Married, 27 male.
My wife and I slept together in the same bed (without messing around) soon after we started dating. It wasn’t a big deal, we were annoyingly in love and cuddling and making out were good enough. I think the third time we did that, it led to sex. In fact, she says that was a little test of hers to see if I was a “good guy” or a “bad guy.” She thought that if I was a good guy I would be able to sleep with (or really, next to) her and not try any funny stuff. I guess I passed.
Yeah, I think part of my problem has been mentioning it too soon (“By the way, I’m not into casual sex!”). Though I know there are guys out there who aren’t obsessed with sex – I have a guy friend who’s said that it’ll happen when it happens and he doesn’t worry about it.
That’s what a couple of friends told me – that having a little sex doesn’t necessarily mean getting an STD. Someone also said that when I transfer to a university my attitudes will naturally loosen up just from it being available all the time. ;>
**Rhiannon8404 ** and I dated for about 2 1/2 years before we were married, and didn’t have sex until our wedding night. Which is not to say that we never touched each other. In fact, we did just about everything **except ** have intercourse. We’ve been married almost 11 years now, and I still think that some of the best sex we ever had happened while we weren’t having sex.
Don’t get me wrong; we have great sex now, but the physical side of our relationship didn’t suffer a bit just because we weren’t having “sex”.
I think you make a big mistake going into a relationship with a set timeline.
FYI, I am male.
Maybe they can’t, but I can. Have done so. Both parties have been clear there was further interest but at least one not ready, so fine. No problem with any hands or whatever developing wills of their own and acting on their own.
I always use the “beyond my control” defense too !
I actually convinced my ex-GF that my little friend has a mind of its own… 
Naturally I tend to be a willing accomplice.