I don’t have a recent bikini pic, but I do have a fairly recent picture of me in a sexy black bra. It was my friend’s bachelorette party. We had 8 women (they’re all in their bras, too) and a guy as designated driver to drive us around in a van. My official responsibility that evening was to Promote Drunken Misconduct, and though I don’t remember too much detail about that night, the pictures show that I did an exceptional job.
Maybe Bumbazine has a position for me 
earthpuppy (portfolio upon request)
Oh Scout, don’t sob. I don’t love you for your thighs. I love you for your boobs. I mean your mind! Yeah, it’s your mind I love! And I respect you as a person. But if you need more thigh checking, I volunteer. No string attached. Unless you like that sort of thing.
Kalley, dressing up farm animal stauary, while it doesn’t technically count against you, isn’t really a selling point. I’m not being critiacl, I’m just saying is all.
Pictures of eight wimmins in brassiers., just for the asking. And as a special bonus one is earthpup? Umm… yes please. (My e-mail is that little button right down there that says “email”.)
What the… “critiacl”? Even I should catch a manglation like that. “Critical”, as in: being a critic.
Just checking, but does anyone else have brassier pictures. No wait… I meant a Christmas Wish List. Asking for pics randomly like that can be risky.
sigh I guess since there are no wimmin in bras, bikinis or anything else around my place, I’m outta the running for my own personal Rue. Although my own personal Rue would also have access to a privacy fenced backyard to run around doing whatever in, which includes a pool, a hot tub, a grill, a smoker, an outside bar (with electricity) so blender drinks can be made without leaving the pool area and as an added bonus, since it’s a privacy fenced backyard, my own personal Rue wouldn’t even have to go inside to wee. There’s a wonderful wee area right beside the storage buildings. Sometimes ants build an ant mound there and my own personal Rue would get to wee on the ants and watch em run! Plus, the concrete pig would look good in the pool area and gargoyles could be mounted on the fence to peer down at the pool. But wait, there’s more! Pink flamingoes could also adorn the pool area as well as my obscene frog (his weewee has a stiffie).
-swampbear (awaiting the response on his latest offer)
Dang, swampy, I’m tempted by the hot tub and the pool and the outside bar and all that… but I absolutely hate housework, so unless you want to consider me to be your own persoanl performance art, I guess I’ll just have to forget it.
But wait, how cool would that be? Invite all your friends over to experience your own personal performance art! Watch the artiste (that would be me) spin up a strawberry daquiri, then loll in the hot tub, sipping its strawberry goodness. Become one with the artiste (still me) on a recliner beside the pool. Observe breathlessly and expectantly as the artiste (yep, that’s right) strolls about the yard, pausing to watch a bird in flight or bending to inhale the fragrance of a summer bloom. (Or Orlando Bloom, if I get lucky)
Whaddya think, swampy? Would your friends be impressed that you became a patron of the arts? Would that make up for not having your own personal Rue?
FCM could we pose you amongst the pink flamingoes, concrete pigs and gargoyles? That might put ya in the running.
Well. swampy makes a strong comeback.
If he doesn’t end up getting his own personal Rue, maybe he’d like his own personal scout. Of course, with the performance art installation, there might not be enough room poolside.
Dangit!
Pose? C’mon, I’m a dynamic performance artiste. I must move! I must interact! I must have my daquiris and hot tub sessions.
Oh, the life of a misunderstood artiste… <insert posture of woe here>
Ya know, what I really need is burly men bearing bear and cookies pool and hot tub side. If I had that, then who’d care how the rest of the place looked?
err… beer and cookies. course if said burly men want to bear me, then who am I to object. 
I would like my own personal Rue while I become swampy’s’ own personal Kallessa. Not only would swampy get the cleaning, cooking laundry and ironing he wants, he’d get his own personal lawyer (albeit one with a rather specialized practice), and I’d get to lounge around the pool and hot tub, etc. (you can practice law anywhere you have a laptop).
What, you may ask, is the benefit to Rue or swampbear to have you in the middle of this transaction? Middlemen are an American tradition, I reply, protecting both ends of the transaction with nary a trace of self-interest. What if swampy’s place requires more cleaning than Rue anticipates? Left on his own, he is powerless. But with a middleman–ah ha! Renegotiation is a snap. And swampy may be dissatisfied by Rue’s effort, thinking he spends too much time lounging and not enough ironing. Without a middleman, swampy would have the embarassing task of having to chastise Rue directly. But add me into the equation, and swampy need only drop me a hint, and I shall take it up with Rue, thus preserving the swampy-Rue relationship. I tell you, a middleman is exactly what this deal needs, and I am selflessly offering my services.
I also promise to leave to burly men bearing beer and cookies alone.
So, Kallessa, is that how middle management was born??
Kallessa an interesting proposition there. However, as there is only one spare bedroom, you, my own personal Kallessa would have to share it with your own personal Rue. The other bedroom is my computer room and while it does contain a futon, the futon is my own personal napping futon, so it can’t become my own personal Kallessa’s room. Also, would my own personal Kallessa require a DSL connection poolside? I think that could be done.
As long as it is understand I have sole possession of all burly men bearing cookies and beer, then this may be a workable deal.
-swampbear (who may need a bigger place what with personal Rues, Kallessas and burley men bearing beer and cookies all over the place)
I’m willing to share a room with my own personal Rue, but I get first shot at the closets.
swampy, of course you have sole possession of burly men bearing beer and cookies, but can I have the brawny men bearing champagne and chocolate?
Kallessa as a negotiating point you could have brawny men bearing champagne and chocolate. However, we should have designated areas, else we’d have burly and brawny men falling all over each other and we both know how Rue would bitch about having to clean up the mess. Therefore, I propose that you have the west end of the pool down by the swing and I’ll take the east area down by the bar. Of course we would each be given swing and bar privileges. Agreed?
Agreed. Have your people call my people to draw up the papers.
Oh wait, I am your people.
In that case–forget the paperwork–let the burly and brawny men begin!
So, um, yeah. They got that thing worked out.
:: scans the thread ::
lightingtool, do YOU need an unemployed adult female?
I’m still looking for a gig. And quite honestly, you’re in the general neighborhood.
I don’t know what hurts more, Swampy and his “and we both know how Rue would bitch about having to clean up the mess” crack or how Kallessa (Did you notice the whole name? That’s how hurt I am.) just threw me aside after taking first crack at the closets for “brawny men bearing champagne and chocolate”. Not that I need much closet space, but just being ignored out of hand… I think that hurts more because , honestly, Swampy’s right, I would bitch.
And Scout… took herself right out of the running for her own Personal Rue. It’s not like I was going to hold out for the bikini, it was just a perk for me. I think her natural charms could have really tipped the scales in her favor, even over the hot tub and pool. BUt she just gave up. Now I know how much she thinks of me…
But I have new shoes. As of yesterday. And that makes me happy.
-Rue. (well shod)
P.S. earthpuppy? Pictures? I’m still waiting. Unless you’re just a tease…
Hey! I have new shoes too! Two new pairs, and I’m wearing one today!
I always knew you and I connected on a deep, spiritual level, Rue! You are and always will be my own personal Rue!