Real headlines related to trump and his enablers that sound like made-up 'The Onion'-style joke headlines

Margaret Cho publicly ripped Cain a new one for that, and good for her.

Back to headlines, I like this one. It sounds like Putin is just oozing patronizing sarcasm: “good job, Mr. American President! You almost seem statesmanlike. Keep it up and I’m sure you are guaranteed to win the Nobel Peace Prize!”.