… A pig like this, you don’t eat all at once!
Every once in a while I’ll find myself humming: “Pardon me Roy, is that the cat that chewed your new shoes?”
Wrecked him? It damn near killed him!
That’s when I say “Sorry, Han. I didn’t make the jump to light speed.”
“That’s what she said.”
I must say, however, that of the examples in the OP, only #2 is familiar to me (and I get most of the other contributions).
“If I could walk THAT way I wouldn’t NEED the aftershave!”
“So I’ve got that going for me… which is nice”
Yeah, I’m batting 500 on these. And at my work, I’m the guy that throws out quotes that no one gets.
Man, I really need to market those StraightDopeGoggles*, with which you can instantly see all the Pop/Dork/Sub-Culture References, neatly listed in purple alongside the esoteric posts.
*("The SD Goggles. They Don’t Do Nothing"™)
I get it… pronoun trouble.
I always heard this said, “What mean WE, white man?”
When my cat is meowing at me for no reason: “Shut up shuttin’ up …”
You bastard! You let Mom die!
“Your grandmother is up on the roof.”
Get my brown pants!
No, Tonto. Posse!
“That’s Capricorn, is it?”
I always heard them as “What’s this we shit, White Man/Kemosabe?”
I heard this as No, Silver. Posse!
Might be different jokes.
No, you’re right. It was Silver, I misremembered. And I’m sure it’s the same joke. 
[Or When things are a real mess…"This looks…
Or
When things are a real mess…“This looks like a shit-house in distress”.
Forum: Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share (MPSIMS) 04-04-2013, 06:06 PM
Replies: 56
Punchline Regularly Tossed Out Without the Jokes They Come From
Views: 1,273
Posted By bot3
When it appears that good fortune might strike,…
When it appears that good fortune might strike, but something just isn’t right you might say " What the hell, two rolls no coffee!"]
These are old, very old. My Dad would use them very often. He was a truck driver for the commission houses that sold food to all the stores and restaurants back before stores had direct deliveries. He had a whole bunch of them that he and his co-workers used.
No, it’s really very simple… You stay here, and make sure he doesn’t leave.