Southland. It’s really unfortunate that those people had to die in such a barbarous country, but the customs of Southland are very particular about including a shrieking attendant with each bus crash victim.
The yolk of an [albino snowhatch dragon] is white.
Revolution and the change from the Julian to Gregorian calendar, naturally.
Your flashlight, to make sure you don’t muck up lighting the match.
What is mostly green, has 8 legs, 4 eyes and big fangs?
I don’t know either, but it’s crawling on your shoulder!::scream and run::
What do you call a blind deer?
No eye deer (no idea)
And the plethora of “What do you call a man with no arm or legs…” jokes based on names:
…in the water? Bob
…on the wall? Art
…in front of the door? Matt
…in a hole? Phil
…under a car? Jack
…on a package? Beau (particularly Christmassy!)
…in the mailbox? Bill
…after a lion attack? Claude
…on a dirt road? Dusty
…in a field? Glen
…in a tree? Leif
…in the weeds? Russell
And for the ladies:
What do you call…
…a one legged woman? Eileen
And for Mother Nature:
…a two legged cow? Lean beef
…a cow with no legs? Ground beef
…a dog with no legs? Doesn’t matter, he won’t come anyway.
There’s also the classic, which is some riff on: “You’re a bus driver. At the first stop you pick up 17 passengers. At the second stop your drop off 5 passengers and pick up 7 more. At the third stop, 10 passengers get off, and 2 get on. What’s the name of the bus driver?” (Or how old is the bus driver or what color is the bus driver’s shirt, etc. If you missed it, it’s the first sentence that is important.)
One of the classics that doesn’t work anymore: What’s black and white and read all over?Formerly, a newspaper, before they were printed in color and before they started to disappear from daily life
What color eggs do peacocks lay? Peacocks don’t lay eggs. Peahens do.
How many of each species of animal did Moses bring with him on the ark? None. It was Noah.
How far can you walk into the forest? Halfway. After that, you’re walking out of the forest
You’re a-walking into the bathroom American and you’re a-coming out American. What are you when you’re in there? European
Can a man living west of the Mississippi legally be buried east of the Mississippi? No, because he’s living.
Why did the cow start going to the church with a Martian reverend? She was looking for greener pastors
Who’s bigger, Mr. Bigger or Mr. Bigger’s baby? Mr. Bigger’s baby is just a little Bigger
Why does the Russian get embarrassed whenever you open the refrigerator door? It’s dressing
Why wouldn’t the potatoes let their daughter marry the news anchor? Because he’s just a common 'tater (commentator)
Why are Santa’s caribou all wet? Rain, dear
What does Frosty do with his money? He puts it in the snowbank
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