Okay, babe, I’ll just sit quietly by the email, waiting for you to ring. Give someone else a chance to flirt with you, anyway. 
How the HELL did I get dragged into this? (Not that I don’t love you, Crunchy. :))
A long time ago, Satan was dating a flake, er… girl. He brought her here, and she acted like a nut.
They later broke up.
I will tell you what I told him: Whew! At least you didnt knock her up!
I may sound heartless, but even if its painful now, you will look back and realize she was a wingnut, and although I dont really know you very well, I think you can do better.
Take care.
Oh, Crunch, how could any woman let you get away? If only you weren’t going to heaven and I to hell . . .
sigh
<getting in the line to hug Crunchy and give him a gratutitous butt grab instead of sympathy>
Breaking off an engagement is SO much cheaper than the subsequent divorce! My advice? Have a bachelor party! I had one two days after D Day, and had a blast! No, not strippers and all, just all my friends who were divorced, married and thinking of divorce, happily married, widowed, or single. I had two dates from that party! For the looks of these replies, you could do MUCH better.
You’re sweet. You know this is now TWO failed engagements for me. And so how do you figure I’m going to heaven? I haven’t been a good boy you know…
And Tequila Mockingbird, sorry for jumping up against you like that, but when you squeezed my butt, I wasn’t expecting you to put your finger there.
Damn, UB - you've been going to bachelor parties since 1944? I thought *I* was old....Oh Frog of the Crunchy variety…
Of course I put my finger there…why do you think I went
after your butt??
And lets see here… You stretched out her panties? Of course she’s upset. You may look like quite a stud but from what I hear, you are hung like a cubscout. When I told ya to put a potato in your panties, I didn’t mean the whole bag! As far as the cat… That one is NOT your fault. Hey, next time a girl asks you to shave her pussy, ask her to be more specific. (hey, I can’t blame you man, that cat was the best f*ck I ever had) And next time you try anal sex, remember, it’s considered bad form to ignite the flatulence that follows…(it wasn’t the chafing, it was the flashburns) And about the phone…Does this mean you are good at phonesex? Just curious
Gonna spank me now? <wink>
Hey, TM, cut him a break - he's improving. Last time he put the potato in the back....Tequila Mockingbird…
Tequila…
Teq…
{b]T**…
Sweetie, I know I said I didn’t want sympathy posts but outright mocking of me is not what I had in mind. 
Hung like a cubscout? 
And as for the phone sex thing, have you clicked on the second link in my sig? Apparently, I have the voice for it. 
And yes, you can most assuredly expect a right good spanking if I ever meet up with you at a Dopefest or anything.
Moi?? Mock you? I most certainly stated that the cat was NOT your fault!!!
Besides… I figured you had enough adoration in here… had to set myself apart
I tried phone sex once, but the visit to the emergency room to get it removed, is not something I want to repeat.
You spank me… I’ll bring my strap on, but no candles nearby
Ah, little newbie, apparently you don’t realize that I’m an egoslut[sup]TM[/sup] and I can never have enough adoration.
My most humble apologies. I am now properly chastised, or rather will be if you keep your promises. Now I’m in a moral dilemma… do I openly adore you, or just go back to stalking you and peeping in your window at night?
You’re only allowed to peep in my window if you promise to come inside if I see you out there.
Um, far be it from me to break up a flirty thread but if you’ve still got my number, Crunchy, feel free to use it. If you don’t have it but want to call anyway, just e-mail. While I do think you’re better off, I also know from experience that it isn’t all fun and games when this happens.
::pinching Crunchy’s butt::
But I’m here if you need me!
I meant to post to this before all the flirting got out of hand, but, well, nobody is really that quick!
Anyhow, I wish I could take the credit for thinking this up, but a buddy of mine did it for me all those years ago: you should have a Ding, dong, the Bitch is gone party.
Like a bachelor party, but you trash your now-ex. You don’t really feel any better in the morning, but man it feels good to get some of the bile out of your system that night!
That’s what I did when I split with my first ex, but there’s no bile to let out of my system this time. It was a mutual agreement. We still talk and hang out, I’m still going to be there for her if she has any more trouble with breast cancer (which is now in remission), and I’m still going to help her get her GED.
I know many of you think poorly of her from her behavior on the boards, but that’s not her. Well, that’s not her sober at any rate, which she has been for 5 or 6 months now. She’s really just a sweet confused girl who needs to get some stuff straightened out for herself before getting into a serious relationship.
And evilbeth, I would call, but I don’t get home from work anymore till about 12:30am central time. IIRC, you’re an hour ahead of me, and I don’t know how late I can make calls there.
[sub][cover my ass][/sub]
Actually, I had no idea she was a poster and I meant no personal insult to anyone.[sub][/cover my ass][/sub] I just know how I felt after comiong home to a ring and a note. Glad to hear you’re doing good though, both of you.
Oh damn, well that deserves a Ding, dong, the Bitch is gone party!
We did that the first time I borke up with a fiance, the now-infamous Jennifer. She lived with her mother and son before moving in with me. After about a year and a half of us living together, she said she wanted some time alone, just her and the boy. That made sense to me, because with her mother around Jennifer never had time to really form a good nother-son bound with him. So I talked with my parents and agreed to move out for a month so they can have some time alone.
I was out of the apartment for 3 days when I got the phone call explaining how she thinks she should see other people. Two weeks later, another guy had moved into the apartment.
I never got all my stuff back.
And while I’m speaking fo the Bitch, my friend Tim (who took me out the night she dumped the news on me) is a stand-up comedian. He was performing at a place downtown called Laugh Tracks and ran into Jennifer over the weekend. According to my friend Dave (who called me up because he thought I’d appreicate this story) Tim was going to be friendly, but she copped an attitude with him and just as he was about to leave her she said, in a very uppity bitchlike sort of way, “You should lose the moustache - it’s crooked.” To which Tim replied, “Well so are your tits but I was nice enough not to say anything about it.”
Nothing like having good friends to toss the ex a zinger in your absence.