Like it or not, what you depict is classified as a mental illness in most parts of the world. Whether or not that is true, you clearly have issues with it yourself if you feel guilty over such urges.
Do you think about beating the shit out of her and pissing in her face? Because that could indicate a problem.
Or you could just find someone that’s like you. Regardless, she deserves to know. Not telling her is BS. It’s really fucking shitty.
Arnold, is that you?
THAT is where you are fucked up. Not the form your sexual desires take, but the fact that you can’t reconcile love and lust. The fact that you have this courtly love fantasy that is totally divorced from the physical. I would strongly suggest therapy to help you bring these two facets of human existence together before you trifle with the affections of any other woman, kinky or not.
How does one know when they have reached that all important stage in the relationship when it’s ok to poo on each other?
Ok, I’m going to try to explain where I think you’re getting hung up.
First off, “love” isn’t pious divine selflessness. What you’re thinking of is “in love” which is that heady romantic time where you think constantly about how perfect the other person is, how you’d do anything for them, how they complete your life, etc… The glimmer of the moon is in her eyes, sunshine sparkles from her divine ass, you get the picture.
That wears off. It’s a chemical reaction similar to being high on drugs. Sadly, it doesn’t last. Somewhere between a month and a year from now, all those euphoric feelings will have worn off, hopefully to be replaced with something a little more permanent - companionship and friendship.
“Love” is when you are so comfortable with the other person that you want them to know everything about you, and you’ve mostly already told them everything. “Love” is less “I would die for you today if I had to” and more “I would gladly live with you until I’m 90.” The second one doesn’t sound nearly as romantic or exciting, but there it is.
So, that’s your first bit. “In Love” is not “Love” and while “in love” is awesome while it lasts, don’t think you’re going to build a lasting connection on ephemeral brain chemistry.
Now on to lust. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but humans are horny buggers. We have sex. We like having sex. We like having sex so much that our brains make up new and interesting ways for us to have sex, and if we don’t get on it fast enough, it replays those ideas over and over and over again to make sure we’ve got the idea. Wanting sex, (even full on pin someone over a countertop banging animalistic sex) isn’t a bad thing. It’s what we do.
Yes, lust is ‘selfish’ but so is eating dinner. You selfish pig - how dare you eat that food! Don’t you know there are starving people? You put clothes on this morning, didn’t you? Selfish whore - don’t you realize some people would really enjoy seeing your hot naked self? What gives you the right to cover it up like that? I’m being silly on purpose - taking care of personal needs has gotten a bad rap, and it’s stupid. If you have needs, whatever they are, you’re supposed to take care of them. (Insert required note that it can’t be illegal, and preferably not involve hurting other people.)
Some of your needs are sexual. Let me be blunt: Wanting To Have Sex is Totally OK.
Go for it! Sex is, after all, the usual reason for people to get together. I think it’s sweet that you want to be the perfect gentleman for your lady, but perfect gentlemen get nookie also!
What you have to realize is that you can be a romantic gentleman* who happens to like the bondage scene and some intense fetishes.*
You don’t have to pick one or the other.
What you should do is tell your lady friend some of your kinks. It isn’t fair to represent yourself as only one half of your personality. If she really is as perfect for you as you say, then she’ll work with you on this. If not, you need to have someone who knows you as a whole person - with ALL your likes and dislikes, sexual or not.
Sounds to me like you’ve Maddona/Whore-ed yourself, not your partner. What TVTropes likes to call ‘Sex is Evil, and I Am Horny.’ (TVTropes is not an approved source for psychological advice)
The really important question, which I notice you didn’t answer, is the one WhyNot asked:
If it turned out your girl was a closeted Claire Adams herself, would that solve your problem?
This may shock you, but ‘A gentleman’ most of the time, and horrible, filthy, degrading, awesome, wonderful sex (sometimes involving ropes) is exactly what a significant subset of kinky women are looking for. If you’re capable of indulging both with the same person, your problem has been reduced to finding one you can connect with. That will require some effort, (I’m still working on it myself) but it’s doable.
If you can’t, and it sounds like that might be the problem, then that’s more serious. However divine and loving you’d like to be, any relationship that involves as much lying as you’re going to be doing in this one is not going to be healthy. Because it would be, and is, lying. A lot. Constantly. That’s not being loving. Because the person she’d think she was in love with would be the person you’d deceived her into thinking you are.
<tough love time> That’s tricking someone into making a long-term, life changing commitment. Which is profoundly worse than the online porn. And if you add in cheating to ‘protect’ her from your ‘dark side,’ you’ve added being a douche on top of it. </tough love time>
There isn’t a good you and an evil you. There’s just you, with good and bad impulses. And honestly, it sounds like a lot of what you’re considering ‘bad’ is just a natural part of yourself that you’re not comfortable with. (SEX!) Nothing good ever comes of compartmentalizing your ‘bad’ impulses, all that does is allow you to deny responsibility when you want to do something you know you shouldn’t. That way lies abusing prostitutes and sex tourism. Which are also profoundly worse than online porn.
There was a time when people with ah, non-typical desires had no real choice but to do what you’re contemplating. That’s not the case anymore. And because you do have other alternatives, even if they are hard, there’s no longer any excuse for that type of deception. With freedom comes responsibility. But also (sometimes) happiness.
Talking to a shrink wouldn’t hurt, especially one with some experience in kink. Talking with some kinky people wouldn’t hurt either, but that can be hard to arrange, depending on where you are. There are often support groups for this kind of thing, and social groups as well. There are a few of us around here too, but semi-anonymous online advice/companionship is, well, just that.
Talking with your girl about it might be a good start. Don’t throw everything out all at once, but let her know you’ve been less than entirely honest with her re: things you’d like to do. She might be into some of it. (Is she Catholic? That doesn’t hurt your odds) She might not want anything to do with it. That will suck, but you won’t be lying to her anymore, and maybe you’ll go to heaven. Metaphorically speaking, that is. I’m not religious.
You may also find that once you stop lying about it all the time, you’ll hate that side of you less. Lying about what you are all the time is bad for the soul.
Additionally, (and this is important) some of the more extreme stuff you fantasize about is just that, fantasy. It doesn’t mean you really want to do it, just that you like thinking about it. Bodice-ripping romance novels, action movies, Japanese porn comics, and 90% of online fiction are all based around fantasies that no one, especially the writers, actually WANT to happen.
Kink, even the more serious stuff, isn’t bad. It’s a subset of sex, which also isn’t bad. In fact, both are fairly awesome. But if can’t respect the person you’re doing it with, odds are very good you’re going to act in a bad and hurtful way.
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I’m not sure how the ‘mental illness’ and ‘hopefully you won’t hurt her physically’ type comments are meant to help, but I don’t think they’re succeeding.
Yes, except in this context it’s called a “Madonna/Whore complex.” You need counseling so that you can reconcile sex with love. After all, if your dark side is worthy of being loved, then any woman’s should be, as well. Everyone has a dark side (maybe not as dark as yours, but still), and you have unrealistic expectations if you think that this is not the case.
There is nothing wrong with your fetishes. But the way that you choose not to embrace them will increase your cognitive dissonance, and something unpleasant will happen (you will cheat, you will find out your girlfriend isn’t a perfect madonna after all and dump her, over time you will try to guilt her into being what your “vision” of her is and drive her to unhappiness and codependency, etc).
If you care about her, you should be open with her who you are and what you’re into sexually. I wouldn’t put it in the words you chose for your OP though - start slowly and don’t be graphic or negative. Those types of fetishes aren’t really that rare, although it might be rare to have all of them at once, nor are they satanic or depraved (unless you’re actually a serial killer/torturer/rapist, which I doubt).
Not telling her about this is wrong, and unfair to her (and to you because you’re living a lie, but I’m putting myself in her shoes and it’s REALLY unfair to her). And she’ll find out eventually anyway.
I know it’s scary to risk losing her over this but you have to tell the truth now so you don’t both get hurt even worse, down the road.
I also think you should get therapy/counseling (there are sex therapists, you know - my friend is one, and she also happens to be into most of the fetishes you are and has been since she was a teenager!) to help you work through this. It’s not healthy to have the kind of complexes you seem to surrounding sex, love, and relationships, and you might be able to get over them with help.
Your sexual kinks are not evil or satanic. My partner and I get into a lot of the things you describe AND we have a long term, loving relationship. It really is possible to have both. (though I do have to say that blood and scat aren’t really safe practices)
You have to stop thinking of your sexual side as bad.
An interesting enough topic, I suppose, but does one of your fetishes involve public leg-pulling?
I don’t understand the whole poop thing.
Good heavens. Sex at its core is dirty, filthy, silly and messy, and that’s without even beating or extraneous bodily fluids. And love is not pious or divine at all. Love is the times you spend with a person, day after day, happy to see each other, supporting each other, loving each other. They go together very well.
This is hilarious.
Telling your girlfriend you like to play around with shit isn’t quite the same as telling her you’d enjoy a spanking. There is a strong risk you will disgust her, or even alienate her. It’s up to you whether the risk is worth taking, and depends on how difficult you find suppressing your desires.
See, I don’t agree with this. I don’t think it’s up to the OP to decide about the risk of telling her. If he’s just looking at online porn, that’s one thing, but he’s talking about actively planning to cheat on this “perfect romantic woman” with people (presumably) who will share in his fetishes.
If I found out that my husband/boyfriend was out with random strangers engaging in blood and scat play with them, and then coming back to have sex with me?
That is NOT COOL.
That shit (pun intended) is not SAFE to mess around with like that. There should be no choice here. If he’s going to act on those desires at all, with anyone, at any time, then he HAS to tell her. Otherwise, he’s not only not a gentleman, he’s a giant asshole. You don’t take chances with your partner’s safety like that.
A+
I was caught off-guard by a laugh that took the wind out of me.
Leave the door open when you’re using the bathroom, and when she walks by and notices you on the toilet, say loudly, and with a hint of embarassment, “Oh, I’m so sorry! Let me shut the door for you…” and then lock eyes with her and say, “Unless you’d prefer I left it open?”
I guess that answers that.
This story does seem a bit swooningly decadent.
A bit swooningly decadent/complete and utter bullshit - tomayto, potahto. 
The OP didn’t pass the smell test at all, and when I read stuff like post #14, that clinched it for me. The fact that he hasn’t been back since, and hasn’t posted anywhere else on the board than in this thread, is Exhibit C. No mods, it’s not even worth a Pitting.