Let’s share some adult retorts to those snide kid comments about your height, hair, age, etc.
For example: ‘I might have a receeding hairline but I get more sex than you.’ (Might be Fun to say back to teenage boys.) Or, ‘I have an apple (point under the chin) where you have a peanut’
(Useful retort to teenage boys who still have a child’s voice). ‘I don’t give lessons.’ Adults can use this on teenagers who make some snide sexual remark.
I’m sure there are more, I sure could use some. they are fun.
There’s always the perennial favorite, “Kid” (or “punk”, depending on the hostility level), “I’ve been doing this since before you were born!”
Sadly, I am now growing old enough that I can say this to my junior colleagues…truthfully .
“Kings die, and leave their crowns to their sons. Shmuel HaKatan took all the treasures in the world, and went away.”
The time I was visiting a museum with my mother and a small child told her to “zip it” (we were discussing the exhibit), I was so shocked I couldn’t say anything. Fortunately, mom didn’t hear it…but the alleged parents did, and: did nothing! Wish I had a comeback for that that would have zinged the parents, too.
Anyone see Fried Green Tomatoes a few yrs back? Had one good scene: Kathy Bates is trying to back into a parking space. A convertible w/ 2 twenty-somethings chicks pulls in right in front of her. “Face it lady, we’re younger and faster” They say. Bates reverses and smashes into their car. “Face it girls, I’m older and have more insurance.”
When my stepniece (14 yrs) starts her too-cool-for-you bit, I just tell her that my car is paid for. OOOH I hate kids.
I’ll be there
Where I’ll teach what I’ve been taught
And I’ve been taught…
Nothing irks the teenagers in my life more than being called “Teenager”. As in, “Oh, Teenager, could you bring me my smokes?” “Teenager, would you be a dear and regrout my bathroom tiles?”
My mother ought to give lessons on how to put down annoying teenagers. On one memorable occasion, we were waiting in line at a music store when a pair of teenaged girls in line behind us decided to make fun of her-- one of those “we’re young and hip, you aren’t” sort of things.
The conversation somehow got around to Fleetwood Mac (this was after they released their reunion CD):
Girl: I don’t suppose you know Fleetwood Mac?
Mom: You know Stevie Nicks?
Girl: No.
Mom: Well, dear-- (tosses her hair) you don’t know Fleetwood Mac.
Okay, so maybe you had to be there for the hair toss. But it really pissed off the two girls, and it didn’t help that I was laughing my ass off.
– Sylence
And now, for my next trick, I will talk in spooky half-references.
This is one that applies to kids somewhat younger, but it’s a winner. I saw it in a supermarket once, when a kid (about seven years old) was whining about getting some toy.
DAD: No, you can’t have that.
KID: But I WANT it!!!
DAD: People in hell want ice water.
UncleBeer-----that was a classic! Oh, dear, oh dear…I’m still wiping the tears off my face! May I use that? Please?
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