You’re not the only one here that feels that way.
It hurts me too. And I just introduced my Mig to Facebook and I’ve noticed all he does is look at women’s profiles and their photos and I guess I’m so pathetic it makes me sad. He only doesn’t look at porn online because I’ve warned him that that shit messes your computer up. (He’s not at all computer savvy and doesn’t read much English anyway)
Now I don’t let on how much it bothers me that he looks at other women. I make jokes about it because I am pretty sure it’s me that’s messed up here. I don’t approve of porn. I don’t like it at all. It disgusts me actually. Mig likes it so we had to find some sort of compromise. He watches it with me while we’re fooling around and that’s cool, because I TAKE MY GLASSES OFF! Clever eh?
Even if they show you what they’re looking at, they probably aren’t showing you everything. They’re still hiding the weird stuff. You really don’t want to see inside the male mind.
I think the facebook thing should be more of a concern than porn. Porn for guys is completely impersonal and has nothing to do with how they feel about their partners. They are using the images purely as images with no conception of any relationship or perception of the images as three dimensional human beings (which isn’t to say they don’t think the models are people, only that they know the models are presenting as fantasies, basically as “characters” who aren’t real). Unless they are deluded, they are not thinking in terms of actually interacting with those “characters” in a real world way.
Facebook profiles, though. Those are real people, and not just real, but accessible to contact. Maybe he’s just superficially objectifying their images (as guys are wont to do), and maybe he’s substituting because he doesn’t have access to porn (though, I would bet anything he does. Guys have a way of figuring that out), but surfing facebook profiles is not one of the usual, harmless, male masturbation rituals.
An old Air Force sergeant that I used to work with once opined “There are two kinds of liars: Guys who say they’ve never jerked off, and guys who say they used to”. Drain Bead is pretty much right on the money.
It wouldn’t bother me, personally. I’m pretty open about porn although I don’t watch it much myself and I’ve never seen (or looked for) any evidence that my boyfriend of 6 years views it. He’s said he’s not a fan, I see no reason why he would lie to me about it as a]he’s never lied to me before that I know of and b]he knows I feel fine with him looking at porn and that I was somewhat surprised he’s not into it.
Nonsense. Some men (even young ones, even straight ones, even gay ones) really aren’t porn consumers even though they have access, for a huge variety of reasons. Nothing is wrong with them, any more than the average dude with the internet who enjoys wanking to naked women daily. There’s nothing that ALL MEN or ALL WOMEN do (except exist with their proper parts), there’s a huge spectrum of every sort of behavior. I’m pretty sure men who don’t consume porn are a large minority in the USA at this point in time, but that doesn’t mean they are imaginary.
I do agree that masturbation, fantasies, porn viewing etc isn’t something one has the right to control in your partner. The best you can ask for is “don’t ask, don’t tell”.
He can look at all the pictures of nekkid women that he wants and he knows this. I blame the hiding on years of conditioning in his previous relationships where that simply WASN’T ALLOWED, and he still can’t quite shake the feeling that he’s going to get in trouble if I see him looking.
I was thinking more along the lines of the next door neighbor (which would lead me to believe that there was more going on than some innocuous ogling of some buxom stranger), but okay.
Like I said, he can’t read (English). And I can tell he’s just clicking around looking at photos.
He likes a certain body type. When he finds that type he will go back to it. They aren’t naked but they are suggestive. He sticks with Facebook because of the whole “can’t read” thing. He doesn’t stray outside the confines of Facebook because he doesn’t know how to do much more. I have a few Spanish news sites set up and he’ll look at them too, occasionally.
Of course he has access to porn- videos. He watches it with me there and we have fun with it, although I’m not watching it because without my glasses I am blind as a bat.
I don’t know if he’s looking at those FB pics to masturbate though. Fantasize maybe, but he generally masturbates in the bathroom. No computer in there.
I think some of it is also that they feel like they are getting away with something, and it adds a little thrill–I mean, my husband can look at my boobs all day long if he wants, but he gets a special little kick out of looking down my shirt.
I also think that for a lot of guys porn time is their “me” time. While their front brain is going “yay! tits!”, their back brain is unwinding.
There’s also a part of the male psyche that is conditioned to furtive secrecy from adolescence, when we had to hide it from our parents. I think it becomes reflexive.
Actually, in my house I’m pretty I’m the one with the collection of “weird stuff”. Women are just as capable of being depraved as men, although how we express it is usually different.
My husband doesn’t really try to hide it from me. He mostly keeps it private, but he has some magazines and such that he enjoys. I’ve sent him links to various sites, too.
My porn is mostly graphic novels/comic books, and I generally keep them in the den, in plain view, though not prominently displayed. Occasionally Bill reads them. I also let my daughter look at them, if she wants to, though she hasn’t admitted that she wants to. She’s 31, by the way, so it’s not like I’m involved in corrupting a child.
Speaking of masturbation, I have asked my husband if he does this and he said no. I don’t believe him. Isn’t this something that all men do? It wouldn’t bother me if he did. He must think I’m pretty stupid LOL
It would give you something to watch while you wait for your food to cook
lisalan, I think you and your husband have a few issues to work out. Maybe you need to try to reassure him that you’re okay with him still having some private sexuality (and after you’ve told him that it isn’t a big deal to you, maybe leave him alone, because he might simply be embarrassed).
But some consider it terribly shameful, or may even not, how to put this… seek it. Apparently my father was one of them; as far as my mother knows, he only masturbated if he’d woken up with a woody and couldn’t have PiV sex (long winding explanations there that I don’t want to get into) and would get mad at himself for it. Requests from Mom for hand or mouth action when PiV was not possible were angrily rejected “I am not going to perform mutual masturbation with you or anybody!”, a priest’s advice to “keep the tool greased” during one of Mom’s long illnesses almost caused Dad to go nuclear.
Between my parents they had so many hangups I’m often surprised they managed to make three kids.
