I would totally watch this.
Vincent Price as Johnny in The Wild One
Veta Louise Simmons: Jennifer Tilly
Orderly Wilson: Pauly Shore
Nurse Kelly: Robin Williams (in drag)
Dr. Sanderson: Arnold Schwartzenegger
Dr. Chumley: Jean Claude Van Damme
Myrtle Mae: Shelly Duvall
The Lion King, with
Nicholas Cage as Simba
Halle Berry as Nala
Tom Hanks as Scar
Elijah Wood as Puumba
Denzel Washington as Timon
Arnold Schwarzenegger as the Three Hyenas
Will Ferrell as both Mufasa and Rafiki (the scriptwriters cut a few corners)
And yes, this would all be live action. Or puppets!
Casablanca:
David Soul as Rick Blaine
Hector Elizondo as Captain Louis Renault
Reuven Bar-Yotam as Ferrari
Ray Liotta as Sacha
Scatman Crothers as Sam
Patrick Horgan as Major Heinrick Strasser
Ooops. Too late. 
And the ways Casino Royale can be screwed up are legion.
Nitpick: Never Say Never Again is actually a remake of Thunderball.
Stranger
LOTR trilogy featuring;
Nicolas Cage as Aragon
Jerry Stiller as Gandalf
Christopher Walken as Saruman
Gilbert Godfried as Gimli
Fabio as Legolas
Paris Hilton as Eowyn
Fran Drescher as Arwen
French Stewart as Frodo
James Van der Beek as Merry
Justin Timberlake as Pippin
Reese Witherspoon as Galadriel
Jack Black as Samwise
David Duchovny as Boramir
Steven Seagal as Faramir
Abe Vigoda as Theoden
Really? I thought only CR had fallen through the cracks of Cubby Broccoli’s grasp. Never saw it, though. I prefer believing James Bond was killed by Jill St John’s ass cleavage shortly after “Diamonds Are Forever.”
Hey, do not blame the Scatman for that. It’s not his fault. In fact, with Peter Falk and Louise Fletcher in the lead roles, it could totally work.
There is actually a very interesting story behind the rights to Thunderball, only it is actually tragically uninteresting to everybody except me.
Stranger
If it is anywhere that geekish my ADD will tune it out, but others will have the staying power I lack. IOW, dish!
ETA: And note that I’m pissed a carbon cell battery leaked on my James Bond collector cards and Rayovac only warranted leakage on a $2 flashlight, not a card collection that would be worth hundreds sometime in the future.
this is possibly the funniest post …ever
Ha!
If you make it, they will come. Or at least I would.
10-Q veddy much.
.
Near the end of his writing career, Fleming was offered the opportunity to develop a feature picture using the James Bond character. To this end, he collaborated with Jack Whittingham and Kevin McClory to develop a new story treatment and screenplay involving James Bond, Agent 007 in Her Majesty’s Secret [Intelligence] Service. This screenplay introduced new characters and the international crime/terrorist organization known as SPECTRE. However, as with many Hollywood development projects, this got jammed up on a number of fronts, including casting, budgeting, and story rights. Fleming went ahead and adapted the screenplay directly into a novel, technically making Thunderball the first novel adaptation of a Bond movie. As a result, the first Bond film made was an adaptation of Dr. No, which was cheaper to film (even by the standards of the day) and didn’t involve any proprietary interests. The adaptation modified the story somewhat, changing the organization that Dr. Julian No worked for from the KGB to SPECTRE (many later films did the same) but retaining many of the original story aspects (whereas later adaptations often diverged wildly from the source material, often merely taking the title, names, and a locale or two).
However, Whittinham and McClory claimed rights to the character of Blofeld, the SPECTRE organization, and the basic storyline of Thunderball as element that he developed. In 1976, after a protracted court battle, McClory was granted an injunction against EON Productions and Danjaq (the producers of the Bond film franchise) against future use of these elements without license, and the rights to remake the story of Thunderball, which he did (disappointingly) in the 1983 film Never Say Never Again. He also persuaded the clearly aging Sean Connery to reprise his role, demonstrating that his weak performance as Bond in Diamonds Are Forever was not an anomaly.
The outcome of the injunction can be seen in The Spy Who Loved Me, which was essentially a remake of You Only Live Twice with shipping tycoon Stromberg in place of Ernst Stravo Blofeld. (Rumor has it that an early draft of the screenplay has “Blofeld” scratched out and “Stromberg” penciled in.) The last gasp of this conflict can be seen in the cold open teaser of For Your Eyes Only, where Bond, visiting his wife’s graveside (she was killed by Blodfeld and a henchman at the end of On Her Majesty’s Secret Service) is tricked into climbing aboard a remotely-controlled helicopter piloted by a handicapped bald man in a tan Mandarin collar suit and a long-haired white cat on his lap–clearly intimated to be Blofeld, though not credited as such. Bond dispatches the villain before the opening credits, indicating to those who knew the backstory that for EON, “Blofeld is dead to us.”
The current reimaging of the Bond franchise has clearly retooled SPECTRE in all but name in their Quantum organization (implied in Casino Royale, called out explicitly in Quantum of Solace) as a secretive conspiracy which seeks to materially profit by sowing discord and supporting terror and unrest. Rumor has it that the as-yet unnamed next film will have Bond systematically dismantling the Quantum organization, coming into conflict with the tendrils that reach to the halls of power.
Can you tell I’m a bit of a Bond nerd?
Stranger
Yes, and you are ruining one of the funniest threads of all time.
Koufax
Go piss up a rope.
Stranger
Although SPECTRE were the bad guys in the first movie, SMERSH were the bad guys in the first novel, Casino Royale. SMERSH’s treasurer and main bad guy was Auric Goldfinger, possibly the only supervillain to have been based on a real life architect.
Talking of Architects, I’d give The Draughtman’s Contract a do over (music by Britney Spears)
Dr. Zhivago
Dr. Z: Jerry Lewis (“nice ladyyyyy!”)
Lara: Jennifer Tilly (babytalk voice intact)
9 1/2 WEEKS
Drew Carey
Shelly Duvall
Lord of the rings, the Lorne Michaels version, featuring 20 years of SNL alumni.
shudder