I had assumed that someone would have posted this one long before now, but apparently not. It is my favorite.
The sun visors that you put in your windshield to keep your car from becoming too hot during the summer all have the same warning; “Warning, do not attempt to drive with this sun visor in place. Remove it from your windshield before driving.”
I found an empty parking lot and attempted to drive with a couple in place. Outside of reverse or sticking my head out the window ala Ace Ventura, I couldn’t do it.
Hmm, think I’m going to have to switch to Crown Royal!
Warning label on “Febreze”: Do not spray directly towards face.
Guess that means indirect spraying’s okay! Will have to e-mail my Swedish pen pal to see if he can send me a scan of that chainsaw warning!!
“That’s so stupid. This bottle of fizzy water’s got a warning on it, ‘Open by hand’. How else would you open it?”
“Oh, there’s a reason for that. They’ve found people are using their teeth to twist the caps off while they’re driving… and, of course, the water gets all shaken up and sprays everywhere, and that can cause an accident…”
“Oh” (Pause) “Yes… it could short out their cellphone, couldn’t it?”
Claymore anti-personnel mines actually have “Do not eat” and “This side toward enemy” stamped on them. (Be all that you cn be…)
The Red River Gorge pamphlet has a “Cliffline Safety” heading…
[ul]
[li]Avoid camping near the edge of cliffs. You may be closer to the edge than you realize.[/li][li]Alcohol and cliffs don’t mix! If you drink, avoid getting close to cliffs.[/li][/ul]
A ginsu knife warning label:
** Warning - Keep Out of Children!**
Really?!?! Gee, I’d have never been clever enough to guess that on my own! Wha!
And this is not really a warning label, but it IS
in my local phonebook (and i have a photo to prove it)
And it should definately serve as a warning, of some sort.
Under “Hairstylists” you will find boldly and clearly marked a fair sized ad which reads:
:eek: *** Mad Hacker Hair Design*** :eek:
i recently got an email about this, and it listed how a scad of people somehow managed to sue someone else as a result of a loved ones death.
In conclusion, it said…
“So when my ass is found dead in front of this computer - somebody, had better sue Bill Gates.”
There is no warning label regarding death by computer addiction, or death by sleep deprivation, resulting from computer addiction, or even death by walking outside and being hit by a speeding truck as a result of being too delerious to see, as a result of sleep deprivation caused by computer addiction.
So - since there is no warning label on my computer…
if someone doesn’t hear from me by 12:00 noon today - after I take a little walk down the street to buy more Mt Dew, Someone please justify, avenge and benefit financially from my death, by suing his ass.
Ty
The “may contain nuts” messages are not so silly as they may seem.
While certain foods that do not normally contain nuts, such as 6-pack cheese crackers, contain such warnings, it makes sense because the equipment that packages nut-containing foods, such as peanut-butter cheese crackers, may later process something like cheddar and wheat crackers. A person with nut allergies may have a reaction from any trace products in the food.
Well, I sort of hoped someone else would post this, but - the instructions for Tampax tampons (and I just checked the ones enclosed with my current box, so I know I’m remembering this correctly) say:
FOR MENSTRUAL USE ONLY
This astounds me. What other possible uses did the manufacturer consider?
Are they trying to warn me against inserting tampons during a non-period time, just for fun? Let’s face it, when this is the top of your ‘recreational activities’ list, you need more help than a simple warning - or even a full sheet of instructions - can possibly supply.
Or are they trying to warn me against entirely non-vaginal uses of this product? Like, say, using a tampon if I get a bloody nose? Or to blot up spilled milk?
I am at a loss, and have been since I first noticed this warning.
Cashews aren’t technically nuts. I bet the cashews are processed in a facility that does use true nuts and they are warning people with allergies to true nuts.
