Question for you Dangerosa

[TokyoBayer]

@Sarahfeena

These are great examples. One of the things that bothers me in particular is when she talks about her child not sharing her “values.” While this word can mean a lot of things, I feel like in this case what it means is that he cares less about academics than she would like, and isn’t a hard worker. I think it’s a mistake, though, to be unsupportive of the things that the kid does value (like sports) and then complain that he doesn’t want to do anything.

The dress code thing was like that as well. She and her husband fight tooth and nail with the school for her because it reflects her values, but she wants the school to back her on her fights with her son because the choices he makes go against her “morals.” That’s harder for me to understand, and it would seem easy for the son to look at that as being unfair.

It’s got to be tough when you have children so different. I totally get that.

It’s really easy to love children who mirror you. Even as babies they were different. My daughter and I “connected” easier. Same sort of sense of humor. Same sort of appreciation of things, even when she was two.

But as IvyTower pointed out, her son needed her to back him up and appreciate what he did, even if it wasn’t something she liked or valued.

Here’s another example, concerning homework.

@Dangerosa

Which, if you are my son, you do as fast as you can (because right answers don’t make any difference) and put it in the basket as you leave. (shortened)

My daughter has now been in school five weeks. There have been no gradable events showing up in Science or Band or PE as of today - after five weeks, I don’t know if in PE she is getting dressed and participating or not (I’d guess she is, she is the type). Her Algebra teacher has lost three assignments - that he found when I called him to say “can you check through your pile, she tells me she turned them in” and the Spanish teacher has lost two - both graded to someone else in the gradebook. I’m not worried about her like I am about him, she is flightly - but she is bright.

(my bolding) Yes, this isn’t a big deal in and of itself. In fact, it’s not remarkable at all that kids are different and that she would be worried more about one than another.

However, it’s just the same pattern. She – understandably – values hard work and academic achievements so we hear all the good stories about her daughter.

It’s really wonderful that she is very supportive of her daughter and the gender identity changes she has had. That’s really cool but it also is something which she was supportive of before having her daughter.