****I’m sorry no one recognized the quotation in my previous post.
I’m sorry that I’m so awful at being a husband. It’s nothing obvious but I know it.
I’m sorry you’re thin-skinned enough to get offended at what I said.
I’m sorry if you found my remarks offensive. While I’m being completely candid,I’d like to express my profound regret in acknowledging that mistakes were made.
Are you implying that I’m stupid? Don’t call me stupid!
Oh, right! To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people! I’ve known sheep that could outwit you. I’ve worn dresses with higher IQs. But you think you’re an intellectual, don’t you, ape?
as_u_wish, I got it. I get your great username too!
I’m sorry about that time I inadvertently gave that nice couple the wrong directions and probably sent them at least 50 miles out of their way.
I’m sorry I fed my dog peanut butter when I was 8. It took him forever to get rid of it and it could have killed him.
I’m sorry I slept with my pet chick when I was 10, rolled over in the night and smothered him.
I’m deeply sorry for several things I couldn’t possibly post on a public message board.
Sailboat, cry such a sad story.
I’m sorry for all the people I bullied in school.
I’m sorry, Anthony, that in second grade, I told you that I wished black people were still slaves, and then punched you in the stomach.
I’m sorry, Justin, that I stabbed you with a wooden barbecue skewer during lunch in second grade, and then later, on an ill-fated play-date at your house orchestrated jointly by our parents in an attempt to make us be friends, I destroyed a large portion of the stone path outside your house with a snow shovel.
I’m sorry to all the second-graders who, when I was in third-grade, my friends and I beat up, whipped with thorny branches, and did all kinds of brutal things to as an “initiation” into our “club.”
I’m sorry to Ben for shoving you into a giant glass window in the “reading room” in third grade, which left a gigantic crack in the window that later had to be repaired, although I have to say, you started it by kicking me in the nuts.
I’m sorry to Josh for hitting you with a chair and also punching you in the nose so bad that you had to go to the nurse’s office, in fourth grade.
I’m sorry, Robert, that my friends and I gave you shit all through-out high school for being a skinny dork and having a weird voice, but really, you should have like, lifted some weights or something. You were always talking about how you wanted to join the Army but come on! How would you get through basic training if you couldn’t get through our bullying! You should have improved yourself! By the way, we didn’t actually hate you, really - it was all in fun. Although you probably wanted to kill us. Don’t kill us.
I’m sorry, Hunter, that when I was a senior in high school, my friends and I used to throw sausages at you during lunch because you had gay-ass curly hair. If it’s any consolation, I always wanted to fuck your sister.
Sorry, everybody.
(Cool, that was easier than I thought and now I can call my sponsor and tell him I finished Step 9)
<rests on his laurels and waits for magical sense of closure and liberation>
Buddhism’s central philopsophy is not ‘Every man for himself!’
I, as always, am sorry for all of the times I lost my temper and all of the people I lost it to. It’s not a healthy or good thing to do, and it doesn’t get your point across in any good way.
I am so sorry you feel that way.
I’m sorry your a short Liverpuddlian.
I ate the plums
in the fridge
that you were saving for breakfast
Sorry
They were awesome
I was wondering where they went!
(No, really, I put plums in the fridge last night and they are gone. I was seriously wondering where they went, as he doesn’t eat plums. 
)
I apologize in advance for all the suffering the people of Chattanooga will be subjected to by my minions this weekend. Especially the stuff involving flying cockroaches. Alas, achieving my objectives in an efficient, timely, amusing fashion does require a certain amount of, ah, bloodshed. If you are in Chattanooga, you may wish to visit friends in Georgia until at least Tuesday.
I would like to apologize as I don’t know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.*
Jim
- My apology for plagiarizing J.R.R. Tolkien from the Fellowship of the Ring, Bilbo’s Farewell Speech.
Fool of a Took! The act of apologizing for plagiarizing Tolkien in the same post as the alleged plagiarism means there WAS no plagiarism!
My word, what DO they teach in these schools?
I apologize for being sneaky that way and avoiding any hint of doing something wrong.
I apologize for the Zombie attack I launched on you over the Lost Weekend.
Don’t worry about it. I had a live-fire (well, undead-biting) zombie-attack drill scheduled for that weekend anyway, so you actually spared me the trouble & expense of raising my own hordes of the undead. The improvements in our procedures gleaned during the exercise will be of great help during this weekend’s assault on Chattanooga. (It’s not common knowledge, but east Tennessee is actually under the protection of a fairly powerful voodoo warlord.)
Dolly Parton?
I apologize for laughing so hard at that. But it does explain much, doesn’t it?