a fellow SDMB member and myself recently talked IRL about relationships between people in general. he asked me “do you think people who regularly interact tend to be attracted to each other?” this continued to include “say you have been hanging out with a girl for a while and she isnt the most attractive girl out there, but after a while she grows on you… being with her for that while, does her level of attraction increase?”
i believe that people, after spending a good amount of time with each other, develop a liking towards each other; some people take it to the next level.
also, a guy spending enough time with a girl might actually see past her physical characteristics (or at least not be as judgmental about them) and develop sincere emotions.
however, i have seen all too many times that people always expect the worse, that they do not want to risk losing a good friend so they opt to not go further in their relationship.
Well, Hanibal Lechter says that we covet that which is familiar. Or something like that. Never read the book, but they made a reference to it in the movie Silence of the Lambs.
physical attraction is not the cornerstone of a relationship as your OP seems to imply. It is just one factor. I don’t think spending time with someone will give you the power to ‘look past’ someone’s physical features as if that were the criteria for a relationship. Rather, in spending time with someone, you may relaize that this is the person for you, you have similar interests and goals and ideas, that there is a connection that goes beyond what they wear or what color their hair is.
You seem to be asking a sincere enough question, but your priorities relationship wise seem a bit scrambled, IMHO.
It’s often said that the biggest erogenous zone/sex organ you have is your brain. If this means that you see beyond the physical exterior into someone’s attractive personality, and you get turned on by what you see there, great! And they return the compliment, even better! So, if after that, you both want to go off somewhere private and screw like bunny-rabbits, friggin’ fantastic!!!
Seriously, as one of my workmates used to say: “long after you’ve fucked them, you got to talk to them” , so choose your partner well. Other friends have also told me that the most physically attractive people they have bonked have turned out to be the worst sexual partners they ever had.
From a personal viewpoint, my wife is a big girl, and by her own admission, certainly no oil painting. But if the other night is any indication, we can melt the paint on the bedroom walls just as good as Pamela and Tommy, or Tom and Nicole. And sex with someone you love is the only way to go.
I think that it does happen. I just moved in with a male roommate a couple months ago and I decided that I have to live here, nothing will happen!! Well, it was tense at first, both of us getting used to the other, but now we talk about everything and have become friends. But sometimes I feel that “tension” in the air that something may happen, though I’m not truly attracted to him physically, he is a nice guy and we have fun together. I try to look at things long term and don’t want to screw up the short term by doing something stupid - I do have to live with the guy!! But I do think it happens, you fall for the person inside though the outside may not do it for you at first.
i totally believe that is true. any friends of mine that are female i find i’m attracted to after getting to know them better. it took some time but i find that i really care about them much more as well. Perhaps not so much a physical attraction as a mental one, but i can be stimulated just as easily by them, regardless of their looks. I don’t think it’s odd at all either, and agree with DVous Means about the brain being one of the biggest erogenous zone. Too bad we can’t just stroke that huh?
I do believe you kasuo are correct in that most people seek out or expect the worst. That’s normal. we place expectations on others, and then are dissapointed when they don’t meet our expectations. so don’t. don’t place expectations on others, and you won’t be dissapointed, and if others do, thats for them to learn that they need to let go of those attachments and be happy for themselves with whom ever they are with, not for what they expect of them.
When I met me fiance, I swore that there was NO WAY that I could date this nerdy guy. “How can i introduce him to my friends?!?” But he was really nice and we hung out a lot. now almost two years later, he is THE biggest stud I have ever met. A complete turn around… I definitly think semi-forced proximity greatly increases the attractability factor. You listen to them, and fall in love with the person. The eyes are soon to follow that path of love to. Have I told you my fiance is THE biggest stud…
Bingo, Sassy! All my friends are beautiful. It’s the truth; the more you get to really know someone, the more beauty you see in how individual they are. And that’s honest beauty; their quirks and “defects” give them subtlety and depth and individuality.
Too bad, I think, that we moved away from the concept of socializing, then courtship. If the social relationship didn’t evolve into romance, it still resulted in sound friendships. And the courtship rituals gave a grace period for both people to try on the new role to see if it fit. If it didn’t, the friendship could remain.
The pattern of jump-into-bed-and-grind-glands skips the most crucial steps, IMO. Feels good for the moment, but when the heat disperses the void of background becomes a real killer.
Since I have always been more the “to know me is to love me” than “love at first leer” type, I have always been pissed off to no end when I hear people say, “I could never go out with him/her. I’d hate to wreck a nice friendship.” Who the hell would you want to marry or have a relationship with, a stranger?
You know I have noticed it too, I see a girl I think is semi-attractive and the more I get to know her the more attractive she becomes. It’s kinda cool.
