Sooo I’m 33 weeks pregnant (that’s about 8 months for those of you who don’t feel like doing the math) and my life has been freaking AWFUL lately, and I’m pretty sure it’s my own fault. Or my baby’s fault, whichever way you want to look at it. But anyway…
You know that movie “500 Days of Summer”? I used to be like that Summer chick in the movie (…probably not as pretty, though), in that I was dismissive of emotions and just wanted to be carefree and have FUN. And for the first six months of my pregnancy, I was pretty awesome and happy and easygoing all the time. My SO and I have gotten our own place, and things were going very smoothly for awhile…
But lately… my emotions are like raging tempests. The smallest things will send me over the edge into a world where I’m so angry or sad or bitchy that my body literally SHAKES with the feelings. I don’t talk to him when I get like this – I don’t want to yell, or say something that I don’t mean – but of course he can tell. And he asks me why I’m so cranky. Which just serves to color my vision with red fog. And in turn he stops talking to ME, which makes me cry.
I mean, I’ve heard about pregnancy hormones and how they make you crazy, but… I never imagined it would get this bad.
So, anybody have some tips or tricks that I can use to help myself calm down? Taking a deep breath and counting to ten doesn’t help. I try to rationalize with myself, and it works, but only hours later, after he’s already left for work, or gone to bed.
Man, I really want some ice cream. OH! I have Mint Chocolate Chip in the fridge! Sc0re!!!
Oh boy, you think things are bad now, wait for days 2 through 10 after the baby is born. Sweetie, right now the lid on your jar of crazy has just been loosened. Having that baby is going to crack it wiiiiiide open.
All you can do is keep telling yourself and your SO that this isn’t forever. Your SO needs to know that you don’t know why you’re like this, you just are, and all you need is to be held and have your back patted and be told that yes, everything is all right.
I was living for several months with a married couple who already had one small child and the mom was pregnant with the second one. At least weekly toward the end of the pregnancy, she would pack a bag and try to leave the house because her husband didn’t say exactly the right thing to her. Crying on a daily basis. etc. In retrospect it’s kinda funny, but she was totally serious about it at the time. They got along very well again after the baby was born… it’s just a phase to endure as best as both of you can, and try not to take yourself so seriously. Even if you feel seriously offended or put out in the moment by your SO’s words/reactions, you will probably look back with chagrin in a couple months at how strangely you reacted.
Give your SO an advance apology, but there’s nothing you can do about it except to have the baby! Someone here should (I hope) have a link to some online resources for expecting fathers and how to deal with the situation. I’ve never been prego, so I don’t have any of those kinds of links handy, nor have I felt the way you feel, but I can definitely sympathize.
I only got three or four days like this during my pregnancy, and it was always triggered by something very specific and unrelated to my husband, so this may not work for you, but: walk. Long walks. The second you feel yourself building towards BOOM, say, ‘I’m pissed off, see you when I’m not any more,’ and go. Again, it might not work for you, but after an hour of walking I’m always human again.
Don’t forget your coat. Once I ended up heading out into a rainstorm with no coat (WAY too furious to bother), about eight months pregnant, and my husband came after me with my coat, which totally blew the whole purpose of not inflicting my mood on him.
Weirdly enough, I am more emotionally stable at 32 weeks pregnant than I have been in years. If anything, I’m a little emotionally depressed: not sad or blue, just with the edge taken off my emotional response. I do have the occasional hormonal moment, but they pass pretty quickly.
Oh my, how I wish I could just walk out of my apartment and blow off some steam! …However… Where I live, even with fall fast approaching, every day the temperature gets up to a hundred degrees with +++humidity. Top it off with the fact that my apartment is on the third floor and it makes me tired just walking DOWN the stairs anymore… sigh. Walks aren’t going to happen for me!
I usually tell my SO that I’m sorry for getting so worked up… And I thank him for taking care of me, and still loving me even though I’m fatter than ever before. But I dunno, I don’t feel like saying those things is really enough to make up for how bitchy I’ve been =/
It’s good that you’re trying to control it a little (they don’t say that “pregnant women get crazy” for nothing) but it’s really up to your SO to do the counting to ten, etc. His constant concern, listening (letting you get it out), rubbing your achy back & stuff are part of what you need right now.
I would say it takes about two years to have a baby. The 9 month gestation period & then the months afterward as you AND the baby get used to this adjusted world you’re in…
One time my baby was crying in his crib (not hard, just crying) after being fed, changed, rocked…& I realized that a breeze was blowing thru the window against his partially clothed skin. And he had never FELT that before…&, being a little scary, he had to get used to it.
You’re both going to be that way for awhile. And you’re life is going to be different. Not as carefree, but richer.
Remember that these hormonal changes have a purpose or we women wouldn’t experience them. Most everything in life can be traced back to a core need for survival so whatever these “personality stretches” are for, it’s a safe bet that Nature is just putting you thru the paces necessary for motherhood.
So when you’re calling your SO an unempethetic bastard & such, in the same breath say Sorry & then continue…
You’re just getting your groove on.