Wouldn’t “Free Beer” be better as a band name? How many people would show up if they saw posters proclaiming, “Tonight Only: Free Beer!”?
How about, The Other Leading Band as a band name?
How about Five Out of Six Dentists Surveyed Love Our Band?
Do you suppose the sixth dentist preferred a stoat themed band?
Well, c’mon, I mean, who wouldn’t?
And why are there no major professional sports teams named the Stoats? Wouldn’t you buy season tickets to the Baltimore Stoats if you lived in the area?
Shall we pool our money to buy a sports team and name it the Stoats? Who’s in?
Do you think we could raise enough if each of us chipped in five dollars?
While a stoat based team would no doubt be highly prestigious, wouldn’t it also be extremely expensive too? Maybe we should aim lower and try to buy a team like the Potato Bugs or maybe Quokkas?
What would your thoughts be on something like the Orson Beans?
Doesn’t really roll off the tongue like The Baltimore Stoats, does it? Plus, what would their team mascot be?
Would you really want stoats rolling off your tongue, no matter the geographic location? And couldn’t you hire one of the undoubtedly many, many, many Orson Bean impersonators who are looking for work?
There are an awful lot of them out there, aren’t there?
As for a pro sports team called the Stoats, much as I agree that “the Baltimore Stoats” rolls trippingly off the tongue (and the three-syllables-followed-one structure is inherently pleasing, isn’t it?), don’t you think the team might best be located in a city beginning with “S,” for the further virtue of alliteration? How about, for instance, the Seattle Stoats, the San Antonio Stoats or even the Stockton Stoats…?
And can’t you just picture the St. Louis Stoats mascot (a STOAT!) in your head? And while it might be possible to have a guy in a team jersey walking around the stadium with a big foam rubber Orson Bean head exhorting fans to cheer for victory, which mascot would you say is the cooler looking of the two?
Well, the Stoat, obviously, don’t you think?
Is there a town called “Quaker”? If so, could we have the “Quaker Stoats”?
Wouldn’t the Quaker Quokkas be a better fit?
Have you ever seen a real quokka, like in the zoo?
Is a group of them called a “quota”?
Why haven’t we seen Quaker Geoducks?