No, we never kissed. Not quite. Not that we didn’t want to, of course, but we just had so much going on, you with your writing and me selling plasma to keep my third nipple. The tension between us was palpable. If only, you know. If only.
Oh yes, the tension most definitely was palpable; I palped it once or twice myself, which left quite a mess, but nothing miracle cleaner didi-seven couldn’t take care of. But the fact remains… no kissing. BTW, Visa never did reposess your third nipple, did they?
Welcome back, JOEY! Though I have never had what is clearly the supreme honor of meeting you, I may have (long distance) bought you an alcoholic beverage at a moose-signing event, depending on which Dopefest that refers to.
In any event, you are an amusing little Michigander, and therefore you should stay and further promise never to leave again, never never, no, not ever.
The women of the Straight Dope can now come out of mourning: JOEY HEMLOCK has returned!
Awwww, when you’re all sweet like that, it makes me think of how much I like you. Well except for your hatred of cilantro. I know the Cilantro Cartel killed your Uncle Jake, but don’t blame the herb, man. Cilantro doesn’t kill people… Columbians kill people.
Jack Black wishes he was Joey Hemlock.
Let it be known: I did on this day receive a postcard from one Joey Hemlock and it was good. Ooonst, I say, and ooonst I say again. Thrice oonst.
Didn’t you star in a movie called The Tao of Steve?
Regrettably I must be a voice of dissent, and warn people against Joey Hemlock, specifically because of his irrational desire to punch me in the throat. It is for that reason alone that I have taken out a restraining order, preventing him from coming within 30 yards of me or posting in the same thread once I post.
But, since this is his honorary welcome back thread, I withdraw that last condition. Mostly because he’ll threaten to punch me in the throat.
Hi Joeybear.
JoeyHemlock, the man that makes me laugh, even when I’m not looking at him.
THAT WAS YOU? In the bowtie, giant diaper, and diving fins? That’s like my favorite issue ever! Was that REALLY Dennis Rodman with his hands over your nipples, or did they do that digitally somehow?
Uh oh. That’s going to make some of the fantasies I have about you a LOT creepier. And they were kinda creepy to begin with.
JoeyHemlock truly is a gentleman (but not too much so, oh, never) and a scholar (but not too much so, oh, never). He is our light in darkness and our leader in times of trouble. He has only good words for everyone, except people who are really bad like Hitler or Stalin or whoever the evil person is on “Survivor” this time.
Like Jiminy Cricket, he will never steer you wrong. Let JoeyHemlock be your guide!
[sub]Brought to you by the “JoeyHemlock Should Never Leave Dopers in the Dark Again” Coalition.[/sub]
Once again, you’ve shown yourself to be a man of discriminating taste. It kinda makes me wonder how all those rumors about you got started.
Up yours, butt munch! I’m calling a fatwa on you! FATWA on lno: I called it!
Nose? He sucked on my arm. Even after I drank some of his tequila.
Damn DopeFests. I always end up with someone’s saliva on me…
If you find a furlong-to-inches calculator and re-read my OP, you’ll find that “little” is not an adjective that describes me.
And THANKS FOR THE BOOOOZE! at DTF! It was tasty. I smuggled a Dos Equis out of the restaurant because I was going to give it to someone needy, but then there were TWO needy guys who wanted it, so I had 'em fistfight for it. I ended up drinking it myself because the guy who lost just went down TOO easily, and I smelled a fix. Plus, what’s a fight without a beer? So, like I said, it was tasty.
No, that was Donal Logue. The Internet Movie Database is your friend. I do, however, have many Steve-like (Stevesque?) qualities. In fact, if I smoked pot and got laid, I’d be just like that guy.
So true. Actually, though, it doesn’t look like he’s going to get the honor. His bid was just a little too low. The current forerunner to be me is MC Hammer. If his bid holds up, then he gets to be me. If not, then Manuel Noriega gets a shot, then Greta van Sustern.
What I hate about her is the way she says “poetry.” “Poey-tree,” she says. Drives me bugnuts.
Welcome back Joey! I remember you. Please see sig for information on who the heck I am.
Hrmm …
I think we can all figure out what Joey’s real problem with Andie MacDowell is. Turned you down flat, didn’t she?
After she sang the pie song in Michael, I no longer wanted to eat pie for years. Bitch gotta pay for that, yo!