“Grandma Isn’tReallyAsleep” by Rigor Mortis
You should tell the truth, expose the lies and live in the moment."-Bill Hicks
“You should tell the lies, live the truth and expose yourself.” - Bill Clinton
Fun With Lighters.
It’s not original, but Herbert the Pervert Likes Sherbert is one of the more memorable titles I’ve come across.
``You’re just an empty cage girl if you kill the bird.’’ – Tori Amos.
101 Neat Things To Make Out of Broken Glass.
This list is indeed from the Washington Post Style Invitational. I remember very well when it appeared, perhaps about three years ago. The Style Invitational has run in the Post since about 1991, although it took a hiatus for nine months last year while the editor who runs it (Gene Weingarten) was assigned to something else.
I’ve been to one of those panels at science fiction conventions where the editor on the panel talked about the book “The Potato Chip Who Found Jesus”.
Razor Blades: Not Just for Breakfast Anymore
Sala, can’t you count?!? I said NO camels! That’s FIVE camels!
I’ll Screw You, Pikachu!: Ash Discovers Bestiality
Nothing’s Illegal Unless You Get Caught
Determining the Tensile Strength of Small Animals and Other Awesome Science Experiments
Beavis & Butt-Head’s Guide to Good Behavior
Interstate Baseball and Other Fun Outdoor Activities
Harry Potter’s Personal Relationship With Satan
That Lady Has No Clothes On: A Kid’s Guide to the Internet
Tons of Fun With Daddy’s Gun
Here’s a list I found at www.laughpage.com/archive (the page is written such that I can’t link to the list itself)
Banned Children’s Books
Dad’s New Wife Timothy
Pop! Goes The Hamster…And Other Great Microwave Games
Maybe Dick
The Boy Who Ate Spinach…And Lived To Tell About It
How to Become The Dominant Military Power In Your Elementary School
Safe Sex And The Zip-Lock bag
Testing Homemade Parachutes With Nothing At All But Your Household Pets
Egghead - And Other Things Mrs. Dumpty Gave Humpty
The Complete Set Of “Mother Got Goosed” Nursery Rhymes
Those Great Childhood Fragrances…Apple Pie, Cotton Candy And Bicycle Seats
Bob the Germ’s Wonderous Journey Into and Back Out of Your Digestive System.
The Little Engine that Could Becomes Intoxicated and Kills Civillians.
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer’s Games of Revenge.
Peter Rabbit’s Frisky Adventures.
Dick, Jane, and Spot Wander into The ‘Hood’.
Clifford the Big Red Dog Accidently Eats his Master and is Put to Sleep.
The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad.
The Tickling Babysitter
Charles Manson Bedtime Stories.
Daddy Loses His Job and Finds the Bottle.
Babar Meets the Taxedermist.
Controlling the playground: Respect through Fear.
David Duke’s World of Imagination.
Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence.
The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables.
Start a Real-Estate Empire with the change from your Mom’s Purse.
The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy.
Things Rich Kids Have, but you never will.
Let’s Draw Betty and Veronica without their clothes on.
The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and are Shot Dead.
Life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think.
I once read off a list of these to my Lit teacher. She was pregnant. She thought it was funny.
I sold my soul to Satan for a dollar. I got it in the mail.
“Free Stuff From the Store! That’s What Pockets are For!”
“Who Will Mommy Bring Home Tonight?”
“Stay Away from That Bald Kid (He’s Going to Die)”
“Bookmaking for Little League”
“NEW Fundraisers for Your Girl Scout Troop”
“Always Obey Mr. Policeman (Or He’ll Shoot You)”
“How Long Can You Hold Your Breath?”
Fighting: the Underrated Solution to Life’s Problems
Smoke Your Way to Popularity
Life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think.
Fun With Shaving Cream and Other Halloween Activities
Curious George and the Tank
Power Tools: the Best Toys Ever Invented
Life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think.
From The “Late Night with David Letterman” Book of Top Ten Lists:
Top Ten Children’s Books Not Recommended by the National Library Association
-
Curious George and the High Voltage Fence
-
The Boy Who Died from Eating All his Vegetables
-
Legends of Scab Football
-
- Teddy: the Elf with a Detached Retina*
-
Tommy Tune: Boy Choreographer
-
Joe Garagiola Tells Favorite Fairy Tales but Can’t Remember the Endings to All of Them
-
Ed Beckley’s Start a Real Estate Empire with Change from Mom’s Purse
-
Things Rich Kids Have That YOu Never Will
-
Let’s Draw Betty and Veronica with Their Clothes Off
-
The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and Are Shot Dead
The book is copyrighted 1990, so the original list would’ve aired prior to that. Is that the earliest sighting/citing? There were several “More Of…” lists that were similar, but for my money, the “Top 10 Least Knwn Norman Rockwell Paintings.” is funniest of them all!
“That basketball, was like a basketball to me!”
I’m surprised nodody mentioned “The Grinch’s Ten Inches”
Life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think.
Tried-and-True Methods of Vegetable Disposal
Adventures in the Medicine Cabinet
Life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think.
Thanks again for all of these. I’ll keep checking from time to time. Let’s see if I can come up with some more:
Monica Lewinski: An American Legend
The Little Engine that Could, Does
Minnie Mouse Fails the Breathalyzer
Mirrors on your Shoes, and Other Neat Games
Balls-Out!
How to Run Amok Bigtime
The Little Children’s Book Editor who Turned Down the Wrong Submission and Got Cut Real Bad
http://www.xvt.com/users/kevink/storytime/george/ is the story of Curious George and the High Voltage Power Lines.
Here is the first pic.
http://www.xvt.com/users/kevink/storytime/george/cg1.jpg
I hope my ubb code worked. Since then, I threaten to stuff my cat in a “funny monkey pose” when he is bad.
HUGS!
Sqrl
On “The Simpsons” last night I saw that one of Bart’s favorite childhood bedtime stories was “Curious George and the Ebola Virus.”
One of several lists I found on the web:
Esprix
Ask the Gay Guy! (or, if you prefer the Jesusfied version, Asketh the damn Priest Guy!)
“Never assume a malicious intent when stupidity will explain just as well.”
{This space reserved for a Genuine WallyM7 Sig™}
Horton Hires a Whore is available on that webpage that I linked. I wonder if anyone ever reads those things?
A perplexed Sqrl
The Young Chemist’s Guide to Crystal Meth