Rebuilding trust

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Hi there! This is my first thread on SDMB so I’ll apologise for any conventions that a newbie has blundered over.

The question relates to a situation a colleague has just found himself in. A highly intelligent man, a humanitarian and a very good friend, which is why he’s my son’s Godfather.

If you bear with me, I’ll paint the background. Godfather has three daughters, the oldest is 7yo. She is intelligent, musically talented and what might be called highly strung. Is capable of throwing tantrums that rage for several hours (we term it throwing a wobbly in Oz.)

A few months back, there was a report from school that she’d formed a club and stipulated that outsiders who wished to joining needed to bring either knives or poison. I don’t know, and doubt, whether it was anything more than talk.

A couple of days ago Godfather was playing a computer mathematical game with 7yo and 5yo. 5yo won and picked a the “prize”. He missed the cue that the 7yo was cheesed off that her 5yo sister had beaten her. Presumably thought Godfather was favouring her sibling.

The next morning 7yo was still holding the grudge. There was a “you don’t love me” argument in the car outside the school. 7yo stormed out of the car with a torrent of abuse and went to see the Headmistress and accused Godfather of sexual abuse.

In Victoria, such allegations are treated seriously (as they should be)and the child protection bureau is immediately called in investigate. Godfather was aghast, mortified and remains so, though the investigation found no basis for the allegations.

Now this may turn out to be a once-off, or it might be the start of a real break-down in trust between father and daughter. Potentially it could poison the whole family unit. How do you rebuild that trust?

I’ve got three kids myself, the oldest being 4yo. So I could be facing the same prospect myself one day. A situation I don’t know how, or even if I could handle.

Would anybody out there be prepared to offer their comments on how they’d respond in this situation?

2

wow.
well, you already state that you agree that the authorities have to take these things seriously. You also state that you fear you, too will have to face this. Rubbish.

What you have described does NOT happen very often. Your description of your friend’s child is, IMHO, a child who displayed for a very long time, signs of serious disturbance. Talk of poison and weapons by a 7 year old is not normal. hour long rants/rages/temper tantrums at that age is NOT normal.

That child needs help, a lot of it. rebuilding trust would be lower on my list of concerns at the moment.

two cases are possible:

  1. her allegations are true (even if you believe your friend and evidence was not forthcoming). In that case, the child needs alot of help.

  2. her allegations are not true. In that case, she maliciously told an absolute lie in order to get her father in trouble for a percieved wrong. that’s one sick little girl to have developed and implimented such a plan. Kids don’t usually hold grudges. and Home Alone movies aside, most kids that age are not capable of the planning necessary to achieve this one (my sister won the game, I’m mad at her, daddy’s proud of her and therefore doesn’t love me anymore, therefore I must hurt daddy, I’ll go tell the teacher that he did a really bad thing and then he’ll get into trouble…). She may not, and probably did NOT know how serious the trouble would be, but still.

Advise your friend to get the child some professional help. and in the meantime, he should NOT be alone with this kid. Like I said, either he’s doing it or she’s capable of some really twisted lies.

3

A question of this nature is likely to get a better response in our forum MPSIMS. I’ll move the thread there for you.

Good luck.

4

The father should not be alone? How about the 5-year old? Who knows if and when this 7-year old is going to decide to stab, poison, or drown her sister because of some trivial thing? This child needs Antipsychotics, and fast!

Even still, I don’t know if I would ever truly trust a child that did this.

5

sorry I wasn’t clear. Yes, the older child should not be left alone with younger siblings etc. for potential danger factors as is noted. What I meant about the dad not being alone with the kid is to protect himself from further accusations. Let’s face it, she succeeded wonderfully (in her eyes) the first time.