Try to imagine her singing Climb Everey Mountain from the Sound of Music.
It won’t stop her, but maybe it’ll help make her funnier.
*Cwimb Ev-wy ,mountain
Fowd ev’wy stweam
Fowwow ev’wy wainbow
Tiww you find youw dweam*
You joke–but she *sings *to herself in the ladies room. Every few months she goes off on some kind of New Age hippie retreat: “It’s a silent retreat,” she tells us, “no talking at all.” “That’s just what they tell her,” was my guess.
It’s cute when a duckling in a biggle cap talks like that. “This is Sewious!”
Be careful with that approach. My brother had a girlfriend who had given him a Spice Girls album for Christmas one year. In order to prevent the involuntary wincing whenever it was on, he forced himself to listen to it three hours a day while she out out of town.
By New Years Day, he had checked his sanity at the door, and declared himself the King Of Raleigh.
Yeah, I kinda get that.
When I hear a woman of any age using estrogen Elmer Fudd talk, it makes me want to squeeze them.
Well, not squeeze them exactly; kick them. Hard. In the cunt.
I actually find myself grinding my teeth and digging my fingernails into my palm when she starts talking. But I am proud to say I can chat with her in a friendly and professional manner! My mother always told me, “It doesn’t matter if you like your coworkers–as long as they *think *you do.”
If you want a real solution stop thinking that she should behave in a manner of which you approve.
A bunch of us at work used to park in a lot up the street. Everyone used to complain about the guy who ran the place. For obvious reasons - he is a very angry man. He would make life difficult for them but when I turned up, far later, he would find me a premium spot to park. Why? Because I knew what he was like. I didn’t want to argue or make his day more miserable, so I would pull up and have a chat, listen to his complaints, and take whatever the result was. Mind you, I don’t treat anyone as if they are beneath me.
Anyhow two women at work, after talking to me, started treating him better and soon were getting the same pleasant results as me.
Did you read the post directly above yours?
So, a Ross Perot look-alike? 
Yeah, women like that gag me too. But it is useful to watch them operate, as you can get enormous insight into the character of the men in the vicinity.
(bolding mine)
I now have “My Fair Lady” done in pwecious pwincess voices running through my head.
“Why can’t the Engwish teach theiw chiwdwen how to speak? De Awmenians wearn Awmenian and da Gweeks awe tawt deiw Gweek!”
Better yet, set a trap for her, Wile E. Coyote style. Some bird seed piled on the floor, a “Free bird seed” sign, and an anvil. Sit back and wait for the hilarity.
Caution: If the anvil does not fall, DO NOT walk directly under it and look up at it trying to spot the problem.
Yeah but… that’d mean Eve would go plummeting over the edge of a cliff and Empwess Woad Wunnew gets to continue her weign of tewwow!
No, it would have interfered with his condescension.
Although, if I could turn it off when I wanted to, I’d almost pay to hear oopsy-boopsy baby talk in an assortment of foreign languages. (Is it even possible in German? Would Castilian’s listhp even more? Would Porteguese even sound any different?)
Anyway, here’s how you can tell if it’s acceptable to baby-talk
-
Are you are talking to an actual baby?
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Are you talking to a kitten or puppy, but NOT to an adult dog or cat (if it is no longer nursing, it is no longer a puppy or kitten)?
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Are you intentionally using it sarcastically/amusingly?
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Are you Marilyn Monroe, or possibly a young Jennifer Tilly?
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Have you been explicitly asked by your lover to, in private, perform a Marilyn Monroe impression?
If the answers to all of these questions is “No”, then do not baby talk.
I hope you don’t have Bubble Gum or All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth in your Spike playlist.
Maybe you can do her voice back to her?
“Wovely Day.”
“It twuly is.”
One summer I worked for someone who sounded just like Elmer Fudd. He answered the phone “Kwamer Jewelry.” Fortunately we could hit back amongst the shelves, and being young, we could snicker all we wanted.
And that’s something I just can’t wrap my mind around. Seriously, just the thought of that sowt of fing makes my penis shrink to ice-bathing dimensions :eek:
Howwible for you,
…but so vewy vewy good for us!
What if I ask my lover to perform a young Jennifer Tilly impersonation? Hubba hubba.
It’s a conspiracy between the two to piss you off.
This concept of “wuv” confuses and enrages us!
I am beginning to suspect the entire *world *is in a conspiracy to piss me off.