Here’s my question: why do women care so much about fashion? Do you all think we care about what you’re wearing? Because, beyond the general sliding scale of casual (very casual, casual, business casual, semi-formal, formal), most of us don’t. Really. So why?
I can only speak for myself, but I don’t dress for men. I dress primarily for myself. I like fashion and design and dressing myself and seeing how I look in certain things. I guess the primary motive is vanity. To an extent, I also dress for other women–it’s a kind of “see how good I look in this?” type thing. Sometimes if I’m going on a date or something I think of men when I get dressed, but generally I don’t at all.
So when does it cross over from a clinical assessment to actual “interest”.
I ask because I am convinced that a man’s definition of “interest” is completely different than a woman’s definition of “interest”, hence my miserable dating life. So if you can define “interest” from a man’s perspective, it would be helpful too (please).
Disagree. I think women don’t really understand that many men, if not most, will experience some attraction to just about any close female friend they have and will oftentimes be asking themselves if there’s a possibility for it to become something more. I don’t think women do that (as far as I know, I’m not an authority on the matter) and, thus, might not realize how it is for men in close platonic relationships with women they find attractive (and you wouldn’t be in a close relationship with a woman you didn’t find “attractive.” And that doesn’t just mean physically, but also (and more importantly) emotionally, intellectually, and the like). Just because you think there might be something more to it than she does doesn’t mean you’re not a “real friend.” And admitting that you like a female friend, her turning you down, and you ending the relationship doesn’t mean you’re not a real friend either…just means you took a chance and ended up in an awkward situation that you can’t deal with now. This gets even harder when women say that you have to make your feelings known if you want to move out of the dreaded “friend zone.” You don’t want to make your feelings known unless you know she likes you and will reciprocate and you both can move on to something new, but you wont know she likes you unless you say something! It’s a vicious cycle.
Tangentially-Related Example: I teach in a night school and I once asked my students (men and women over 25) if they think men and women can just be plain friends. The women all said yes and the men all said no. One woman said “He’s just my friend because I don’t like him any other way.” I asked, “Well, maybe HE likes you?” To which she replied, “Why? He’s just my friend.” Needless to say, we got nowhere on that topic until I screened “When Harry Met Sally” for the class.
Dunno if I’ve got anything much in common with other guys or not. “Interest” in the sense described in the post you were referencing? Ubiquitous. SO ubiquitous that I don’t notice it. OF COURSE y’all look delicious. (What’s THAT got to do with anything?) It has nothing to do with the likelihood of me getting involved with you. It might if only SOME of you looked so nice, I suppose. It might if my attraction to you tended to correlate with a similar attraction on your part to me, of the sort that in most such cases you’d be looking around for an empty broom closet or hidden corner somewhere where we, as complete and absolute strangers, could immediately commence making out and having sex. But mostly it means neither of those things so it’s just background noise. Yeah so you are fantastically sexy to look at. So’s most of your sex. Experience says that me smiling and nodding is rarely going to lead to us running off somewhere to have instant gratification. What you look like doesn’t have diddly squat to do with who you are or what you are like, so if we’re going to be interacting on that level, the fact that I find your appearance sexy has no relevance, now does it?
So interest is all about your thoughts & ideas & such. You got a head full of fascinating conclusions, fuilly thought out and about which you are passionate? Got a zippy-fast mind that makes quick & quirky observations so that you’re fun to talk to? The other, the body stuff, that’s not to worry about, if we mesh in the ways that count chances are overwhelmingly good that the ‘sexy’ will be entirely good enough if we have reason to get to that, so why bother communicating any of that one way or the other when we scarcely know each other?
Ditching a friend because they won’t do what you want does in fact make you a pretty sorry excuse for a friend.
*Funny, I enjoy being friends with my friends. That’s why we’re friends. The only reason to dread being in the “friend zone” is if you don’t actually want to be friends with the other person.
*No, it isn’t. What you’re describing isn’t a cycle at all, it’s a stable situation that is going to tend to remain stable unless something happens to change it. If you do the cost-benefit analysis and decide not to risk making a change then that’s your choice, but you have no one to blame but yourself when your decision to do nothing results in nothing new happening. This isn’t some special secret about women, it’s how the world works.
That said, I think I’ve gone as far with this tangent as I’m willing to go. It’s turning into a hijack, and we sure don’t need yet another “Nice Guy” thread.
Ditching a friend because they won’t do what you want does in fact make you a pretty sorry excuse for a friend.
Breaking it off with my friend who didn’t want to go see the movie I wanted would be stupid since it wouldn’t subject me to any emotional pain. Other the other hand, ending a relationship where you’re not being loved back would probably be for the better than going through all that torment and anguish. After all, What would be the other option? Clamming up about your true feelings and feeling bad about it? Or letting things out and finding out she doesn’t like you and subjecting yourself to further emotional pain? Ok, fine, maybe in a perfect world we all should suffer for the sake of a good friendship but this isn’t a perfect world. And as someone who has experienced this I found it more comfortable to leave relationships like that in the past than subject myself to it any further. Call it selfish if you want. Or chalk it up to the destructive power of emotion, I guess. Either way, women should understand that many men view many of their M-F relationships as something that could be potentially more than friendship.
I enjoy being friends with my friends. That’s why we’re friends. The only reason to dread being in the “friend zone” is if you don’t actually want to be friends with the other person.
Um, yeah, many men don’t want to be just friends with their female friends. This is a fact of life, this is the point I’m trying to make. And “I’m not in love with him” isn’t a good enough reason to say why he shouldn’t feel that way about you. You’re also forgetting that women have all of the power to determine where a relationship goes and we’re all just at the mercy of your whims. And, anyway, what’s so bad about entering into a friendship and possibly wanting more than that? Should we feel guilty for having romantic feelings? More often than not men are the ones who get hurt in this situation, anyway.
What you’re describing isn’t a cycle at all, it’s a stable situation that is going to tend to remain stable unless something happens to change it
Easy for you, as the person with no special feelings, to say. Ever considered how the other side might feel?
You obviously have no idea what the term “friend zone” connotates, do you?
“friend zone” != friendship
I suggest you reread your quoted section again. Note the last sentence in particular.
The “friend zone” implies the unequal relationship of a man seeking a relationship with a woman, and wants to prove himself by being a good “friend”. In fact he is deluding both himself (by believing that friendship leads to sexual attraction) and her (by having her believe that there is no ulterior motive to his actions), and the person in question needs to understand that he has to either drop his ambitions or drop the friendship, or the entire situation will end in tears for all parties involved. He will end up feeling led on, while she will end up feeling tricked.
When a guy takes a dump does his balls hang in the toilet or sit on the seat? Does the tip of the penis rub the front of the bowl and do guys get squicked out if they have to take a dump in a public toilet and their penis is inside the toilet?
Is it true when a guy takes a dump that the poop stimulates something in his ass and he gets an erection? Does that thing in “Road Trip” actually work when someone sticks 2 fingers in a guys ass and he ejaculates? How would I do this?
Is blue balls a true thing? Does a guy need to take care of his desire or does it go away?
Does a guy need to take care of his desire or does it go away?
Sometimes “taking care of it” helps, sometimes its too far gone and it would be extremely painful to take care of it. At that point, best to just try to sleep it off.
if you sat so far forward that your balls rested on the seat you would be darn uncomfortable, your turds may not land in the water but on the dry inside bowl or seat, you ass cheeks would not be spread and you would have a lot of wiping to do.
if you sat upright the tip likely would not touch the bowl unless you were well beyond massive. depends on the water level a beyond average guy might occasionally touch the water though rarely.
What really messes things up is the cultural meme that “you should be friends, first”. Well I’m sure that can work out great in some cases, but the way it usually works out is you, as a guy, end up with a friend you like as more then a friend. Meanwhile she doesn’t like you as anything more then a friend. Some dudes end up being emotional sponges, always there for her, hoping she’ll change her mind, but it doesn’t work that way.
Madness is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. It only took being in that situation once to see why it wouldn’t work. Seeing how other people get stuck in it only confirms my personal rule. You’re either a friend or romantic interest (or someone I don’t know, or don’t like, of course). If you’re a romantic interest then when you cease to be a romantic interest you don’t get to “be friends”. If you want the milk you’re going to have to buy the damn cow.
This is, somehow, making me a little green. I hereby declare that should I somehow ever magically become a dude, with all the equipment and accouterments thereto pertaining, I shall never have a poo without cupping my junk well clear of said terlit water. Squick.
Your students are stupid. I’ve had a dozen female friends in my life to whom I felt no physical attraction, some of whom were objectively quite good-looking.
I have also had female friends to whom I was physically attracted, and in some cases I acted on it and in some I didn’t.
The act of squeezing off a deuce tends to induce urination too, since the same muscles also contract the bladder, so you actually want to keep your junk pointed down.
Okay, that’s it. I’m never gonna be a dude. I don’t know how you people walk around with those things. NajaHusband can just carry right on being the Keeper of the Penis™ in this relationship.
Ah, the infamous North American toilet aside, even European toilets are prone to the splash effect. The aformentioned junk does get a proper dowsing every now and then.
Then we’re in perfect agreement, because that’s the point I’ve been trying to make – many men don’t want to be friends with women. Some men actually like having female friends, but if being friends with women is so unsatisfying for you then maybe you should stop pretending that’s what you want.
