Remember that the job you are applying for tomorrow is not the job you’ll be doing for the rest of your life, so you don’t need to worry about finding the ‘perfect job’. Getting a job and doing it to the best of your abilities will do a lot to boost your confidence.
I suggest applying for an unpaid summer internship at a company that you might like to work for. Since it would be unpaid, it should not be that difficult to get. If you work really hard and impress people, they may offer you a full time job after you graduate. An unpaid internship at a Fortune 500 company will look better on your resume than Hardee’s type work.
well thanks everyone for listening to me complaining and giving good advice
When I started college I wanted to do archaeology. But also I had watched Indiana Jones that summer. Anyway, archaeology was boring to me. Don’t really wanna look at maps of ancient walls and street grids. After a couple classes of that, I decided to focus more on language and literature, for I find that much more interesting. I am very interested in language in general, and we read some really good stuff in classes. So I picked what major I was interested in even though it is not practical. People are all the time asking me what am I going to do with it, and I don’t know. I am tired as heck of people criticizing my choice and asking me what I am going to do. I don’t even know what I will do, and people asking me just makes my fears worse. I thought I might go to grad school, but now I am not sure if I want to do more school, and I think I might be too lazy to succeed. Maybe I should think more about the future, but I don’t know what I will do. I only think in the short-term and have no future plans.
I know I should get a job, and I hear that often, but I already know that I need to get a job. And I feel really bad that I don’t. But it just seems like an impossibly difficult task so I guess I sort of gave up because I can’t do hard things. It is just hard for me to interact with people and I am too scared. Or that is just an excuse for being too lazy. I guess if I really needed a job/was going to starve I would be motivated enough to do it, but now I just don’t care enough. Sometimes I feel really bad about not having a job or other things, but most of the time I just don’t think about serious things and focus on things I enjoy, so most of the time I feel pretty good.
I do help out around the house when I can. I do more cooking than mom and keep the kitchen tidy, and try to clean up other things when I can.
I went to counseling maybe 6-7 times on campus during the past few months. Now I am at home so I am not. I might start going again in the fall. I do feel like I have gained something from it, but when I first went I guess I had unrealistic expectations of there being a magic fix. I’m pretty sure there is a call-in number but I am not going to call it because 1) I don’t know what I would say and 2) I’m scared to talk to people on the phone.
PSXer, your lucky you’re not my kid. Your ass would be out on the street.
I feel sorry for your mom, that she continues to invest in you and you don’t give a shit. You don’t deserve her.
:mad:
Improving any of the issues you have is very hard work and will take time. Counseling is a good way to keep you motivated at improving, and work on solutions to your problem. I wish it was more of a magic fix too.
But really, your life isn’t so bad. You have a lot to work on but you have a good place to live and a good relationship with your mom (it sounds like), you’re doing well in school, you have an interest in and talent for your major (which could be more ‘practical’ but you’ll have a BA at the end, which is a good thing), you have friends, you have your health and you’re young.
You’ll figure it out. But you need to *work *at figuring it out, otherwise you’ll continue to coast until you find yourself in a much worse situation (mom pissed because you’re sitting at home after graduation, etc).
And I think a job, some autonomy, your own income, and being forced to be a bit more social is going to do you a lot of good this summer. Can you ask your mom for help with this again? Make a list of everywhere you can apply to, to start.
Volunteer during your breaks from school. You’ll spend less time at home feeling like a guilty useless pudding (not that you are one, but it sounds like you feel like one). You’ll learn how to interact with people, and you’ll get to experience that nice dopamine rush that comes from helping people (or animals!) in need.
Hell you could drive to a humane society and ask them if they need some dogs walked or cats petted. I am sure they could find something for you to do.
You’re feeling legitimate anxiety. But you’re not going to solve these issues at home. You’ll solve them by getting out into the world and learning to cope with it.
In another year, you’ll be done with school. If you don’t work on this problem now, you could end up staying at home full time - a situation I’m sure you and your family doesn’t want.
The thing you need to do is get yourself out of your comfort zone. Figure out how far you can push yourself and do it. And then, when you get used to that, push yourself further. You need to start working towards some goals - they’re not going to come to you.
And you need to realize this isn’t going to get easier with time. In fact, it’ll be the opposite. Going out in the world at 21 is hard. But going out when you’re 25 or 30 or 40 will be harder. You’re still young and there’s time to get your life back on track.
It catches up with you though. Eventually you’ll think about the unpleasantness again, and this time it will be worse. You’ll push it away, and when it comes back it’ll be even worse. It becomes a vicious cycle. It will never be easier to break free than it is right now. Start small and force yourself to do one thing today that you think you can’t do.
I used to have the same phobia with talking on the phone. Then my mom pushed me to apply for this job. I was totally relaxed during the interview because I didn’t want the damn job and I knew they wouldn’t give it to me anyway…but then they did! I had to answer the phone a hundred times a day and say, “Diagnostic blah blah blah, Julia speaking.” I was afraid I would panic and forget what to say, so my trick to remember it was to tell the callers, “DIE! Agnostic blah blah blah.” After answering the phone for a couple of weeks, I was cured.
That sounds nice. But I think the OP should get a job that pays and help out his poor mom.
That’s a good ideal. But let’s face facts, people don’t always get a job just because they want one. Even with the best intent and effort, the OP might not get employed right away. So it’s a good idea to have a backup plan for staying on the path to employment and working as a volunteer is a good step. It gets you out of the house, interacting with people, and doing something useful on a regular schedule - thus making you more employable.
In addition to all the other advice…
Why don’t you go outside for a jog. Like, right now. Put on some trainers, a t-shirt and pair of shorts, and just go jog around the block. It will clear your head and get some endorphins rushing. It might even motivate you enough to flip through the jobs section of your local paper.
Good luck!
ps. I have some pretty bad anxiety, for which I take medication. I went to counseling for a couple of years to learn some coping skills. I am also a trial attorney! You can overcome your anxiety, but you have to be motivated to do it.
Are we in the pit or something? Did this thread get moved?
That’s so inappropriate.
PSXer, you sound like you have a serious social anxiety issue and your way of dealing with it has been avoidance. I know this because I’ve been this way my entire life. My mom carried me until I was 25 and probably would have longer but she died. It was mutual, of course. I helped her (she was sick a long time) and she helped me but it kept me from reaching out and learning to live on my own.
You only have this one life. You’re wasting it living in fear but you will continue to live this way unless there is a catalyst. It WILL happen, whether you are that catalyst or something else is. You can either start small or start big but you need to make a move or you will be sitting in your dark little house staring at a screen when you’re 41 years old, trying desperately to not think about how you wasted so much of your life.
Why because I’m blunt?
I do not believe my comments were insults to the OP. They were direct response to his comment that he just doesn’t care about doing anything with his life while his mother supports him. The OP is not a minor needing support. He’s sponging off his mom’s graciousness and he doesn’t care.
You may live your life where you get pats on the head for trying, or in the OP’s case, just being there. But in the real world that leaves you in a long entitlement line.
Would your reaction be different, if the OP were a deadbeat dad, complaining about the court ordered child support he was supposed to pay, but he just couldn’t figure out how to make it work? In similar threads, those posters get regularly called dead beat dads without nary a concern from other posters. Why is this situation different? He’s taking advantage of his mother.
I agree to a point. But I don’t think it would be all that hard to get a low-paying, “college kid” type job.
No, because you’e wrong. The OP says he feels guilty about not working, he just feels intense anxiety about the process of correcting the situation. “Not caring” and “finding it hard to fix the problem” are not the same thing. Your accusation that he is an entitled gleeful sponger is incorrect, and insulting.
Go back and read his post that I quoted. Here’s a broader quote:
He also refers to himself as lazy. I’m not wrong. He himself says that he doesn’t care. Why doesn’t he need a job? Because mom takes care of him. Laziness and apathy about your current situation is not a psychiatric condition that warrants pity. It warrants a kick in the ass, by someone that should love him enough to do it.
You sound a lot like me when I was in high school. Crippling shyness, could barely talk to anyone who wasn’t family or established friend. I got a job as a supermarket cashier that cured me of that very quickly. Being in a reasonably scripted situation made me able to interact with strangers. You’re just a few years behind my trajectory, and you will be astonished how much having a service job helps your anxiety and shyness. Like your Hardee’s job, I hated my supermarket job, but I am very proud of myself for sticking it out until I finished high school and college.
You can do it. You really can.
Can’t never could.
Straight up, a large part of adult life involves doing hard things. It’s not always fun, and sometimes it’s scary as Hell. There is no shame in failure if you’ve given your best effort, but you haven’t done that. You quit. Because it was hard. Frankly, I think you need a good kick in the ass to motivate you to get out there and do something.
My experience has been that the world is not going to come looking for you, with a nice cushy life all wrapped up in a pretty package. Nothing good is ever going to happen to you unless you get off your ass and go make it happen.
You won’t get a job if you never apply for one. You won’t acquire any marketable skills sitting in front of the TV. You can do the things everyone else does. If you are willing to put in the effort.
At the moment, you’ve got a place to stay and food on the table–but not through your own efforts. You’re acting and living like a child. It’s time to grow up.
Start small–a temp job, something partime, whatever–anything that will get you out in the real world doing something useful. Emotionally you will feel about a thousand times better if you manage to achieve some degree of self sufficiency. Your mother is not going to live forever. She’s not going to be able to support you for the rest of her life, and she really shouldn’t have to do it.
Yeah, I know. Oak is harsh and mean. That’s probably true, but there is wisdom in my words. Time to man up.
How dare you say such things. 
Gee, you’re right. Telling someone “you have to start somewhere, it’s going to be hard but you have to” is exactly like saying “you’re a loser and I would kick you out and I feel sorry for your mother.”