Make up your own jokes, but the punchline has to be a song tittle or lyric with at least one letter changed (but still recognizable as the lyric.)
What was the name of the deleted scene from Dirty Dancing where the main character was gambling with the workers?
Dice, Dice, Baby.
Did you hear about the heavy metal cover singer that got kicked off America’s Got Talent?
He would do anything for love, but he won’t do Ratt.
That superhero movie is just terrible!
Thor: what is it good for?
I woulda had checkmate in two moves if you didn’t put your piece on that one square!
If you liked it then you should’ve put your king on it.
Did you hear about the beauty pageant winner who got a sex change?
Bye, Bye Miss. America’s Pie.
How’s your home improvement classes going?
She told me to caulk this way.
April 20, 2014, 4:11am
The surgeon needs to keep his hands sterile during the operation,
but this tainted glove you’ve given…
Why did you bother giving us that cake batter?
We’re not gonna bake it.
All right Mr. Gollum, if you don’t tell Detective Stabler and me exactly what you did between 9pm and 12 last night, you’re going down for the rape and murder of those two dead barefoot gay midgets.
Me drinks a whiskey drink, me drinks a vodka drink, me drinks a lager drink, me drinks a cider drink, then me pissing the night away.
Hey, that out-of-work actor you hired to carry the payment better be on his way…did the cartel guys say how they were gonna pay us?
Busey’s in the sky, with diamonds.
Wow this movie is awesome, what is it called again?
In case you didn’t know, this is called “The Crow.”
Alright, enough fooling around, be serious for one second and tell me what you want for your birthday, and I still can’t believe you want that crappy sweater.
Girl, you know it’s true…I love J. Crew.
That’s the best, most original dance move I’ve ever seen! What do you call it?
Jazz in my pants.
What’s the best way to eat goat cheese?
Put it on a Ritz.
How do you like the new shelves to store your Star Trek collectables?
All my Tribbles seem so far away.
“How long’s this sad-looking piece of fruit been sitting on this counter?” “I 'unno, couple weeks.”
(To the fruit): “You’re a sad banana with a…greasy black peel.”
So Jenny, why do you think your child developed autism?
“Vaccination, all I ever wanted…vaccination, time to get away…”
All right Mr. Gollum,…
Man this is bothering me, I gotta rewrite this:
“All right Mr. Gollum, if you don’t tell Detective Stabler and me exactly what you did between 9pm and 12 last night, you’re going down for the rape and murder of those two dead barefoot gay midget prostitutes.”
Me drinks a whiskey drink, me drinks a vodka drink, me drinks a lager drink, me drinks a cider drink…
“Yes, we pulled your ModorCard charges and saw that you were drinking heavily. We also have some witnesses who say you were jumping around and acting crazy.”
Me sings the songs that remindings me of the good times…
“Oh, karaoke was it? We’ll have to verify that. The bartender says you left at 11. Where did you go?”
ME PISSINGS! ME PISSINGS!
Did the Japanese throroughbred make it in time for the race at the Mardi Gras?
There is a horse in New Orleans; it’s called The Rising Sun.
A guy two steps away from reaching the top of Mt. Everest noticed his shoe heel was coming loose. He decided to go on, but the loose heel came off with the next step and he fell backward, rolling down the mountain.
Two other guys climbing up the mountain warched his roll past them. The first one asked “What was that all about?” The second one said
I don’t know, but I heard him singing “You picked a fine time to leave me, loose heel.”
What should you get if vampires, werewolves, zombies and other creatures of the night attack your tent?
You need the Mesh. You need the Monster Mesh.
Jackie Robinson’s wife was so particular about her food that she insisted it all be prepared in puree form for her.
A reporter once asked her “Too cool to chew Mrs. Robinson?”
ring Hey son, what happened? Calm down! What are those sirens?
Momma just killed the van.
Do we have any suspects in the mermaid’s dismemberment/murder?
Who’s that kid with an Ariel cookie?
How do they diagnose autism in India?
When they play a sitar just like they’re ringing a bell.
I heard one of the stars from Star Wars almost made the cast of Game of Thrones, but got injured on the set?
Hutt got cut in the butt.
Minnie? Why are all your bags packed? Why is Tommy Lee outside?
Oh Mickey, what a pity, you don’t understand…you can’t win my heart if you only use your hand.
What do river barge pilots sing while making deliveries from Duisburg to Dortmund?
“RUHR! What is it good for?”
I heard the Crips started playing classic PC games from the 90’s?
Me and my homies like to play this game, some call it Amtrak, some call it SimTrains.