I worked a couple of Mother’s Day Sundays at the grocery store pharmacy, and I would get wished “Happy Mother’s Day.” I replied, “I don’t have kids, but thanks anyway.” Several people told me, “Good; stay that way.”
I was about to say count me in on the surprise that somebody would wish a woman stranger a happy Mother’s Day, but then I remembered it happened to me exactly once with Father’s Day. I did happen to be a father, but I found it absolutely weird that someone would assume. I wasn’t wearing a “Best Dad Ever” t-shirt or have my kids with me or anything. And even if I saw a guy with kids, I wouldn’t assume he’s the father, either. Could be an uncle or trusted friend.
I quit counting after nine or ten tonight. And that’s on Saturday before M Day.
I just smile politely, and reciprocate to women (“.. and a happy Mothers Day to YOU!” … which feels vaguely like being in a Catholic Mass - “and also with you”) since I understand that it’s a kind sentiment offered from a good place.
If the non-moms being told Happy Mothers Day pushed back, a few people might start getting the hint. No one else is going to have a reason to clue them in.
Wow, people do that? I only ever say it to my own Mother. Not to my sisters (one of whom is now a Grandmother) nor to colleagues, so definitely not to strangers. What an odd thing to do.
Oh yes, they do, especially to women of a certain age. I’m almost 65, and the assumption mostly is that I have kids and grandkids. I don’t, and definitely by choice.
My own mother is long gone, and since she hated Mothers’ Day it’s never really been on my radar. The only slap in the face with it came when we had her memorial service several months after her death. Turns out is was on Mothers’ Day weekend, and the chipper young hotel staffer that was guiding my sister and me to the banquet room we rented said something cheery about “having a big Mothers’ Day celebration.” Poor guy was very embarrassed when we told him what the event actually was.
Now I just smile and say thanks, and think of the furry herd at home that is my family.
Pushing back will have one of two effects - either you’ll eventually upset some entitled customer who will put their minor embarrassment/hurt feelings above any discomfort they cause another human being and complain about how “negative” the employee is, thereby causing the corporation to chastise the employee for showing their actual feelings to a customer instead of the mandated Happy Chirpy Facade…
– or –
Management will note the employee’s distress and tell the employee if they can’t hold their shit together and maintain the Happy Chirpy Facade to ask for the day off. Maybe the employee will get the day off… or maybe they won’t and they’ll still get chastised for lack of Happy Chirpy Facade.
Which is why working retail can suck sometimes.
My current plan is just a few more years and then I retire. Some friends and I are literally planning to run away and live in the woods.
As I said way upthread, I agree people ought not be wishing random women Happy Mothers’ day on the assumption that any woman old enough to possibly have had kids did so. And feels good about that and about their own mother.
OTOH, I suspect the opposite sentiment can be taken too far. …
My late first wife and I never had kids. And yes, she did the “grin and bear it” when the inevitable Happy Mothers’ Day greeting came her way.
My second, now ex-, wife had kids. And has a happy healthy relationship with them now as adults. So a few months after we got married Mother’s Day rolled around and I wished my wife a happy Mother’s Day.
That was utterly unacceptable. The one and only way Mother’s Day works is you honor your own mother. Mine being then dead 20 years, I was to honor no one. Not ever my Mother-in-law. She herself could honor her Mother, my MIL; I could not. Her own daughter, who was a mother, could honor her, but my wife could not honor the reality of her own daughter’s motherhood. That would be Doing It Wrong.
So many reasons we are no longer married. I know I’m vastly happier without her.
I genuinely hope she is having whatever manner of life makes her happy. But decent bet that somebody somewhere today will wish her a happy Mothers’ Day and piss her off. And as petty as that sounds, that gives me a smidgen of satisfaction. And a lot of head-shaking.
Yikes, that’s a whole lot of crazy. Was a husband permitted to wish Happy Mothers day to his wife/mother of their children? I just sent a mothers day text to my ex-wife as I’ve been doing every year, and she always seems to appreciate it.
OTOH …
I do know that my current GF also has two happy adult kids with good relationships amongst all of them.
It took some work to find Mother’s Day cards that weren’t for a wife or one’s own Mom. But I found two that were relationship neutral and celebrated the fact of motherhood and all the good things that job well done represents. GF got one yesterday and one today. And was made very happy by both.
Tonight her one adult kid who still lives here in the same city is taking her to fancy dinner to celebrate. Along with her ex-husband who’ll pay respects to what a great job she did in the Mom role.
Those two vignettes seem a much more sane way to approach the holiday and the sometimes conflicting sentiments it engenders.
Agree! That sounds like the way to do it. My own mom’s been gone for a smidge over 20 years, so I totatlly forget about the day. On my walk this morning I saw a group of adults walking together not exercising not walking dogs. Until I saw the guy holding the bouquet. That’s when it clicked.
When I had dogs, I personally never minded being called a dog mom. In many ways, having a companion animal is like having a perpetual baby.
Oh, and a couple of years ago, online vendors started asking if I wanted to be left off any Mothers/Fathers Day email promotions. Nice to be asked.
I don’t mind being called a cat or dog mom in some contexts. And some of my family members will refer to a cat or dog as being a grandcat, or whatever. But as a response to someone saying they have no children, when you’re not damn sure they’re happy about that? That’s massively rude.
I mean, really, what’s the message there - that being childless is such a scandalous/embarrassing/shameful thing that it must be somehow covered up? Either by outright fiction, substitution (you’re a dogmom!), or some other contortion?
Another fun one, since this thread is still active: being told “Happy Mother’s Day” by a man. I am nobody’s mother, so “thank you” seems disingenuous … but with a dude, I can’t even say, “Thanks, you too!” the way you can with, for example, “Happy Thanksgiving!” or some such.
At our church on Mother’s Day Sunday, we have a tradition where upon walking in, everyone gets a small rose pinned to their chest - red if your mother is still alive, and as white as a skeleton if she’s dead.
I can’t imagine what the latter must feel like, especially if it’s your first Mother’s Day without her.