Questionable Super-Powers

[Autolycus]

The ability to sweat profusely upon command.

• to projectile vomit with great speed, distance, and accuracy
• to make lists that have no third item
• to fart rainbows
• to sexually attract the most ugly, crude, and boorish people in the world
• to be able to go to the deepest place on the ocean floor, but only once, for a very specific amount of time.
• to use tired message board memes with incredible timing

[dtilque]

@Autolycus

• to projectile vomit with great speed, distance, and accuracy

Even better: Bukkake for Justice

[De_La_Rue]

One of my favorite came from a list of worthless mutant powers. It was the ability to make other people mutants–but their mutant ability would be to make other people mutants, and so on…

[Napier]

I want the ability to be able to cause somebody sudden and uncontrollably explosive diarrhea. I want to use it to influence politics for the better.

[msmith537]

I thought one of the random mutants from X-Men 3 had one of the most worthless powers. His arms grew back instantly after they were cut off. I mean how often do you get your arms pulled off? Of course, he probably thought those powers were useless up until the point where Wolverine cut off his arms like 5 times in a row.

[VarlosZ]

@Napier

I want the ability to be able to cause somebody sudden and uncontrollably explosive diarrhea. I want to use it to influence politics for the better.

Sure, sounds great, until you accidentally do it to someone who’s a little too beloved, at which point public opinion about the occurrence will turn and suffering from messy, uncontrollable bowel movements in public will become de riguer for any politician on the campaign trail. Then we’ll just have a bunch of shit all over the place.

[msmith537]

@Flander

How about the ability to clog toilets with no hands?

I have that power.

[Dragwyr]

I have the power to send psychic thoughts into my own head.

[Captain_Carrot]

@msmith537

I thought one of the random mutants from X-Men 3 had one of the most worthless powers. His arms grew back instantly after they were cut off. I mean how often do you get your arms pulled off? Of course, he probably thought those powers were useless up until the point where Wolverine cut off his arms like 5 times in a row.

I think that power would be very useful for many occupations. A lot of people have to have parts amputated, after all.

[ivan_astikov]

I have now added being able to spontaneously combust at will to my powers, but need a fire extinguisher, or a nearby water source to put myself out again.
p.s. And damn, it stings!

[Miller]

@dtilque

Even better: Bukkake for Justice

That’s just a questionable use of a valid superpower. For a genuinly questionable superpower, we have to look at another comic by the same author.

(Also, I fixed your link.)

[Sunspace]

The lamest superpower: Ear Hair Man. Has the ability to cause luxurious growth of ear hair in anyone within a fifty-metre radius. Can not cause ear hair to disappear.

[Napier]

@VarlosZ

Sure, sounds great, until you accidentally do it to someone who’s a little too beloved, at which point public opinion about the occurrence will turn and suffering from messy, uncontrollable bowel movements in public will become de riguer for any politician on the campaign trail. Then we’ll just have a bunch of shit all over the place.

My god, you’re right. This is why I could never make it in a life of public service.

[Belrix]

I have the ability to always get the last cup of coffee in the pot - necessitating that I make the next pot. I call myself “Good to the Last Drop Man”.

Unfortunately, I can’t find a use for this power other than having a nemesis that’s caffeine powered (so that I might deny him).

[Illuminatiprimus]

The ability to give people STDs without actually having sex with them.

[Hypno-Toad]

I possess a super-powered delusion of grandeur. It has turned me into the greatest human in history!