After much contemplation, I came to the conclusion that it probably would not be in my best interest to send you those pictures, Rue. I do not have an executed Release from the other scantily clad wimmins, which could lead to a nasty lawsuit, nor can I take the chance that the photo of me in lingerie would end up on the Internet for ALL to see (not that it’s a bad picture–morally or photogenically).
Not to mention the backlash you may suffer at the hands of The Little Woman when she finds that these “friends” of yours on the board are sending you risque photographs! I would hate to be the cause of domestic tumult in the Happy DeDay Home.
So in light of all these issues, I regretfully withdraw my offer of pics on request. I realize that it blows any chance of me being a “Rue Girl,” a lifelong aspiration of mine. So I’ll just continue to sit here wishing that I could capture your attention (kinda like swooning over a teen idol in a Seventeen magazine). Please forgive me, I never meant to be a “tease.”
earthpuppy. (disappointed, downtrodden, and depressed)
I guess I’ll just have to love you Platonically for your mind and stuff. It’s OK. I really didn’t want to ogle your scantiliness anyway. I just said that for your benefit. Really. It was just for you.
Now that some of the dust has settled, allow me to throw my hat in the ring.
First, I’d like to point out how casually both Swampy and Kallessa were about offering your services. Now, I don’t think they meant to be cavalier, but I don’t think they had your needs at the forefront of their minds (they were thinking about large men with alcohol. Who wouldn’t be distracted?). I would like to propose that instead of being at the beck and call of anyone but FairyChatMom (because I know that not only does she get first shot, being a Special Friend, she wouldn’t abuse the privilege. Too much.;)), you should have your own personal Doper to help you through your busy days and free you up to compose and write the MMPs.
I would humbly like to suggest myself for that position. Allow me to list some of my qualifications here. I can send my full resume and references upon request.
I am the oldest of 5 girls, and was a professional nanny/housekeeper for over ten years, before I moved into the corporate world. I can make a bottle with one hand with a baby on my hip, cook dinner while reading a story out loud and put together a mean PowerPoint presentation (not all at the same time, but close). I also know Excel.
However, I must warn you that, as a professional, I do intend to keep my clothes on. Unless it’s really warm. Did you just turn the heat up?
Thank you for considering my application, and I will wait breathlessly for your response.
We need to turn Swampy’s pad into our own little MMP Commune. Then we can all, you know, help each other out, as it were.
If that turns out just as Jake as I think it should, then maybe we could branch out and go for that “Dopers Island” idea that shows up around here now and again.
If that goes well then maybe we could send for spouses and progeny.
But no need to rush it.
Pssst… Winnie… you got the job. As soon as I get through “Hypnosis for Dummies” and have a little time alone with the Little Woman and a pocketwatch.
WintermuteKallessa and I were not all cavalier about Rue’s needs because we were just thinking about large men with alcohol. drool HUMPH! Chocolate and cookies were involved too.
KallessaRue wants everybody at my house now. It’s gonna take a lot of work to figure out who is whose on personal who with that going on. Just remember, I get the burly men bearing beer and cookies and you get the brawny men bearing champagne and chocolate. Don’t know about you but I am adamant about sole possession of the burly men. Maybe you should get a list of who’s showing up and who wants to be whose who so we can get it all legalized proper.
Well, it sounds tempting, but my girlfriend is about to be laid off, so I think the position is taken. Let me go check with her.
::sound of lightingtool getting hit over the head with a frying pan::
Um, no, I think I’m all set. Thanks for the offer though. (ouch)
On a not so dangerous note, I would love to go check out swampy’s place. I’ll even tend bar! And to add some confusion to the party, I’ll bring beer and chocolate, but no cookies and no champagne.
Well, as much as I would like to be associated with paper towels, I’m going to have to go with burly. Although I am wearing a flannel shirt that looks like the Brawny man’s.
Fun Brawny Man Facts (from brawnyman.com):
-He never had an ax to grind: This lumberjack may have looked like he was carrying an ax in the 1970s but, in fact, he carried a peavey, a wooden lever used by lumbermen to handle logs.
-He’s as strong as he is sensitive: 40 percent of women who created their “virtual Brawny Man” online in 2002 say their ideal Brawny Man spends his free time helping around the house.
-His birthday is October 2. He will turn 30 in 2004.
-(Not from brawnyman.com) The word “brawny” looks really strange after you type it 5 times.
Well, that was fun. Here’s hoping I don’t get fired for going to brawnyman.com from my work computer!
Rue, darlin’, you know I wouldn’t leave you with inadequate closet space, I’m just picky about what side of the closet my stuff goes on. And as for the brawny men bearing champagne and chocolate–well, I’m sharing the spare bedroom with you, aren’t I? (In a purely platonic way, of course, mindful ofThe Little Woman) As for Wintermute’s offer, well, I have no problem with my own personal Rue having his own persona Wintermute, although she does have to find her own closet space.
Better yet, I’ll endorse the “Doper Commune” idea. I mean, like, wow, the cosmos is like telling us to all come together and like, I think it would be really groovy and really put us in touch with the inner workings of the universe. I mean, wow, I really feel connected to you guys right now and hey, living together would be like, really, really cool and the energy would be like, out of this world man, I mean, wow, I can feel us moving to a higher level just thinking about it and once we’re all together, like we could bring world peace or end hunger, I mean, like, there are no limits really, you know. And there’s a pool. Cool
I dunno - a commune sounds too retro. And primitive. I think we deserve a Doper Luxury Resort with hot and cold running room service, assorted scantily-clad eye candy, and other stuff.
Best thing is, all rooms will have a view, and none of them will overlook the parking lot.
Now, isn’t that better than a scruffy old commune?
Hey! The commune is at Swampy’s house, so watch the “scruffy” talk.
Oh wait, the commune is at Swampy’s house. Never mind.
But what will the rooms have a view of? I don’t want to get stuck with a crummy view. Like the view of the back of the Museum of String of anything. I want a good view. (I could say something like “A view of earthpup’s window”, but since we have that Platonic relationship and all I won’t. I won’t even think it. I’ll just respect her as a person.)
Rue the view from the guest bedroom is the front yard. It ain’t that much to look at but the neighbor across the street keeps a neat lawn so you’d be able to see that. And I do look kinda scruffy in the morning.
lightingtool burly works for me!
fcm although it is lovely, my home would hardly qualify as a resort. That is, outside of a pool and hot tub. Where would said Doper resort be located in your imagination?
Kallessa, like wow. Like right now I’m doing my part to end world hunger. I’m eating crackers!
I think a proper Doper resort would have to have mountains and a nice beach and gardens and enough hot tubs for everyone. Maybe a tropical island? Maybe I just want tropical because I had to scrape #$(^@#_*%@(** ice off my windshield this morning?
My choice for location is “anywhere but here” - or maybe “anywhere but here that’s warm and sunny and nice” so our scantily clad eye candy will be comfortable being scantily clad. And one of them needs to be bringing me a margarita right about now…
Obviously, I was too excited by Rue’s job offer to preview. Twice in one thread. That’s a new low for me.
Kallessa, I would argue the closet space issue, but I suspect that being Rue’s Own Personal Doper ™ doesn’t involve wearing very many clothes. And what I do end up wearing won’t be very large.
However, on Rue’s behalf, I propose that you can have first choice of closet space if he can have first shot at any drawer space(s). Does that sound fair, everyone?
Well, I certainly don’t want Rue to be rummaging around in my drawers!
Okay, nix the commune, go for the upscale resort. I like an island resort, because, although I yield to no one in my appreciation of scantily-clad eye-candy, I’m not much for the heat. In fact, I’m a wimp and anything much above 80 degrees makes me wilt. But on an island, you have that wonderful tropical breeze bringing sweet comfort on even the hottest of days. I like the idea of mountains as well. And a place to go sailing–maybe a string of islands to explore (with scantily-clad eye-candy).
Brawny, scantily-clad eye-candy bearing champagne and chocolate.
