I’m kind of riding the fence on this one. It couldn’t hurt to just go have coffee and talk and maybe build a friendship but at the same time it may cause un-needed stress and tension in your relationship with your fiancee. If that’s the case, I wouldn’t do it. Relationships are hard enough without something like this to add to the mix.
In my own personal epxerience I’ve never had an ex who “just wanted to be friends” with me. I’ve tried to be friends with a couple of them and they always bring up us getting back together or at least sleeping together again. I’m still see them occasionally around town and we’ll chat for a bit but I wouldn’t hang out with them because it would upset my fiancee too much. He’s more important to me tthan my ex’s friendship so I just leave it at that.
I want to echo C3 here. Several posters have said 'What do you have to loose?", when a better questions is “What do you have to gain?” You say you have “tons” of other guy friends, and you don’t seemed starved for compainonship. Unless this guy somehow fufills a part of you in a way that no one else does (in which case the relationship is potentially more serious than a casual coffee-buddy) than I don’t see any point in doing something that very likely stress either your relationship or just even just yourself (if he does make a pass, and you have to make a break that turns ugly, that will be stressful). There are lots of nice guys out there to be friends with. Not being friends with this actual one just frees up time to spend with the others.
My God, there certainly are a lot of suspicious people on this board.
FTR, I have had three long-term relationships. I am still friends with all three of the guys. I have met some of their post-me girlfriends (and wife, in one case), and I have always got on well with them too. One of the guys I know (through the grapevine) still carries a torch for me, but he knows it’s over, and when we’ve seen/spoken to/emailed each other, there’s never any pressure. We are just friends now, full stop, and I would be deeply hurt and offended if any of them decided they couldn’t continue our friendship because of their new relationship.
Mirth, in the absence of any real evidence that he’s using this coffee date as an attempt to rekindle the flame, I really don’t see why you have any reason to worry. I’m not saying “yes you definitely should meet him” - just that from what you’ve told us, I don’t see any particular reason for you not to.
As for telling your fiancé, well, I think since you’ve already broached the subject with him you should be honest about it. I’m curious about this part though:
If you put it that way there’s no wonder he’s suspicious! If you’d just mentioned that you were going to have coffee with an old friend, that shouldn’t cause him any serious concern - unless he’s the seriously jealous type, in which case you’ve got a lot more to worry about than whether or not to meet up with this one guy.