each other, where the penis gets nowhere near the vagina.
I said it earlier in this thread, and I’ll say it again: it feels to me like mismatched libido levels are part of the issue here.
Honestly don’t go there unless it’s really communicated as something both partners want, and no not licking like an ice cream cone, which reminds me food play is fun. But never mind. Fear of pregnancy is real, get on the birth control!
Fair. My response was more meant to be, “just because you, OP, are obsessed about not getting your wife pregnant, you’re apparently withholding all sexual contact, which is also not healthy.”
I think OP mentioned up thread that there is intimacy but not intercourse.
Who knows why oral sex is not an optimal choice here. Could be it’s against her or his principals.
No matter that, She wants babies. If you never felt that biological need it’s hard to understand.
I wanted babies so bad I married into two and risked my life for two more.
She not gonna go for oral sex.
I went back and read all of the OP’s posts in this thread, and the only thing I found was:
Which might be oral sex, might be snuggling, might be verbal affection, or whatever; it’s not clear.
Could be a hug on the way out the door, too. Or buying a Hallmark card.
When you are the man and all the ultra-high reliable methods of BC (other than total abstention) are solely at the woman’s discretion, that would be a very psychologically uncomfortable thing to do.
It would be very easy for her to start on the pill for a couple months, quit for 2 weeks, get pregnant, and claim it was a BC failure, not a plot to get pregnant. Because even the pill is not 100% reliable, there’d be no way to prove the difference.
I think she wants sex as well as babies. Maybe the first will do for a bit of time. Also her need for babies may be more cultural than hormonal. May be. If it is hormonal, as you said, it’s torture for her.
Yep. A friend of mine did that. She wanted a baby and she got twins who just turned 18.
See, we can never know her side.
The OP shared his problem.
If someone is worried that their spouse will pull a trick in order to get pregnant, that’s not a sign of a healthy marriage. In that kind of relationship, they’d also need to be worried about stuff like the bank account being cleaned out and loans taken out behind the other person’s back. There’s no point in being in a marriage like that. Just get divorced and find a relationship where you don’t have to worry about your partner being so deceitful.
We could make quite a list of “things we don’t know about this situation that would be really useful understand in order to have an informed opinion about what’s going on and what advice might help the OP.” Here, I’ll start:
What is the wife’s reason for saying she’d like to work part time AFTER she has a baby, but not now?
Do the OP and his wife have mutually satisfying sexual intimacy without PIV (Penis In Vagina, for those of you who like your acronyms spelled out)?
Why don’t members of the OP’s family welcome, or at least politely tolerate, the relationship? Is it because they are racist assholes, or do they at least pretend to have a different explanation?
How well did the OP and his bride know each other before they got married? Did they discuss having children, and when they’d like that to happen, beforehand?
Reeling this back a bit, here’s my summary take of what’s going on, based solely on the OP’s posts, and his descriptions of his own feelings and concerns, as well as what he’s shared (yes, from his own POV) about his wife:
I think it’s pretty clear why his wife is talking about divorce; she held out for two years, against the promise of getting something she truly wants (children) once they got into a house, and now that they’re there, her husband seems to be unwilling to give her that.
OP, i ask this: do you love her? Will helping her in getting what she wants make you happy? I ask the latter because it’s not clear to me, in your posts, that it will.
Why don’t people discuss the having kids thing before they’re married?
It’s such an important part.
We just walk blindly into it.
Once the honeymoon is over it seems natural that having baby is what to do.
When it doesn’t happen (for whatever reason) is where the problem starts.
When one partner doesn’t care or actively does not want children and the other does. Someone’s gonna be disappointed.