Jeebus, does anyone *date *anymore?
You’ve known this girl for two months, and she’s moved into your house and stopped having sex with you because you won’t have a baby with her? You don’t have a “relationship crisis”. You have a home intruder. In some states you’re allowed to shoot her for your own safety.
Get her out of there and next time, try getting to know someone BEFORE you let them live in your house.
Yeah, I have to say I agree. At this time in her life, she is simply not good partner material. She is being completely unreasonable and kind of frightening. Run.
A person who is ready to be a mother would not:
–rush into a relationship in order to have children right away with someone she doesn’t even know
–attempt severe emotional manipulation
–decide to get pregnant without the least plan of how to support the child
If she does this to you now, what will she be like in a year or two, when she isn’t on her best boyfriend-impressing behavior all the time? What will she be like as a mother? :eek: The idea scares me, frankly.
Don’t keep this girl just because you don’t think you can do any better. You can.
She obviously has little care or concern for your welfare. Is she helping you pay your mortgage and other bills? Does she work?
Kicking her out will most likely result in a lot of screaming, crying, and illogical accusations (hell, she admitted that any counselor would take your side!), but it’s damned better than the alternative she wants.
I think you answered most of your own questions in your OP. You don’t need our advice; you already know what to do.
Good luck and keep us updated!
Yeah man, I´ll be the broken record and be the 20th person to say, get away, the faster, the better, the further, the better and do not look back upon this decision with remorse. The worse decisions are often made when heart interferes with the brain´s “red flags”.
This does not look good.
You’re trying to reason with a big steaming bowl of chemical soup. Logic does not apply.
My suspicion is that you’re not really the love of her life. You’re a potential sperm donor. Any guy with a working pair of testicles could take your place. Go ahead and give her children, but be prepared to be the world’s most miserable husband five years down the line.
Exactly. zhlf210, you might not even be needed as a husband later on. What if she decides you’re not giving her space, or that she cares for you but doesn’t love you any more, or that she’s trying to get in touch with her lesbian side, or that you’re not the best father for her children?
What kind of a parent do you think she would be? Will she partner with you when raising your kids, or will she isolate you from them, keeping them all to herself, only turning to you when they need discipline or when they make a mess? If your children do require tough discipline, will she be supportive as you dispense it, or will she scream at you not to lay a hand on her precious snowflake, and call you ‘abusive’ while your brats run screaming into the street? If she ends up divorcing you, will she be understanding, and divide your belongings equitably, or will she try to soak you for every dime plus ginormous alimony, so she doesn’t have to work while raising the kids?
There actually is a way to keep her. You need to take charge of the relationship, set hard boundaries, make some very specific responsibilities for her and ensure she follows up on them. You essentially would be a father figure to her. It would be a huge amount of work, and you will need to keep it up for the rest of your life. She still will divorce/dump/cheat on you/make life hell, but at least you get some of what you want. If you think about it, you will probably realize the benefit does not justify the cost.
You say you are new to this kind of thing. You should congratulate yourself on having learned some valuable lessons, and move on to apply them to a new relationship with someone else.
This one never should have been allowed out on her own. Send her back home to mama.
I can understand the intense desire for a baby, but she’s nowhere near ready to be a mother, and you need to protect yourself before something happens you can’t get out of.
AAAHHHHHH!!! Run away! Run Away!!
But probably don’t shoot her as DianaG suggests.
Lots of good advice in this thread, but I’d suggest you focus on the various flavors of, “Run AWAY!” Sounds like she’s a head case. That’s really sad and I wish her well, but it’s also not your fault and so not your problem.
Double plus true with whipped cream and a cherry on top. More relationship misery has resulted from a philosophy of scarcity than any other reason, I’m guessing. There are millions more nutcases out there for you to enjoy. Don’t be selfish. 
Yes, all the advice seems to be pointing in one direction…which kind of confirms my own thoughts really.
I just hate thinking that this is a completely binary scenario, that there’s no ‘win-win’ to be found. I really care for her and just can’t see a way out of this without hurting her. I told her again last night that I wasn’t ready for a child, and she drove to Mothercare and sat crying in the car park for half an hour…it just makes me really sad 
I will have to leave her, I think, but I can’t just do it and leave her a mess and having to fend for herself, it’s not my style. Aghhhh!
Dump the crazy bitch. Fast. Don’t look back, don’t take her phone calls. That is all.
On edit: Make that all of the above, squared! This is lunatic behavior–there is nothing normal about the way she’s behaving.
Hey, I didn’t *suggest *shooting her, I just mentioned that it’s an option! For the record, shooting her will probably only add to your troubles.
zhlf210, normal people do not sit in the parking lot of Mothercare crying for half an hour. It shouldn’t make you sad, it should make you either scared (because she’s crazy) or mad (because she’s manipulating you).
And yes, you CAN leave her to fend for herself with her own mess. The alternative is taking her mess on as your responsibility, and it’s not. Please try to remember that nothing she’s saying or doing is about YOU. She doesn’t even see you. She’s just looking for someone, anyone, to fix her shitty life. Don’t be her anyone.
Focus on this, repeat a few times, take a deep breath, and get it over with. This chick is not looking for help–she is ruining her own life by her own actions. Get yourself out of frag zone and remain clear.
There is, but it might look like a lose/lose at first glance. Consider the possibility that the most compassionate thing you can do for her is to not give in to her.
Good grief. I think you’ve got your answer. At first, I would have said that, given the age difference between the two of you, she just sounds really immature and probably has romanticized the idea of children and that, if you love her too much to leave her, you should talk to her first. But this is ridiculous. Get out of this situation NOW. She’s pulling some serious mental strings and you don’t deserve that. Plus, do you really want to deal with hystrionics like this later in life? She drove to Mothercare and cried because you said you might not be ready? Sheesh - she sounds like a spoiled little girl to me putting on a show.
With respect to leaving her in the lurch, well, she can move back into her parents’ house if necessary. If she didn’t burn her bridges on the way out, the most she’ll suffer is hurt pride. But having a baby because your girlfriend wants to play house (and that’s what it sounds like to me) even though you don’t know whether or not you can afford it is a disservice to both of you and your potential kid.
Good luck.
It sounds like a whole lot more than that. There’s something serious going on with her.
You’re probably right. However, the girlfriend’s behavior reminds me a lot of my mother’s. She’ll romanticizes a notion in her head and, when we don’t cave, she’ll throw a tantrum or tell me about something dramatic she’s done (similar to driving to Mothercare) over and over, whether or not she’s actually done it - the way I look at it, for all the OP knows, the girlfriend drove to Mothercare with a paperback, shed a tear or two, then sat there and read for a half hour. I guess I’ve dealt with behavior like this most of my life, and after talking with a professional about it, I tend to roll my eyes and ignore it like I would my toddler’s tantrums (until he calms down), whereas the OP’s girlfriend might require more careful handling.
Didn’t mean to oversimplify.
Dude, if you had romantically seduced her on her 18th birthday with promises of 80 years of flowers, servants and timeless love then I’d count you a heel for ditching her. But try to think of it another way. try to think of it as … well, like an Indian woodcutter breaking a tigress’ heart by not caving in to her rather one-sided desires.
Being able to hurt someone on purpose doesn’t make you a bad person if doing so keeps them from making things worse. at 22 she’s still just a kid and you’re having to play the role of ‘parent’ and deny her this obsessive whim. Also, anyone can maintain the charade and make someone else think “Wow, she really loves me” for a few months if that’s what it takes to achieve an end.
Mister, this is not a whole human being you’re dealing with. She’s broken, and she’s missing big, gaping chunks.
The problem is, she’s trying to solve this by stuffing other people into those holes - you and whatever potential baby she can create.
This is not going to work.
You don’t have to make any moral judgments on her. She’s not evil, she’s not a bitch, and she’s probably not even crazy. What she is, is UNHEALTHY, and you cannot fix her.
Repeat after me:
YOU CANNOT FIX HER.
The only way she’s going to get better is if she’s forced to live like a whole, adult human being, and she cannot do that if you are around trying to fix her.
For your sake and hers, get away from her.