James Brown wants me to get on up like a sex machine, but he is pretty vague when it comes to the details.
I would like to comply. Can any Dopers provide more detailed instruction?
I understand the importance of staying on the scene. It seems, also, that I am meant to shake my arm and use my form in some way. Once I’ve gotten up in proper sex machine form it seems I am supposed to take it to the bridge. Which bridge? How do I get there?
Any help would be appreciated.
If you don’t know, then no amount of teaching will help.
You either got it or you ain’t got it. And if you can’t get on up, then you ain’t got it.
Jeez. Can’t even find the bridge.
Listen, pal, you don’t need to hit it. Just quit it.
I would elaborate out of sheer human compassion – but this is kinda a ‘black’ thang. Sorry.
Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh!
I think one of the prerequisites is to shake your groove thang.
Then you need to get down and boogie.
Don’t forget to do some jive talkin’
By this time you’re about ready to cut the cake and from then on it, it’s fly, robin, fly. Before you’re done, you’re partner will be asking for more, more, more.
Maybe I’m wrong, as it’s been a while since I listened to this, but I thought you what were supposed to do “like a sex machine” was “stay on the scene,” not “get on up”. I’d like to think that this would clarify things, but that doesn’t seem to be the case.
In seriousness, I believe “the bridge” refers to the bridge of the song, not a physical bridge. One may take that exchange as a sidebar to one of the musicians, and not an instruction to would-be sex machines.
I was ordered by the radio at the deli the other day to boogie-oogie-oogie till I just couldn’t boogie no more.
Some quick mental calculations led me to conclude that would take approximately two and a half minutes, tops.
“The bridge” does refer to the bridge of the song.
But if you’re engaging in SLMOP (Standard Love Machine Operating Procedure), you should be able to take it to the bridge.
Because honestly, if you break down or overheat BEFORE the bridge, then you’re a pretty shoddily-constructed machine and you should be returned to the manufacturer.
James Brown’s work, much like that of many great writers, should not be looked at in simple pieces. Much as Steven King has woven many of his stories together into The Dark Tower, James Brown’s instructions on the proper way to “Get on Up” need to be gathered from all of his most influential work. From his “first” LP, Please, Please, Please, James Brown has given all of us, less funky selves, instructions.
First, it is important to ask permission. I think this is darn good advice that one should always ask Please, Please, Please before “Getting On Up.”
Second, if you are having trouble getting said permission or are simply too nervous, James recommends that you Try Him. James is more than willing to give himself to his fans to ensure that “Getting On Up” is done properly and safely at all times.
Third, comes the mental preparation. Before one can “Get On Up” like a sex machine, one must be completely mentally focused on the task at hand. This requires one to THINK. Every aspect of “Getting On Up” must be thought through.
Fourth, you must communicate with your fellow “Get on Up” people. While “Getting On Up” may be able to be done alone, under the right circumstances, it is always important to fully communicate with your partners before completing. If you are fortunate enough to be with James, you must Tell Him What You’re Gonna Do.
Fifth, James recommends you follow his lead. Much like Jane Fonda’s workout tapes, or Tae Bo, James Brown gave a live performance that one can emulate. Check out Live at the Apollo for more instructions. Although, I must tell you, that is only for experienced "Get On Up"pers, and should never, ever be attempted by a novice.
Sixth, until you have mastered “Getting On Up” do not attempt to do it in public. Many states have outlawed “Getting On Up”, especially like a sex machine, so, until you have attained the 9th level of “Getting On Up”, it must always be done out of Sight
Seventh, while “Getting On Up” is a physically taxing job (you should definitely break into a Cold Sweat) it also involves a revolution of the mind. One must enter a near-trance state, nigh to Nirvana, before completing “Getting on Up.”
Eighth, apparently to properly “Get On Up” one must envision their lower extremities are on fire. A severe case of Hot Pants is a fantastic image to keep in your mind while “Getting On Up”. Once you can keep the image of having your pants on fire, the resulting gyrations and leg movements will have you well on your way to “Get On Up”
Ninth, and here is where many novices have problems: you should favor one leg over the other. Although most people are right leg dominant, you should always favor your strongest leg area. Once you are in the midst of “Getting On Up” always remember to Get on Your Good Foot
That is a fair introduction to novices to the proper way to “Get On Up” as given by the master himself, James Brown. However, James is not content to teach only us remedial students in the funk, he offers much more advice for the Intermediate and Expert “Sex Machines”. He indicates that, even at the height of frenzied “Get On Up”, you must remain based in Reality. If your “Get on Up” gets too intense, though, you must always be aware, so that you do not end up Doing It To Death and wind up Dead On The Heavy Funk. In addition, “Getting On Up” for experts may involve a Spank or two, and you may need to Get Up Offa That Thing.
I am sure that there are innumerable more instructions, hints, and tricks that James has left us with through his long and illustrious career. But I hope this little bit of information will help you, and any other Doper, enjoy a long, energetic, and safe “Get On Up”.
This is precisely correct. I don’t know how many arguments I’ve had with people about this very distinction. Getting on up is certainly a prerequisite for staying on the scene, but is how one becomes a sex machine. The process for achieving that state is clearly indicated in the lyrics:
Whether that’s a 1099 or a Schedule D is anyone’s guess.
You will note that in line 5, we are instructed to “do the hokey pokey,” and yet the rest of the instructions are, presumably, directions on doing the hokey pokey. If we knew how to do the hokey pokey in the first place, we would not need the “right hand in, right hand out” directions.
It’s all all too confusing.
As long as you remember to
you’ll be OK.
This portion of the song once again points out that ‘get(ting) on up’ is not the requisite for being a sex machine, although it could be argued that if one never got up, one could not become the aforementioned copulating automaton, the Kama Sutra notwithstanding.
The complete quote (and I would admonish you to include ALL the words in the future) should have read:
Emphasis mine.
What, no talk of getting your mojo working?
Where is that confounded bridge?
Problem is, it just don’t work on some people.
Wait, I thought we were supposed to get down, get down. Now you’re telling us to get on up? Well, which is it?
Neither. You’re supposed to let your backbone slip.
LOL. Hamlet, that was funny as hell. Doubly so when you play the relevant song snippets on Winamp while reading it. Bravo!
You know, it’s the one to Funky Town.