“Well… I rang that doorbell, didn’t I?”
You only get laid once. . . . by your mother.
One more.
“I think your stance is too wide.”
“I’m not fucking with anyone who can drink that much beer!”
HA! That’s one of my favorites, that and the deliciously evil:
How do you think I feel? I have to walk out of here alone! :eek:
“So would I, Sir, but I don’t think there’s room in my ass for another baked potato!”
Now watch, because it’s the last time I’m going to show you.
“Just thought ya might wanna open yer beers first.”
“I don’t know if my ass can fit another one.”
“Oh, big enough to fit a camel.”
“I don’t know, but my ass hurts like hell!”
“Good! Now take the golf club out of your mouth and try it again.”
“Mine does!”
“Then all three of them tried to get into her at the same time and she split right up the middle.”
“My sin is that I’m a terrible gossip, and I can’t wait to get off this train!”
That’s the son of a bitch that ran over my frog!
Just teach it to cook, and then you can fuck off!
Little old lady: “I’ll give it a go young man, just as long as you don’t slap me around the way you did with that crocodile!”
“Jeez Padre, He must have seen you coming!”
“I bit her on the neck and she farted and flew out the window.”
“Harry Truman, 1945!!”
Tripler
It’s from a Wolfman Jack joke. . .
…and the gorilla looks long and hard at the just-sliced stick of salami on the bar…
and he puts his thumb and forefinger into a circle and puts it over his eye.
‘Don’t matter. Jus’ gonna be you and me there, anyway."
“Her son’s dick tastes different.”
“That’s good, because I was just coming upstairs to kill you.”
“Because we were discussing your Christmas bonus and my husband told me, 'Fuck him. Give him a dollar.”
Never heard that one. What’s the joke?
I warn you, this is crass. This is the tamest version I could find. :eek:
[Spoiler]A guy and a girl are having sex, and the girl says, “Don’t you think it was presumptuous of you to think you could sleep with me on the first date?”
The man replies, “Don’t you think ‘presumptuous’ is a big word for a second-grader?”[/Spoiler]
Sgt Schwartz
“The 2 guys holding down old Joe. He don’t go for that shit either”
“You didn’t see the rest of it: Little Rock, Arkansas, Grand National championship 1995!”
“I can do it, but you don’t have to poke me in the eye!”
“I think I may be able to save you 5 grand”
“I couldn’t stop. It was all in one long string”
“One slip of the tongue and you’re up to your neck in shit”
“You’re going to puke? Goddamn it! That’s what the last guy did!”
So he picked her up and threw her in the water & said “There! Now you’re fucked!”
Sarah: “Ajar”.
“Give him a biscuit and he’ll probably let you”