“…a Trojan; then you won’t have to worry about the kids.”
“If I’ve heard that once, I’ve heard it…”
“…once. Unless it’s that damn pizza jingle.”
“My desk isn’t a mess… it’s ‘uniquely’…”
“… created by Damian Hurste, it is an installation called ‘Lost Marbles in a Sea of Data’ and is worth over $500,000”
“Birds do it, Bees do it, even educated flees do it, lets do it, lets …”
“…network reciprocally.”
“Press Enter…”
“…and go make yourself a tall drink, before returning to see if the hampsters are running today.”
“Singing do-wah diddy-diddy-dum diddy-dum…”
“… means that Placedo Domingo has forgotten the words again”
“When submitting your PhD Thesis, it is customary to …”
“…kick butt and kiss ass. Or kiss butt and kick ass. Or something.”
“Spring! Spring is here! And…”
“…some people had just finally learned to drive in winter weather, or stay home. Now they can lose their skills over the summer and fall, to return as newly-reborn asshats next winter!”
“McDuff was displeased to learn, after waiting a half hour for a customer service representative, that his extended warranty would not cover…”
“…the large cherry pie stains on the white velvet interior of his hot pink Cadillac.”
“How many licks does it take to get to the middle of a…”
“…virgin’s dreams?”
“Dammit! I told you not to leave the gate open! Now the goats are…”
“…frolicking gayly amongst each other on the interstate.”
“Anybody who’s got a taste bud will…”
“…taste anybody who’s got a taste bud.”
“This is going to hurt me more than…”
“…it hurt you when you dialed the Discount Dominatrix referral service. She didn’t whoop on you near as good as I got it, son!”
“The lamps are lowered, soft candlelight flickers. The smell of jasmine and rum hangs in the air, as soft laughter mingles with conversation. Suddenly, Dominique realisied that…”
“…she needed to stop watching so many daytime soap operas.”
“One for the money…”
.....shot please" who would have known that Queen Elizabeth II would be so eager to please, first day on the porn-shoot?"
" We were so poor that instead of using tartare sauce on our daily whelk, we had to make do with…"**
“…cement paste and potato flakes.”
“Pour in two shots of vodka, one shot of lemonade, a twist of pineapple juice, and several cherries. Shake briskly and you have…”
– warning TMI —
“… the puss that oozed from Grandad’s old war wound.”
“But that wasn’t as bad as when we ran out of apple juice. Because when the vicar came round on Sunday we had to give him …”
Puss oozed from his wound? Whoa! Or do you mean…pus? 
“…orange peels, old peanut shells, stale potato chips and brandy. He wasn’t pleased.”
“There’s an old saying about working for the government. Hurry up and…”
…complete your objectives with as little domestic and foreign upset as possible, and Miss Moneypenny will reward you with whatever sexual task comes out of the bowler hat this time. "
" If you se No-No, small robot you know, Friend of ulysses…"
“…is the song I used to sing to my parrot when he wouldn’t shut the hell up. Fucking parrot. Always demanding crackers!”
“They say there are two types of people in life. Those who do and those who…”