Brian: My god! Is that Meg?!
Stewie: 36D, Brian. And you know what’s amazing? In this universe, she’s still one of the ugly ones. If you saw Lois, your penis would shoot right off your body… C’mon, I’ll show you around…
-Family Guy
A few:
[QUOTE=Witches Abroad]
Bad spelling can be lethal. For example, the greedy Seriph of Al-Yabi was cursed by a badly-educated deity and for some days everything he touched turned to Glod, which happened to be the name of a small dwarf from a mountain community hundreds of miles away who found himself magically dragged to the kingdom and relentlessly duplicated. Some two thousand Glods later the spell wore off. These days, the people of Al-Yabi are renowned for being remarkably short and bad-tempered.
[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=Brothers in Arms]
“I was trying to downplay it all. ‘Boys will be boys’ chuckles Admiral Naismith, while in the background his troops burn down London…”
[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=A Matter of Oaths]
“He’ll get control of the Guild over my dead body!”
Years later, she realized it had been the wrong thing to say about an immortal.
[/QUOTE]
“you’re shaking the caravan, Jeffrey”
“I’ve got the key to the gates of paradise; but I’ve got too many legs”
Susan: Some men were born lucky. Some men were born very lucky.
Sally: What was Patrick born?
Susan: A tripod.
From The Pink Panther Strikes Back
Mrs. Leverlilly: But that’s a priceless Steinway!
Inspector Clouseau: Not anymore…
Captain Jack Harkness: [Introducing the team] Gwen Cooper, Ianto Jones, Toshiko Sato, Owen Harper, meet…
Captain John Hart: Captain John Hart.
Captain Jack Harkness: We go back.
Captain John Hart: Excuse me, we more than go back; we were partners.
Ianto Jones: [Softly] In what way?
Captain John Hart: In every way, and then some.
Captain Jack Harkness: It was two weeks.
Captain John Hart: Except that two weeks was trapped in a time loop, so we were together for five years. It was like having a wife.
Captain Jack Harkness: You were the wife.
Captain John Hart: You were the wife.
Captain Jack Harkness: No, you were the wife.
Captain John Hart: Oh, but I was a good wife!
i hate the … eagles man
Saito: Do you know what will happen to me if the bridge is not built on time?
Nicholson: I haven’t the foggiest.
Saito: I’ll have to kill myself. What would you do if you were me?
Nicholson: I suppose if I were you, I’d have to kill myself. Cheers!
I think from the Mary Tyler Moore Show:
Guy at bar: “By the way, how old are you?”
Mary: “Almost 40.”
Guy gives Mary his phone number and leaves.
Rhoda: “I know for a fact you are 42!”
Mary: “That’s almost 40.”
“Then, in the name of the king, go and find some old man of less lore and more wisdom who keeps some in his house!” ----Gandalf, to the herb master of Minas Tirith, regarding athelas, ROTK.
This always stuck out in my mind because it was kind of a funny line, one of the few that I remember from LOTR since its such a serious book.
Master Shake: The Highlander was a documentary, and the events happened in real time!
Sparks: Oops, dart in your neck.
John: “Mother! He has a knife!”
Eleanor: “Of course Richard has a knife! He always has a knife! We all have knives! It’s 1183, and we’re barbarians!”
(The Lion in Winter)
“Fat guy in a liiiittle coat… Faaaat guuuuy in a liiiiitttllllee cooooaaaat…” ~Tommy, Tommy Boy
“You used to play alongside a car, and now you live in one!” ~ Piers Morgan at the Roast of David Hasselhoff. This one is all about the delivery, unfortunately I couldn’t find a good clip.
Guy 1: “I heard Jamal watched that tape a week ago, and today he woke up dead!”
Guy 2: “How in the hell you wake up dead?!”
Guy 1: “Because you’re alive when you go to sleep…” ~ Scary Movie 3
From the old Cosby Show spin off, Different World:
Dewayne, trying to impress girl:
“I just signed a great record deal with Columbia Records.”
Girl, impressed, “Really!”
Dewayne, “Yep, I’m getting 12 CD’s for only a penny.”
(Maybe these lines are showing my age, but back in the “old days” you would sign up for music CD’s and pay monthly, but get the first 12 CD’s for a penny…nevermind…you young’ins will never understand. It was funny at the time…)
Both paraphrased:
Stewie after being Home Alone and the family comes home: Lois! Peter! Chris! Dog! Brian!-- Family Guy
People don’t explode when sunlight hits them, I don’t give a fuck how crazy they are!-- From Dusk Till Dawn
They’re like sex, except I’m having them!
No worries. We’re all old. I’m almost 40.
Except the younger ones. But who cares about them.
Pierce (Chevy Chase) on Community: “Encarta it!”
Kramer: “I’m out.”
Also Kramer: “Is it a Titleist?”
Community:
Jeff - The Bar Association just suspended my license. Turns out my law degree was not legitimate.
Duncan - I thought you had a degree from Columbia.
Jeff - I do. Now I have to get one from America. And it can’t be an e-mail attachment.
“Shagga likes axes.”