Product liability suit

A while back I saw a portable clothes steamer with a warning label saying, “Do not use on clothes while wearing them”. I think it was very considerate of them to have this warning or I might have hurt myself. Unfortunately, I recently was not so lucky with another appliance. I had the fireplace going, and absent-mindedly left the poker with the tip in the fire. A short time later I decided I was in need of gratification, and inserted the poker into my rectum, terribly hurting myself. I think the poker should have had a warning label saying “Do not shove up ass while red hot”. Do you think I have grounds for a successfull liability suit?

Umm nope but I think you have grounds for commitment to a good mental hospital.


We are, each of us angels with only one wing,and we can only fly by embracing one another

Yes, actually. If you can’t know COFFEE is supposed to be hot then how are you supposed to know FIRE is hot, or a poker inserted into that fire?


I sold my soul to Satan for a dollar. I got it in the mail.

I laughed my ass off.

I have no compassion whatsoever. :smiley:


Some drink at the fountain of knowledge…others just gargle.

I used to work in a music store warehouse. Many of the instruments were shipped with a little packet of silica gel, which absorbs excess moisture in the case, keeping the instruments from warping in humid weather. The packets have “do not eat” printed on them. One day I asked my supervisor why. “Ross,” sez I, “How come the little packet of silica gel have ‘do not eat’ printed on them. It would never even occur to me to eat silica gel if the packets didn’t have that printed on them.” Ross looked at me and said, “When you see something like that printed on a package of something you shouldn’t eat you know… somebody got a letter.”


The trouble with Sir Launcelot is by the time he comes riding up, you’ve already married King Arthur.

No, but if you want to use this method to murder the king of England, there’s historical precedent.

“East is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.” – Marx

Read “Sundials” in the new issue of Aboriginal Science Fiction. www.sff.net/people/rothman

Oooh! I HATE it when that happens!

The least you could do is send a letter so they can put a warning on all fire pokers…or for that matter all items stating do not shove in body openings


“Do or do not, there is no try” - Yoda

You may have grounds for a lawsuit against the person who made you laugh. Especially if you have a desk job, or if you’re in some profession where an ass is required. The emotional distress that has rendered you compassionless may qualify for additional restitution.

Live a Lush Life
Da Chef