Cynic.
Anyway, the obvious course of action for the OP is to continue wooing the lady with romantic poetry, using a subtle twist to indicate his true desires.
Sweetest one
with visage so fair
I would like to take
a dump in your hair
She’ll get the hint.
you need to take one for the team & lean into the stike zone
“Full count. Runners on first & third. Texeira is in the mound tonight & CC Sebathia is warming up in the bullpen. You know its cap-day here in the stadium and its refreshing to see so many youngsters here watching the game…”
Read the card! Read the card!
Sorry to be a bummer, but you sound 100% normal. Most people DONT get every last need met in a relationship, but…different relationships have different ‘prices of admission’, as the sage Savage says. With this lady, the price of admission is certain to hurt her: either you cheat, and she is hurt, or she isn’t as pious as you think and you may stop feeling what you feel for her.
+1 to the folks suggesting that you stop selling both yourself and your partner short, and give yourselves a chance. Give her a chance to say yay or nay, else you’re just in a relationship with yourself and relegating her to, yeah, a fantasy role. Nobody deserves that.
And you don’t, either. Break out a bit and accept that you’re not as off as you think you are, and quite likely not nearly as rare 
Keep hunting…use different bait.
ETA: Ah frack. Looks like I took the bait myself. /facepalm
That’s beautiful. {wipes away a tiny tear}
I want to take that sex test.
I wasn’t able to check this thread for sometime but it seems it has sparked quite a lot of curiosity and interest. So, thank you everyone for your constructive advice and suggestions, and especially Lasciel, for being able to come closest to my precise state of mind. You guys have helped me take the best judgement on this situation.
I would like to share something I learned in just last three days: the foundation of a solid relationship is never going to be quite easy. If the challenges disappear, the relationship would become as stale as a 23-year old bag of chips. Indeed, for me challenging times lie ahead as I try to reconcile with my secretive identity all these years, and the newfound hope and love in life represented by this woman.
I have decided I want to spend the rest of my life with her because my heart simply desires this straight-laced, prudish woman over the best possible sexual partners available on planet Earth.
I know missing out on some potentially great sex is a HUGE PRICE to pay but no price is too great to live without her - I’m too much in love for that.
“…aaaaaaaaand, scene!”
I’m deeply inspired by the story of King Edward VIII of Great Britain who gave up the throne (now, that’s a huge price to pay indeed) 
for the woman he loved. Coincidentally, as it transpired they had a very kinky D/s relationship. They never even had children together but I can strongly relate with the kind of perfect happiness they found in each other arms that you won’t find in a majority of relationships today. It isn’t easy not to be King and lead an anonymous, commoner’s lifestyle.
Smell test. Now that’s funny.
Good luck, Valmont, but make sure you keep the Marquise on speed dial just in case…
I am curious about your age.
And would you do me a personal favor? Print this out and re-read it to yourself when – years down the line – you are tempted to cheat.
Here is why: I am a 47-year old woman who has been involved in the BDSM scene for years. Just about everything you mentioned, short of the scat which doesn’t interest me. Most of the men who approach me within the community are married, wishing to hide “this dirty secret” from their “perfect, prudish” wives.
Personally, I think you are making a mistake and I would put a $1,000 bet on the fact that at some point, you are going to cheat. So print out the statement you wrote above… please…
If you’re not aware of it, you may want to check through the Savage Love archives for advice. He doesn’t condone scat fetishes, but other than that he gives some good advice about when and how to talk to your SO about your fantasies.
“Condone”? Knowing Savage I find it hard to believe he condemns them, he’s pretty ok with everything as long as everyone’s grown up and willing.
Condemn isn’t quite the word, but there are three things Dan is very upfront about NOT recommending anyone ever do because they carry huge physical risk and there’s no real way to safen them up–shit, blood, and choking. He’s not going to tell you not to do it, but he is absolutely not going to give you advice on how to go about doing them.
Ooh, Ooh, I get to say my line again! I know what you gotta do, buddy? Slip her the sausage! Yeeeah!!
On second thought, are you by any chance a werewolf? Does your skin glimmer?
Yeah. If you read through the archives, there are several places where shit sex comes up and he makes his views about it pretty clear.
{Sigh} Why does every thread end up in talking about shit sex?
Such shiny impenetrable armor; so sharp and swift a sword. A maiden so worthy of saving by an arm held righteous and true. A maiden saved by a man in a mask…whose true face she’ll never see. A sword so sharp it can pierce almost anything…perhaps the knight’s own impenetrable armor given time.
Measured in years.
But it never pierces the truth.
In the end, as the knight looks back and knows that he’s cheated the maiden out of her prudish soul-mate, will this love be seen as selfless, or selfish? Who saves the knight from himself? And if there is one woman out there who thinks and feels exactly as the knight does,
perhaps his soul-mate which he might have found in steps further on, who is left to save her? Some faerie-tales can be greater tragedies than you can possibly imagine, sir knight. Choose wisely.