I’m probably in no place in my life where I should be dating anyone, (I wish I was…). I’m on a free dating site anyway’s, and it shows me women who’ve seen my picture and profile and want to meet me. There are some that are cute, but most are women I’m just simply am not attracted to. So I guess this all gets me to thinking…
Can people find ways to be attracted to someone, or does love play a role in attraction?
I do think that you can become physically attracted to someone over time- it has happened to me. I’ve heard that it’s easier for women to do this than men, but I don’t know about that.
In my opinion and experience I can become incredibly attracted to some one I have no initial interest in if once I get to know them I find I like them.
The woman I was most attracted to sexually did absolutely nothing for me for the first 2 months after I met her. As I grew to know her, like her, and respect her I found her irresistible.
Firstly, don’t count on pictures to determine whether you’re physically attracted to someone. Some people don’t photograph well, and almost everyone looks different in person, let alone in motion.
You can certainly become attracted to someone you get to know and become fond of, but you probably can’t consciously learn to be attracted to someone, it’s a spontaneous and ineffable thing.
“Learn” wasn’t the best word to use.
I don’t get it yet… I lack the experience of being with a woman I don’t initially find attractive, which is probably why I lack the I lack the experience of being with women in general.
It’s a mind fuck thing. Physical beauty is fine but if she’s a bitch it won’t last long.
A woman you care deeply for and respect is the most mind-blowing sex you’ll ever have.
Just give it a try, stop looking for Playboy models and start getting interested in women you can see yourself spending time with just talking. Your sex life will change for the better in a way you would not believe.
I think both men and women can, obviously first impressions are very important because from that first meeting everything follows (or doesn’t follow). But if some situation exists such that you’ll still have regular contact with a person even if you aren’t attracted to them, if you get along well I think it’s natural that romantic feelings can develop and from there physical attraction.
That’s certainly happened with me before. Also as a guy in his 50s who still dates, I will say that most of the women I date are around my age and 10 years younger at the youngest. I don’t know about most other men my age but I didn’t magically get rewired as I aged and now think 50 year old women are more attractive than 25 year old women. But, I do find I wouldn’t much want to spend much time with a 25 year old woman doing anything socially, so I go out with people around my age and anytime something gets serious I do find that my physical attraction for them grows and my genuine interest in others diminishes.
I wasn’t sexually attracted to my current SO. It was his mind and humor that sucked me in. When I look at him, he’s not sexually attractive (he looks like an old cumfy teddy bear), but when he touches me, things are different. I agree with the others that say that minds should touch.
This has happened to me as well.
You have to see a person in person to really know if you’re attracted. In a photo you can’t tell if there’s mannerisms or expressions that attract you. I know people who I thought were pretty unattractive at first but once I knew them there were things like how they smiled, talked or moved that really attracted me.
I think online dating has made people too focused on looks. Some of the things that people are attracted to aren’t visible and everyone’s not giving enough people a chance.
One of my good friends just married someone she wasn’t attracted to at first.
Beer. Helping the unattractive get laid for over a century.
Straight male checking in, late twenties. As you noted, “learn” isn’t quite the right word, but I’ve known a few women who I didn’t find attractive at all at first, but felt very differently once I’d gotten to know them. A sharp wit, a ready smile, the way a girl carries herself (like she’s ready to kick ass at a moment’s notice, and laugh her way through it) - these can all make a woman very, very sexy, but they take time to notice.
Also, I’ve known some absolutely stunning women who either don’t photograph well, or just use badly-shot photos for their Facebook profiles. I wouldn’t be deterred by an unflattering photo.
I have a friend that found the “perfect woman” on a dating site. Dropped everything to travel across the country to see her and…well, he came back in two weeks, telling us that she looked nothing like her photo, and that he thought she may have used a doctored or old photo of herself online.
This seemed strange, in that he had been communicating with her on line for months, and had to have learned more about her than just what she looked like in her photo. But this was apparently his major let down.
This online stuff can be worse yet; my brother met the “perfect woman” on line, she told him she was single and unencumbered,etc. He met her in person, and she was attractive…but little by little her story unraveled. She was married, had three children, was in deep debt with the IRS, had a drug habit, and was very, very crazy and needy. By the time my brother came to learn the whole truth, she was becoming the fatal attraction, stalker type of woman.
I am not suggesting that this kind of thing can happen every time on line, but its an important thing to consider. Maybe more important than finding someone attractive.
You could always sleep with her. I mean, Pavlov’s penis and all.
Orgasmic reorientation is used to try and alter what people find sexually stimulating, and while it’s used primarily on people whose turn-ons are undesirable (e.g., pedophiles, rapists, etc.), I suppose it would work here too.
Probably a bit of overkill unless you’re really attracted to the person on other levels (in which case you’d probably find her personality to be a turn-on anyway), but hey, it oughta work in a pinch.
Are you me? 'Cause this is the second thing this week I’ve read from you about your relationship that totally resonates with me.
(Three if you’re also the Doper in a relationship with a much older man who, when he holds you at night, feels just like an 18 year old. I swear, I’ve been feeling/thinking that for some time now, but couldn’t articulate it like that poster (you?) did.)
To the OP: My SO is not, by objective measure, an attractive man. But I’ve found myself attracted to things about his body I never considered before. His barrel chest, big belly and tiny hips remind me (in a good way) of a silverback gorilla - it’s a very masculine, primitive lusty thing.
We were friends for 4 years before we “got together”, and I didn’t consider him dating material, much less attractive. But I’m very much attracted to him now. I’m not hot for his bod, I’m hot for him.
Apparently you can. My sister has been friends for years with a guy she found repulsive (didn’t brush his teeth or shower regularly, for example). For most of the time she has known him she has complained about how he wanted to date her and she didn’t want to date him and he would not let it drop. One of her reasons being how physically unattractive he was to her and how she couldn’t stomach having a sexual relationship with him.
I guess she got over it because now they’re getting married.
:rolleyes:
To offer a dissenting opinion, every time I’ve tried to maintain a relationship with someone I wasn’t 100% attracted to, it’s caught up with me in the end. I find that I can gloss over it in the first year or so as I am still so caught up in the excitement of being in a relationship and how new everything is. But if I don’t start out extremely attracted to him, the sex will start to go downhill eventually.
My OKCupid dating life got a LOT better when I started using physical attraction as my first criteria for who to contact. There are all kinds of ways that personalities can mesh and compliment each other. But if you aren’t feeling it, you aren’t feeling it.
It salivates? 
:eek:
[quote=“WhyNot, post:16, topic:608091”]
Are you me? 'Cause this is the second thing this week I’ve read from you about your relationship that totally resonates with me.
**But I’m very much attracted to him now. I’m not hot for his bod, I’m hot for him.[/**QUOTE]
I thinks that you might be me…and the bolded part is so true for me. I’m hot for my old comfy teddy bear. Our minds touch. Its how he treats me that turns me on.