I tend to find PDAs as amusing as loud farts in church are to an eight year old for pretty much the same reason. I will comment on technique in a Marlin Perkins voice if it is truly obnoxious, like on the train at rush hour.
OTOH, when we and a couple of our friends were newlyweds, we’d occassionaly try to out lovey-dovey each other. We didn’t do this when with large groups of people, but if it was just the four of out dancing or such.
I do remember when my wife and I first moved in together, the world existed only as a place for us to be with each other on. I guess there’s something different about the young/new love type PDA, and the ‘hey look at me with a girl/boy/human!’ PDA but hanged if I can define it. Place certainly matters, at an airport, as long as you’re not causing a traffic hazard, say hello or goodbye with whatever you need to, at the grocery store the full body deep tounge kiss is somewhat less acceptable.
Back to the OP, being a prude or not isn’t important, being comfortable with each other is. My wife and I have very different social awarenesses, we’ve used pre-arranged signals to let each other know what’s going on without bruising each other’s feelings, especially when we go to new places (let’s go, let’s stick together, let’s circulate seperately), neither of us is good at reading the other in large groups and we’ve gone places where both of us were staying, pretending to enjoy ourselves, because we thought the other one was having a blast, and we’ve left places early because we were sure that the other person was just trying to make us feel like we could stay.
PDAs are a matter of personal preference. You have one preference and your guy has another. Doesn’t make you a prude, doesn’t make him an exhibitionist. The two of you need to understand and respect each other’s feelings and figure out where the middle ground is.
How long have you been together?
On the darker side of the issue, this could be control issue with your BF, but there is not enough information for me to form an opinion on that. I will say that if you hadn’t mentioned your ages, I would have guessed the two of you were much younger. I usually find behavior like his to be a sign of youthful insecurity.
Yeah, my first thought was, you’re grocery shopping, why isn’t he engaged in the activity at hand? But yeah, something must be instigating the bubble in him (he loves how you pick out canned beans?) and he wants to express it. But I wouldn’t be into it either and I would want him to respect that without being hurt. It’s a tough one.
You are right and I was being awfully quick to post. Sometimes I get caught up in actually being able to an early poster to a thread (since this board has quite the large amount of activity).
Yes I’m a male in my 20s. I’ve said as much several times in the past.
No, I don’t think you’re a prude. I’m not a prude and I’ve never cared for PDA, either to view it or participate in it. In public I am perfectly willing to: hold my husband’s hand, link my elbow with his, hug him, ruffle his hair, and occasionally peck him very chastely below his ear, but that’s about it. I do think this is an issue where personal physical boundaries aren’t really the sort of thing that should be compromised on, but he does need to know you’re not ashamed of him, and maybe you guys can create a signal or agree to some behavior that will make him feel loved in a public way.
I agree with all of this. Like you, I don’t mind hand-holding or hugs or a peck on the cheek in most public places, but I don’t think that I can comfortably step outside of that physical boundary. As far as signals go, I don’t hold hands in public with anyone I don’t love, nor caress the knees of anyone I don’t care about. Just what sort of other signal are you talking about?
As others have observed upthread, going beyond this level seems designed to make other people uncomfortable, or to demonstrate some sort of possessiveness or insecurity. I’m not really sure that my boyfriend means for his behavior to be interpreted that way, but it’s hard not to feel a little uncomfortable wondering about that!
I’ll weigh in as a male in my early twenties- I don’t like PDAs, and I won’t participate in them. I dislike kissing in public, and I won’t do it, outside of a goodbye kiss for a separation that will last several weeks. I’m a little bit uncomfortable holding hands in public, too. In private around friends, I don’t mind holding hands and snuggling while watching a movie, and a goodbye kiss is probably OK, as long as it’s quick.
But that’s not to say that seeing PDAs bothers me. I don’t care about seeing couples smooch in public, and I don’t mind seeing handholding (except in a why-am-I-single-kind-of-a-way). I think what bothers me is the idea that someone else is watching me, not that I dislike seeing it and therefore think that I should stop.
But yeah, something must be instigating the bubble in him (he loves how you pick out canned beans?) and he wants to express it. But I wouldn’t be into it either and I would want him to respect that without being hurt. It’s a tough one.