Yeah, I suggested he volunteer. Did you miss that?
Society at large, and many parents, completely baby/enable minors these days. It’s not their fault that they’re overgrown children. The term “helicopter parent” is a relatively recent phenomenon. And again, this stuff isn’t a kid’s fault. There is such a world of difference in self-sufficiency between kids who are brought up by “tough love” parents vs “enabler” parents.
Didn’t catch that part. Yeah, that’s jerkish. Still think he might be having some mental issues though.
At some point the adult children have to take responsibility for their own lives, though, difficult though it is (and that’s the disconnect - parents think they’re helping their kids, but they’re actually making things much more difficult for them). I’d laugh in the face of a 50 year old who told me that they can’t get anywhere in life because their parents coddled them too much.
I agree with you. In my later post, I blame the parents. But at some point, the adult “kid” needs to realize, “wait a minute my parents maybe don’t know what’s best for me. perhaps I should be paying my own bills, doing my own laundry, and cooking my own meals.” If the kid continues to let his parents dominate him, he is on fast track to loser-ville.
Look, he’s admitted he doesn’t like his position and wants to change. Why do we have to yell at him for how he got there, or that he is there?
I agree that you should just go find some volunteer opportunities, PSXer. If you don’t need the money then you have the luxury of testing the waters in a bunch of potential career positions and possibly meet some like-minded individuals.
:dubious:
No, but you’re right, I should have responded to your entire post. I was trying to say that the same issues that are preventing him from getting a job are the same ones that are keeping him from doing ANYTHING, including volunteering. It is not an easy problem to overcome.
FWIW, I tried volunteering before I got a job and there weren’t that many opportunities around (it was a small town). Only one place called me back, which was a hospital, and the first question from the lady was “who is your probation officer?” I told her I was doing this out of my own free will but it kinda went downhill from there. :rolleyes:
If the OP isn’t just messing with us I think the best thing for him to do is to find a part-time job sacking groceries or something. That first paycheck and the feeling of having a real job would do him a world of good.
In a small town, things are pretty different from a bigger town. I’m not sure which arrangement PSXer is in. I was in Alpha Phi Omega (co-ed service fraternity) in my college days, in an enormous school in a hopping college town, and we did this kind of thing all the time. If he’s in a smaller town, it would be harder to find something. But if he lives in a neighborhood he could still volunteer to help an old lady with lawn mowing, or help someone move, or watch someone’s kids. Same principle.
Or it could be that joining a service organization when he goes back to college in the fall (like the one I was in, which I highly recommend) is a good idea.
I do not recommend a menial job to someone who is used to his kind of esoteric academic work. He’ll be bored as hell and resent the repetition and the shitty pay.
Shoot. I wasn’t even thinking about him being at university. There are tons of things to do there. He should be able to find volunteer work no problem. If not, he could join a club or something.
I made good bank in my college days working at a student job, because it was pretty much tax free. It wasn’t hard to get either. It was also set hours and they worked around my school schedule. You reading this, PSXer?
I do. He needs to chip in and help his mom.
What about tutoring? May not be much call for latin/greek tutors, but he could probably help someone pass entry level courses in those languages. Maybe there are other subjects he could tutor. English 101? History? Math?
If tutoring isn’t his thing, any major college is likely to have some sort of program for disadvantaged students. Might pick up some part time work helping those students somehow…taking or transcribing notes, proctoring tests for students that need extra time…stuff like that.
I have to say I’m absolutely shocked PSXer is college age.
because you thought I was older or younger than college age?
I have a hard time believing someone in college would make a “How do you get a Japanese girlfriend? My friend wants to know” thread unless you’re 12 years old, or trolling.
BTW chin up. Your mom is going to coddle your way through college, you will end up getting a much higher paying and more highly dignified job than myself, an also depressed person with a highly disfunctional family who kicked me out at 14 and 18. I know “There’s lots worse off than you” never helps, but seriously.
I am just lonely and fantasize about Asian girls
I wouldn’t fault you for either of those, and I don’t actually fault you for making that thread. It’s just surprising because posting like that comes from a very immature type of mindset. Nothing wrong with being lonely or liking asian girls.
Maybe you can segue your love of movies into more social activities, and start working on your anxiety/melancholy that way…what about a movie club at your college, or even start simpler: Go on craigslist and find some DVD collections for sale. Call the person up, try to be friendly and confident, ask them to come see their movies, and buy a few of them. While you are there, talk to this stranger about what types of movies you like, and what you like about his collection, and try to keep the conversation going smoothly. Don’t try to force yourself, just say what comes to mind regarding the movies. If your social skills are really non-existent, this could be a step in the right direction.
What are you willing to do to alleviate the problem, or are you just trying to vent some pressure on the boards so you can go back to hiding in mom’s house where there are no challenges? Be honest. I have been there in my early years of high school, and I wasn’t willing to make a change, so anyone giving me advice would’ve been a big waste of time. I just wanted to stop feeling that way, but I was too scared and lazy to do anything about it until I got sick of the life.
I certainly do want to change things, but also I enjoy staying home all day watching TV and going on the Internet. But also sometimes I feel very bad about it and want to change things. I know that I can’t go on like this forever and I have to change things so I don’t be a bum. I am torn between doing the easy thing and doing what I know will be better, but more difficult.
I think I talk about movies too much in social situations. It is one of the few things I know well and am comfortable talking about, so I would rather talk about movies I like than other things and try to steer the conversation that way. I need to be included in the conversation, so if other people are talking about a topic I have no interest in, I will have to try to change the topic so I can contribute. Also I think that by now everyone is tired of hearing me talk about Jurassic Park and Back to the Future. I don’t see new movies except rarely. Movie club would be a good idea, but it is a lot harder for me to join clubs at school (for my own anxiety, not for lack of clubs) than everyone says it is.
Okay, fair enough and it sounds like you are really being honest. I think it’s a good sign that you KNOW you talk too much about one subject, a lot of socially awkward people don’t realize they over-do their “go to” subject.
Would you say you have no other interests, or you just don’t know how to talk about them? Maybe part of the problem is, you are being sheltered by your mom who doesn’t force you to go out and try new things, and with the internet it is easier than ever to be insular and only focus on what you already know you like. But at the same time, with the internet it is easier to find NEW things to broaden your horizons as well.
Could you describe your anxiety about talking with people more? Do you find yourself scared to look stupid, or are you more scared to run out of things to say? I would recommend reading “How to win friends and influence people”, it was written a long time ago, but it is basically about the way human beings like being interacted with. To sum up the main things I took away from it, people like you to ask them questions about themselves, they like it when you give them attention, and they also like you being honest. Find something interesting about the other person, if they bring up something about themselves you don’t know a lot about, say “I’ve never done that, what’s the deal with that?” etc.
I think trying to learn about other people and other subjects than the hobbies you are already comfortable with to broaden your horizons might help you to connect with humans better. People tend to find people interesting when they have some depth to them, liking movies is not enough. Everyone likes movies.
I really hope you can find something that works for you to get out of your rut, good luck.
I couldn’t read this thread and not respond. Omar Little and Oakminster are both correct. Your OP contains the answers and you already know it. Get up, get moving, take charge of your life and stop with the negativity.
Really, man up, move out, and take risks. You need to get away from mommy, like yesterday. How the hell are you gonna get laid living like that?
As for Asian chicks, go talk to them. Imagine that.
I wish this was the Pit, where we could speak more honestly.
good thing this is not in the pit because I am too sensitive and cannot handle being criticized without crying.
Iunno, I do have other interests. I do talk about other things too, but I seem to have a lot of trouble talking to other people. And I have a lot of trouble initiating a conversation or finding things to talk about. Once I get started, it is fine and I can talk. I have trouble with reaching out to people and always wait for other people to talk to me first. I care very much what other people think of me and am always afraid of saying something wrong or looking like a fool.