There was a poster whose limericks
pushed quite a few dopers to hysterics
when he refused to desist
he made the top of their list
and since then he’s become paranoic
I’d like to see any of you pansies TRY to beat the fuck outta me! Especially you dainty little Wiccans…or maybe some limp-wristed vegetarian…or one of pocket-protecting geeks…bring it on!! I’d bitch-slap you (and make you tell me that you liked it!) before you even got your dainty hand formed into a fist.
Contestant #3
Until recently, I had no one I would put on this list, but now I gotta say I have been forced onto the “Contestant #3” bandwagon.
Oh? Touched a nerve huh? So what is it? Are you a witch, a vegetarian, or a geek?
…or some combination of them?
Oh, here’s another group of people that I like to insult…the folks at PETA…could you possibly be one of THOSE crazy bastards?
Contestant #3
You want insults, Byzantine? You want new orifices ripped into you? All right, then, you asked for it:
ahem
BYZANTINE WRITES RUN-ON SENTENCES!!!
I’m not flying fast, just orbiting low.
Connie-boy: None of the above. Just someone who thinks you’re a complete and total ass who enjoys posting deliberately offensive messages.
Witches, geeks, and PETA jerks offend ME.
Contestant #3
C3, if ignorance were money you’d own the world. Please don’t try your tough talk on me, I know how weak and pathetic radio people are. I could get the aliens you are so fond of to kill you before you could pry your fat ass out of your chair in the broadcast booth.
“There are many sweeping generalizations that are always true” -Space Ghost
God, I’m gone for three days and C#3 has taken over MY thread! I swear to all that is holy and sacred you cling to my butt like tissue paper! Look you flaming little poo spot on my underwear, if you don’t stop being you and start being more like everyone else I’m gonna… I’m gonna… oh, poo! I don’t know what I’m gonna do!
Oh, wait, I feel a song coming on…
Gotta dance! (Flings arms up into the air, big smile on her face)
I just gotta dance!
(Okay, so I watched Singing in the Rain tonight, just shoot me now!)
E1skeptic– thanks for the nice words, I like you too 
Hell, I really do like everyone here in one way or another. I was just so sick of the Pit becoming this lame place with nothing going on! Flames and fire and hate seem to sharpen everyone. And I was touched (or prodded) by the insults flung my way. Funny, creative, excellent!
Am I hurt? Nope. Would I do it again? Yep. Oh, and Satan? Haven’t heard back from you so hey, like, I was just kidding, right? Don’t you sic Heather on me or nothing… nor her batch of defensive friends!
The moon looks on many flowers, the flowers on but one moon.
Your incontinence is not my problem. My advice: Depends Undergarments.
Contestant #3
Oh yeah, I almost forgot.
LongHrn99,
Hellooooo? McFly? I’m no more a “radio person” than you are. Geesh, I thought everybody knew that!
The tough talk stands. Try to kick my ass and I’ll slap you down so hard that your unborn children will cry.
Contestant #3
C#3:
I dunno… I mean, sure, I enjoy nice kaiser rolls and bagels, but Ham & Cheese on a PETA never offended me that much…
That was almost as funny as:
I laughed so hard it hurt!
Go ahead, you guys, get that out of your systems. Then with your hostility thus vented, you can speak civilly to the rest of us. (My apologies to those in this topic who already can–and do.
“If you drive an automobile, please drive carefully–because I walk in my sleep.”–Victor Borge
I wouldn’t piss on C#3’s ashes, simply to avoid bringing the honor of color to his remains.
That was fun.
Again, we’re back to C#3! He isn’t the only one here! What about ARG220? What about Brihael? Jesum Crow, people! C#3 isn’t the only game in town! What about that little shit, jjtm, who tried to steal my thunder with his/her own thread?
Man, I was counting on you folks for some major flames and all I’m getting is sunshine blown up C#3s skirt! Is this a love feast or a flame out war?
Fine, I’m just gonna pull the Heatherlee and take my toys and go home!
(Stomps off, slamming the door behind her)
The moon looks on many flowers, the flowers on but one moon.
Byzantine,
I guess that I’m just better at touching those sacred places in people’s psyche’s…
If it makes you feel any better though, I’ll offer up my wife to kick your ass…
…there…am I on the right track? Or should I be making a more concerted effort to piss you off? Write back. Tell me how I can help.
Contestant #3
Your wife to kick my ass? What are you, a massive pussy? Hey, yeah I’m an amazon and all (for you newbies I’m 5’9" at 190 able to bench 130#) but I really didn’t think C#3 would pass me off into a physical fight with HIS WIFE!
Jesus! My stars! You must be a whiny little turd in the toilet of life! Man, you expect your wife to fight me FOR you? You weak sister! What, does she pretend your penis is real too? Shit, my man, take off your supposed kid gloves and come after me yourself, you looser!
I know what you’re really afraid of, you are worried that once I knock you down, straddle your skinny little hips, you’ll do anything to satisfy me… yeah, you’re right, you will… I’ll make you. And make your wife cream too…
Wait, what was the question?
My parents were real strict about me not hitting my sisters or any other girls for that matter and I just don’t know that I could force myself to hit a girl to this day.
My wife on the other hand is a feisty little bitch at 5’7" and 135 lbs. She doesn’t bench press, but she makes up for it with sheer will. She’d be happy to knock you on your fat ass on my behalf.
For someone that made a big deal about spelling in the “Oh fuck you” thread, how big of a loser are YOU to spell loser “looser”?
Contestant #3
Jesum Crow, so I GIVE you a cheap shot, you should get down on your knees and thank me! And my FAT ass? I don’t know what planet you are on but believe me, sugar, I’m not fat! Nice rippling slabs of muscle here, lover! Yeah, you sound like one of those guys that expects every woman to be about 30# underweight just so you can shove her around!
Kinda scary for you when you run into one your own size, huh? Can’t hit a GIRL well then, sugar, we don’t have a problem as I’m a WOMAN… big, strong, vital! Could stomp your little girl-wife into the ground with my heel… you too for that matter!
Good, God, I really hope you and everyone else knows we’re just joking, right? Man, I’d hate for people to think I was some kind of bully… it’s one thing to joke but quite another for someone out there to take this shit seriously!
The moon looks on many flowers, the flowers on but one moon.