Punchline Regularly Tossed Out Without the Jokes They Come From

There are all kinds of jokes that “everybody” already knows and has heard countless times, and assumes everybody else knows. And in certain circumstances, people regularly toss out punchlines that seem appropriate to the situation. Examples:

  1. When you’re given a task nobody else wants, you may hear, “Today is YOUR day in the barrel.”

  2. When you say, “We have a ton of work to do,” a lazy slacker is liable to snort, “What you mean WE, Kemo Sabe?”

  3. When things are looking grim, a would-be optimist may quip, “Well, there must be a pony here someplace.”
    What punchlines do you hear or use semi-regularly? You don’t have to share the joke(s), just the punchlines and (maybe) the context in which they’re used.

Any time someone asked how much something costs: “Twenty bucks, same as in town.”

When it appears that good fortune might strike, but something just isn’t right you might say " What the hell, two rolls no coffee!"


When things are a real mess…“This looks like a shit-house in distress”.

Not really a joke, but anytime you say something is $19.99, “but if you act now, we’ll send you TWO”.

Good Lord!! When I heard this joke 30 years ago, it was only 10 bucks!

Lady, this just ain’t your day.

If we adjust for inflation it’s now 40 bucks same as in town.

We say “But do they call me Seamus the architect?” fairly often, without the rest of the joke.

“… said the actress to the bishop.”

Monty Python is a rich source of these.

“Run away! Run away!”

“That’s no ordinary rabbit!”

“An African or a European swallow?”


Bof us?

Rectum? Damn near killed him!

She has huge…tracts of land.

I believe Siri refuses to answer the question “What’s the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow” question.

Who you callin “you people?”

I think we’ve slipped out of joke punch-lines and into movie punch-lines, so what the hell …

… whenever something at work gets troublesome, we usually comment, “Could be worse, could be raining.”

Third base!

Not the actual punchline, but you know how sometimes someone will tell you something, and they’re talking fast/excitedly, so there’s no pause for you to ask them what they’re going on about? So you end up hearing some long, confusing story that makes absolutely no sense to you? My usual reply to something like that is, "[a couple seconds of silence] …Who’s on first?

Or "Wait… who shot who in the what?"

References? I’m not familiar with them, and neither show up on Google in the form you quote them.