Really Horrible Experimental Flavors

Cafe Society
1

So, I ended up having to run to the gas station over my lunch break. I was wandering the aisles, looking for the soda I needed to get, when, lo, but my eyes alight on something awe-inspiring:

Bacon, Egg and Cheese Combos.

Now, Combos are kind of a guilty pleasure food for me. I don’t really like them. I hardly ever have them. I hadn’t for years, and, when I tried them lately, it was the salsa tortilla one, which really wasn’t horrific. But when I was a kid and young teenager. . .man, but I loved those little fuckers.

I also like bacon, egg and cheese sandwiches. Especially the ones from Panera. Yum. So. . .I kind of figure I’m honor-bound to buy this product.

I open it, and I immediately regret my decision. Oh. My. God. The stench. It smells like vomit. Like smokey, rancid vomit.

So, of course, I try one.

It tastes of grease and salt. That’s about all I can say. Very bland. And I can’t help but wonder. . .who the HELL thought this was a good idea? I mean, seriously. Bacon? Sure. Cheese? Yay! Egg?

Who wants an EGG flavored snack? Yucko.

Anyone else try these, or have a similarly bleh experience?

2

BLoody Mary flavored Jelly Bellies

3

Ginger flavored Altoids. Are they still in production? Pretty sure I haven’t seen any around lately.

4

Anything that is white and requires you to guess the flavor. Nothing in this genre of sugary snacks has ever tasted remotely like anything I would be able to identify.

…unless all artificially flavored candies would be totally unidentifiable and icky without a color to sway us towards whatever it claims to be. Hm…

5

One day I’m going to make mushroom ice cream.

6

Everyone at work is still pissed at me for making them try Mountain-Dew-flavored Doritos (posted about that here a few weeks ago).

And, it’s not really experimental since it seems to be a common flavor combination in Mexico, but my friends and I all are disgusted by Rockaleta, a chile-powder flavored sucker manufactured by PepsiCo. Disgusted enough that we keep buying it, making others eat them, and we have begun distributing it to family and friends at holidays.

7

I sort of want to try this.

But I dunno…

8

They seem to be okay in Australia.

How would Honey Glazed Ham Potato Chips go over in North America?

9

Speaking of Doritos, I recently stopped into my local deli to get a sammich. And no sammich is complete without a $0.50 bag of Doritos, right? But they were out of my favorite Cool Ranch Doritos. Surely they had the ever-present backup, classic Nacho Cheese Doritos? Nope. All they had left was “Spicy Sweet Chili.”

Let me tell you something about Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos. First, it comes in a purple bag. Cool Ranch comes a nice, soothing blue bag. Because they’re cool, get it? And classic Doritos come in orange, to reflect the fake ultra-orange “cheese” flavored stuff they’re made from. What the hell does purple mean? I’m pretty sure it means “this is the color of swollen donkey balls, because that’s what these Doritos are made out of.”

Well fuck that noise. I ate one of these things and nearly lost my lunch. Holy Jimi Hendrix On A Bicycle, those things are narsty.

Doesn’t Frito-Lay hire people to actually taste things before they sell them? Yeesh.

10

Have you ever watched Iron Chef? You’re WAY behind the curve on that one…

11

Seen recently at a convenience store: “Burger King Ketchup & Fries” and “Burger King Flame-Broiled Burger” flavored potato chips.

YYYYep.

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I have seen some strange ice creams on TV, yeah. But it’s not the same unless you get to eat 'em.

13

EwEwEw! Those are in our vending machine at work. I never harbored half a thought that they might be good…

14

I’ve eaten “Steak and Grilled Onion” potato chips. That was exactly what they tasted like. Oddly enough, the Onion newspaper later wrote about these chips, finding it creepy how authentic they tasted.

Asian grocery stores often have soft drinks in flavors that would be quite unusual in American culture. I could not finish the artichoke soda.

15

Do yourself a f(l)avor. Make Marsala wine ice cream and just imagine the mushrooms.

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Mountain Dew flavored Doritos.

Aka: The Quest.

17

Sez you; I like them. They remind me of the Szechuan “barbeque” flavored “semi Pringles” things* that were LIKE CRACK TO ME but I thankfully can’t find anymore.
Where it’s a poofy bag of thin crispy rice chips strongly flavored. I think there’s parmesan and garlic and some sundried tomato one or whatever.

18

Some places have them; usually not the regular stores, but, like, Trader Joe’s and Cost Plus World Market.

Personally, I liked the chocolate-covered ginger Altoids. OMG, to die for. . .

19

I once drank pine-flavored beer. The barmaid warned me that it was flavored wth pine, and I still bought it. Not a wise choice.

20

Ketchup flavoured chips (minus the Burger King addition) have been standardly available in Canada for decades. We do have a wide variety of flavours of potato chips here, including even flavours such as roasted chicken, pizza or curry. Chip flavours that I remember from one summer as a child that did not last were fruit flavours. Yep, grape potato chips. They were even covered in a purple dusty-like coating. They tasted about as awful as you might imagine.