RawkStah -- a word with you... (pitting myself)

OK, cool guy. What the fuck is wrong with you? I mean, apart from the apparent emotional retardation that has overtaken your life. Seriously.

Could a girl be any more blatant that she wants to get with you? Let’s look at the situation, shall we?

  1. You’ve been spending nearly days on end with her.
  2. She enjoys hanging out with you.
  3. You’ve had brilliant conversations about music, art, photography, relationships, sex, religion and gossip.
  4. She offered you gum.
  5. She suggested you go back to her house because NO ONE WOULD BE THERE.
  6. Did you see the looks she was giving you?

Listen up, dipshit – this girl digs you. I know you dig her, since I am you, and have read your secret blog entries, apart from having to hear all your dumbass thoughts on the subject. You sir, are retarded for this girl. No no no – don’t try to deny it. You’ve had this crush for weeks.

So what if you’ve known her for more than a decade, and “don’t want to make things weird.” Take a fucking chance, because, like it or not, time is running out. You will wind up in the friend zone before you know it, and your chance to date, or at least make out with, a hot, smart, witty REDHEAD with GLASSES will be gone. Window closed.

Stupid shit. And you listen to Belle and Sebastian. Seriously. Pussy.

Dude, are you just talking to yourself, or are you answering now too?

She offered you gum? Is this some kind of ritual gum-courtship tradition to which I’m not privy?