“I want to gargle before Mary sticks her ass in there!”
Just as I was posting this one, thought of another
“50 cents and a candy bar!”
One of my dad’s (and he’s so respectable too!):
“Why Betty? Because she has Parkinson’s Disease.”
“Beige. I think I’ll paint the ceiling beige.”
and
“Bue booties.”
“I don’t think I could stand sixty-seven more of those!” In fact, one of the Police Squad shows or one of the Naked Gun movies has Frank Drebin going undercover as a stand-up comedian, and he starts off with the cheesy old “Sign said LAs Vegas Left, so I turned around and drove home” lines, and the audience slowly warms up, then they cut to another scene for a while, and come back to Drebin later in the night just as he utters this punchline (and of course all the conservative retirees in the audience are wetting themselves laughing).
There also used to be (maybe still is) “TWO DOGS” alcoholic lemonade. I seem to recall the promoters being quite open about the origin of the name (which suited their young male demographic).
“I’m Cherry Hill.”
“Block that kick! Block that kick!”
Oh… there’s one naughty punchline so famous that Richard Pryor made it the title of an album:
“And it’s deep, too.”
“Great! I’ll keep an eye out for you!”
The way I’ve heard that joke is, “alright, now where’s this virgin I’m supposed to kill?”
“…and the third condition is, you have to give a week to come up with the money.”
or, “Okay, where’s this Injun woman I’m supposed to wrassle?”
“Do you want three or four lanes?”
“So that men will talk to them”
“Next time let me take the pantyhose off.”
“Four years of college and he still can’t spell”
I love that joke! Even though it makes me feel really bad every time I tell it… 
“what do you mean, ‘wrong hole’?”
“Look, I agreed to the blow job but I’m not swallowing seamen.”
“Hey, Harry–grease the cat!”
“What the 'ell did you expect, mate–purple feathers?”
“Are you crazy? You might get pregnant!”
Also, it’s killing me that I have no idea what jokes these are.