Well, then my husband’s a girl.
I’ll just quote Guinastasia:
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Sam Stone: Should Green Bean and her husband invite Blue Lips to the river trip? What if Blue Lips were to show up wearing some thin cotton thing? Should everyone just ignore it, because it’s “none of their business”? What if Blue Lips got hypothermia, and had to be rushed to the hospital? Wouldn’t her choice to dress improperly impact on everyone else on the trip? (I assume the trip would pretty much be over if one of the party got really sick like that.)
I’d also like to say, it’s hard to fathom (at first) why someone would willingly be miserable. (Like my friend with her huge blisters, caused by her choice in footwear.) Seeing someone in your party limp around and being miserable can cramp your style, and everyone else’s style. You are participating in some sort of social event, and you want to help anyone who you see is uncomfortable. Especially if you are the host/hostess, like Green Bean and her husband.
But, as many of us have said, if the passive-aggressive martyrr/attention hound doesn’t WANT help, then screw 'em. But do we lose respect for such people? Yes. Do we notice what they are up to? Yes. Do we find some irony when they later get REALLY sick because of their “attention hound” behavior? Yes. It’s hard not to.
Huh? Yes, if she shows up on a river trip in a camisole, I think it would be wise to tell her that you won’t go out onto the river with her dressed like that. Same if she shows up skydiving without a parachute.
What the hell that has to do with disliking someone so much that you’ll end your friendship with them because their personal comfort level offends you is beyond me.
You know, I have a friend who is always wearing pants that are too tight for him, because he’s gained some weight and doesn’t want to admit it to himself. It must be really uncomfortable. It’s also none of my damned business, and I have never, ever considered it to be even remotely relevant to our friendship. The thought of sitting with him and becoming extremely annoyed because he must be SO uncomfortable is completely alien to me, and I’ll bet it’s completely alien to most other men reading this, Green Bean’s husband notwithstanding.
I think maybe this whole thing has a little more to do with the fact that this woman has a ‘hot bod’, and displays it in front of her, her friend, and her husband. Jealousy is a better motivator for hatred than is the concern over someone’s tolerance for cold, y’know?
Actually I don’t think Green Bean is being petty, catty, hypersensitive, jealous, or anything like that. She feels uncomfortable and unhappy when Blue-Lips is around, her enjoyment of Blue-lips’ society doesn’t outweigh the discomfort she feels, she doesn’t want to be uncomfortable and unhappy, therefore, she chooses (or may choose) not to seek out Blue-lips’ company. Seems pretty logical to me.
A separate point is that it really doesn’t make any sense to be so bothered by another’s voluntary misery. Even so, one often is bothered by such things.
Actually, Green Bean did later explain that she was using “poetic license”:
There’s a HUGE difference between looking a blind eye to someone’s vanity (being in denial) and noticing someone is miserable in an avoidable way. You think that you can help them out. For all Green Bean knew, Blue Lips had some legitimate reason for arriving so lightly-dressed, and Green Bean wanted to help her out. Like, turn up the heat, or give her a sweater. A lot of us would be grateful for the help. For instance, I am from a warm clime, and I often don’t dress as warmly as I should when I am an area that gets (shudder) snow. I do it out of ignorance. I’d appreciate it if someone offered me something warm to wear! So why shouldn’t Green Bean assume the same of Blue Lips?
That’s how most of these things start out. You notice someone in misery, and trying to be polite and helpful, you want to aleviate their misery. When you discover that they are an “attention whore” who loves the attention, you get annoyed. Of course, at this point, it’s best to blow them off, and let them revel in their misery. If they discover that their antics aren’t getting the desired results (lots of pity and attention) maybe they’ll get a clue.
If you have been fortunate enough to not encounter such attention whores, you’re lucky. Unhappily, some of us know the type, ALL too well.
Jeez, you’ll try any just about any angle to try and spin this into some sort of weird female-against-female thing, won’t you?
Hey, in this case maybe it’s not. Apparently, there’s a whole lot more going on in this relationship than your friend’s choice in personal comfort. But the OP, taken by itself, is completely baffling, and it’s a perfect example of the kind of thing that seems to happen a lot between females and which men find completely perplexing. If that doesn’t apply to you, great.
But it’s like the old joke: What’s the difference between men and women? Well, for one thing, if a man turns up at a party in the exact same outfit as another man, there’s a good chance that they will become friends.
And by the way, my wife agrees with me about much of this. She works on a nursing unit that’s all female, and the petty jealousy, backbiting, gossiping, and infighting that goes on there is unbelievable. There’s always a freaking crisis between a couple of co-workers going on at any given time.
When I was younger and went to church with my family, I had to listen to the women constantly berate the other women in church. “Did you see what she was wearing? How could she wear something like that to church? Disgraceful!”
I’m just not all that sure that y’all can get along with each other very well.
Oh, and please remember that this is the pit. As such, I’m doing a bit of venting of my own.
Wow you people are nicer than I would be.
If she wasn’t a friend and mearly a SO of a friend of mine I’d wait to dessert (some nice yummy non-fat frozen yoghurt so we KNOW she’ll eat some) and have the AC programed to kick in. Lets see what she does when it plummets to 60 degrees in my house after eating a big old bowl of ice cream.
She’s not your friend, and its her own damn fault she’s cold. Let her suffer. You offered to turn up the heat or get her a sweater, if she doesn’t want either then you can’t do anything more than setting her on fire.
Maybe I’m ‘catty’ about this because this is the exact kind of attention whore bullshit I cannot stand?
Like this female person who is screwing my friend. I will call her Ms. Klutz.
Ms. Klutz is not happy unless she has a coffee cup full of some liquid (preferably brown, red, or some other color that will stain her pants) and she can wave the coffee cup around profusely until she spills some upon herself. I have never seen anyone gesture like that with a cup full of liquid in their hands, but Ms. Klutz apparently thinks it’s a good idea.
After she has spilled it on herself in various and numerous locations, she jumps up (spilling more of her drink - I’m not even sure she drinks any of it. Can it be called a drink if all she does is spill it?) and proclaims ‘THERE IS STUFF ON MY PANTS!’ in the loudest possible whine she can manage.
Her whine is so bleatingly fucking loud that the poodle down the block can’t resist chiming in. As she stamps her feet and cries, she succeeds in spilling more stuff on her, usually her shirt, which then means she wants to take OFF her shirt so someone can wash it in the sink for her. At this point, when her ass is being thoroughly kissed, she’ll make some whining little comment like ‘Oh I didn’t like these pants ANYWAY because they make my THIGHS LOOK HUGE.’
So now not only is Ms. Klutz an attention whore, she’s also an approval whore who is begging people to tell her how thin and beautiful she is. She’s gotten so bad about this that she will call the other people in the room fat, ugly, or otherwise deficient to compare herself to them. ‘You liked catsix, and her ass is fatter than mine.’
Everything with her revolves around attention, and how much of it she can get. If someone talks to another woman in the room, Ms. Klutz trips over something, spills something on herself, or starts crying.
She’s … got some serious attention issues. So, yeah, that’s why I’m catty about manipulative underhanded attempts to get attention and sympathy.
catsix, Ms. Klutz sounds like she needs to have the spotlight of attention on her all the time! I’d agree with you that she has issues, all right… she needs to get over her obsessive need for arttention, IMHO.
Sorry, Sam Stone, this man is siding with Green Bean.
It’s not just a “female jealousy” thing, as I read the OP. It’s the moronic insensitivity and self-centeredness of Blue Lips that is causing the conflict. And I do think it’s a passive-aggressive attention-getting ploy.
The fact that the OP mentions that Blue Lips has a beautiful body in no way implies that Green Bean is jealous. As I read it, it’s “justification” for Blue Lips to wear revealing clothing. But it’s also stupid to dress that way in New Jersey in March.
It’s also stupid to refuse a sweater when it’s offered, tell your hostess you’re just fine, then sit and shiver all night. I’d bet a buttload of dough that she doesn’t sit around her own place every evening in sleeveless blouses, shivering. She probably dresses warmly when she’s alone and is responsible for her own comfort, with no one to notice how cold she is.
Although she didn’t state it, part of Green Bean’s issues with Blue Lips, IMHO, is the fact that Green Bean is her host in these instances, and feels responsible for her guest’s welfare and comfort. And when her offers are refused, and Blue Lips is still miserable, then it’s a slap in the face to the good host.
Green Bean, I know you to be a most gregarious and giving person. You have shown me personally that you care for and about other people. (Thank you, by the way. I appreciate it very much) But Blue Lips is manipulating you (and, more than likely, others), and you deserve better than that. Unless you’re willing to force a sweater on her when she comes to visit, let the silly underdressed little git freeze.
Although I do not post often, I spend a good deal of time reading the board. I have to get VERY motivated to weigh in on a topic, and now I am motivated.
Now onto blue lips.
Sam Stone needs to pull his head out of his butt and read the whole thread without trying to cram what is going on into his own shallow grasp of reality.
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This is not a female thing. Blue Lips makes everyone uncomfortable, when we have dinner (because we like Mr Blue Lips) she shakes, she quakes, and she is always good for some pouting too.
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Because Mr Blue Lips gets punished when he spends time away from Blue Lips, to see him we have to ask her along, and as a result, we are losing respect for him, and as a result, spending less time with him.
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My wife Green Bean, gets along with everyone, and is civil and friendly even if she thinks they are a complete moron. I have NEVER seen her be jealous towards anyone
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This is not about too tight pants… This is about people not dressing for the situation or acting in such a way that it makes everyone else have less fun.
He gets “punished?” really.
She sounds like a one-woman soap opera all around, I hope your friend realizes this himself soon.