…been using them to spice up her Green Bean caserole for years.
Don’t you hate it when a chick won’t…
“…break out of the shell? I know that’s been a topic of conversation at our poultry farm for years.”
“Those damned idiots and their noisy…”
frog…kept me up all night because they tried to figure out which side to lick!"
"dang that gotta hurt…
“…the shiny white surface of your femur being my first clue.”
“But while you’re down there, writhing in pain, would you like to buy…”
“…a vowel? I’m sure your purchase will make Vanna more gentle next time.”
“On a hot, steamy summer day, there’s nothing like a…”
“…blast of icy air from the past. Welcome, all, to the Cold War Reenactment Organization.”
“My dog is ill. What do I do? He’s shaking, feverish, and last night he got in the car and…”
…drove us all to Hooters?? On a Thursday???"
“I was under great difficulties between urgency and shame…”**
"… the Gents had been vandalized, so I snuck into the Ladies hoping no one would see me. Unfortunately just at that moment a group of Nuns were having a smoke inside. They looked at me with venomous eyes, but I saved myself saying ‘Haven’t you ever seen a female transvestite before?’ "
“The pressures of work can be easily avoided by joining the ‘Cold War Reenactment Organization’, every month out members spend a weekend …”
…trying on each others overcoats, smoking Gitanes and scribbling moustaches onto our passport photographs with crayons. Then we all pile into Bob’s Trabbant and drive around pavement cafes pointing at random diners while another of our number says " Yes, that’s him"
" Touch me in the morning and last thing at night…"**
“…with a 1,400 pound wheel of cheese.”
“Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is…”
"…at my place.
What am I gonna do?!!"
"How to set up your gronkulator.
Step 1: Open the box…"
"…the automatic box open sensor will allow the device to take it from there. It is recommended that small children and pets be placed out of reach, should the gronkulator enter feeding mode.
“Fred had always wanted to run a locomotive, but felt a twinge of fear once the 97 car freight train began to…”
“…acheve sentience. He had a feeling this was not a normal thing for a train; but his worries were soon soothed by the locomotive’s gentle words. As a result, Fred was completely not paying attention when the locomotive suddenly left its preordained track and ran for political office.”
“Mi havas esperon!…”
....donkey chorizo"
“On my 1st day at the office I was told the only way to get respect was to walk up to the hardest looking guy in the cafeteria…”**
“…with a belt sander.”
“The number two is…”
…most prevalent in the collection beating number ones by 2 to 1 as a quick count of the ziplock bags in the chest freezer will tell you. Also of note is the neat handwriting on the attached post-it notes which supply the reader with the date, time and weight each product was at ‘birth’."
" Turn around bright eyes…"**
btw what does Mi havas esperon mean anyway? babelfish just said buh?
“… you really DON’T want to see me getting undressed. You’ll have to believe me when I say there are some things a woman just isn’t supposed to see on an empty stomach.”
“In Wales and New Zealand it is not a good idea to count sheep when trying to sleep, since …”
<off>
smam, it means ‘I have hope’ in Esperanto. Here’s a simple translator.
</off>
....every one that tries gets to number 69 then decides to take a 'stroll' down to the pens"
“A haw hee haw ma leedle honion…”**
I have a feeling I may be repeating myself now.
"…is a thinly disguised foreign entreaty for, ‘I’d love to sniff your knickers.’
“The milk crate atop the ladder which was resting in the rusted bed of Billy-Bob’s truck was Wilbur’s first clue that…”